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don't know what to do about my 3 year old HELP

Posted by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 1:10 PM
  • 5 Replies

please someone help my 3 year old is bad lately his screaming and tantrums are driving me and my poor sister crazy i don't know what to do anymore he screams at the top of his lunges, crys, thows things, hits, spits, bites, kicks and all because he doesn't get his way. we do time out but its not working anymore and we slap his butt sometimes to not real hard but that doesn't seem to be helping either. i'm 33 weeks pregnant and on strict bedrest he just started to act this way with in the last month i think he is mad at me for being on bedrest and he is mainly taking it out on my sister. my DH finally got to witness what we go though daily with my son yesterday while grandma was visiting and he was in shock he said he had no idea he behaved so badly he is usually very well behaved for daddy but not yesterday. i just don't know what to do right now DH works all day i'm on bedrest and my sister is only 15 she is here taking care of me and my 2 boys ages 2 and 3, i feel so badly that my 3 year old is acting this way to her he won't let her do anything for him and throws a fit if she trys like getting him dinner or a drink or giving him a bath or changing his pull-up anything he just screams "no mommy do"and he did the same to daddy yesterday sorry this is so long i just don't know what to do anymore. any advice please i'm 4cm dilated and 75% effaced so i'm not even supposed to be out of bed except to use the bathroom but i keep getting up to deal with my son and to help my sister.







 

by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 1:10 PM
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Replies (1-5):
babygirlsmom314
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 1:22 PM

 I don't know how to help.  But I do think he might be acting out because you are on bedrest, like you are thinking.  Sorry my daughter is 3 and we are not dealing with anything like that, so I have no advice for you.  Good luck.





 


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Shy_Dia
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 1:25 PM

is it possible to have a mommy and me time every day? like you and the 3 year old just cuddle up on the couch/bed and watch a movie and talk adn stuff? he's probably so used to you doing everything and now that you cant- he has no idea why, even tho he might know its a baby... also, talk with him about the baby- that mommy's gotta be on the bed b/c the baby is so big and going crazy (just the normal kicking, moving, etc) and cant wait to meet him.... but make it sound like the baby's wanting to come out, but cant just yet b/c the doctors say its a no no and mommy will be in trouble if the baby comes out too soon.

thats really the only advice i have. :-( i hope it works out, but i figure that he's just wanting your full attention again and has no idea why you cant be there for him.

Just2busymom
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 1:39 PM

I agree.  Spending some time with him might reassure him.  Have him get a stuffed animal and show him the things you will need to do with baby.  Like swaddling, cuddling, talking, feeding(with a bottle for his sake), burping, and such.  Just get him used to what you will be doing and what he can do to help mommy and baby.  Color with him, sing songs, read a book, and so on.  I had a hard time with my 6yr old when he was 3.  He acted out badly when his brother was born.  Doing all that helped him.


 

Quoting Shy_Dia:

is it possible to have a mommy and me time every day? like you and the 3 year old just cuddle up on the couch/bed and watch a movie and talk adn stuff? he's probably so used to you doing everything and now that you cant- he has no idea why, even tho he might know its a baby... also, talk with him about the baby- that mommy's gotta be on the bed b/c the baby is so big and going crazy (just the normal kicking, moving, etc) and cant wait to meet him.... but make it sound like the baby's wanting to come out, but cant just yet b/c the doctors say its a no no and mommy will be in trouble if the baby comes out too soon.

thats really the only advice i have. :-( i hope it works out, but i figure that he's just wanting your full attention again and has no idea why you cant be there for him.


Marie_P
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 1:40 PM

My son would probably do this if I was in your situation. He behaves very well for Mister, but when he's alone with me he's in time out about every five minutes. I don't spank - I smacked his hand once when he came in the kitchen while I was cooking and tried to grab a hot skillet off the stove, and the next day he smacked ALL the kids in daycare. Gah.

It does sound like he's upset that you're suddenly not available. Did this only start when you went on bedrest, or was he already having tantrums like this? If so at the time, were you trying time outs and spanking? did that work better then?

I try to sit my son (3 in November) down and talk about how he's feeling. If he starts trying to get mad (and it's not because he stubbed his toe or something), he can go in his room and be angry. His room is almost completely empty - even his clothes are stored in the hallway - so I can trust him to be in there alone, and he'll go have his big angry and come out and calm down and and talk about why he was mad. "Okay dude, go be angry in your room" even though it means some day's he's in his room 90% of the time.

Can you get anyone else to watch him? Take him out of the house? Maybe a "Mom's Morning Out" kind of daycare - some churches in my area do that, it's just something like 8am-noon but it's a change of pace and gives the kids something to do away from mom (if you can't afford it, look into the daycare subsidy at DSS, your husband's income might qualify you for the kids, not sure but it's worth trying).

What else...hey, if he won't eat what your sister fixes him, then he can go in his room and not eat (when I offer my son a fake choice like that, or "Okay, I'll eat your food for you" he's totally willing to do the "not in my room" choice). "If you don't want what I'm fixing, you can not eat. Which do you want?"

Maybe the 2 year old can help instead so your older son is like "No I'll do it myself" about the pull-ups? "Either I'll help you or (younger sibling) will, what do you want?" Idea being that he'd not want the second choice and go with the first.

My child's enough of a handful if I'm trying to just sit and drink coffee in the morning (mom mom mom watch this mom do this mom see this mom hey mom mom mom), I can't imagine how stressed you are right now. Good luck.

& also - thought about how he's going to deal with you paying attention to the new baby? That's hard anyway without this kind of lead in - I hope your husband can take paternity leave and help out (I'd have already lost it, btw). Could you talk to your pediatrician about his behavior (not for medication - but because they see a lot of families and maybe have ideas). Would he like to help take care of you? "Can you take this drink to mama, she's sick." My son gets a big kick out of being helpful. Kind of turn the tables on him?

I hope you're okay, and I REALLY admire your strength - I'd be in the corner crying by now if I were you.

MamaNikki2010
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 1:42 PM

Sounds to me like its just a phase that your little man is going through. It's pretty normal for them when they are use to one person always being there for them and all of a sudden the plan has had to change. If he is throwing things maybe take and put up his favorite toys for a few days, or if he likes TV don't allow him to watch his favorite shows for a few days. He'll be mad I'm sure but he has realize he my cargivers aren't kidding & if I keep acting this way its not going to get me very far.

As far as him not eating if your husband or sister fixes food for him, don't stress it to much because kids know what they need and I don't see him being that little and going that long without giving in. If he's hungry enough he'll eat it, it wont matter who makes it for him.

For biting, maybe have him bite himself so tha he can see first hand how it feels when it does it to someone else.

These are just a few to start. I hope that they help

..hugs

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