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transitioning

Posted by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 10:14 AM
  • 8 Replies
My almost four yr old ds goes to his dads house every weekend, when he comes home he tends to be a holy terror. Hitting talking back fighting at bed time. He knows the rules at my house but it seems like when he comes home by the time he is adjusted it time for him to go back. My question is what can I do to help him transition better? His dad and I have been separated over a year. I know this isn't good for him :'(
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by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 10:14 AM
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Manda1976
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 11:22 AM

I don't know what your relationship is with his father but I would try to sit down with him and come up with rules that apply at both houses.  Your son is young and is still working on fully understanding rules but now he has to learn two sets and where they apply.  If you pick him up from his father's I'd try talking to him about what he did but work in some reminders of the rules. "Remember that you have to brush your teeth before you go to bed." things like that.

Something else that may help is warnings... Set a timer and let him know that when the timer goes off he has 10 more minutes to play or what ever, then set it for 10 minutes and it's an auditory that isn't you (sometimes that helps) to let him know what's coming next. This way he may be easing back into your routine and it may help him

Good luck

I'm not society's idea of beautiful......screw society.
bhwrn1
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 11:36 AM

Are you and the BD on the same page as far as discipline? My suggestion would be to have a talk with the BD to make sure you all have the same rules going on so that he understands he needs to act the same in your house and at the BDs.

Andrewsmomom
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 11:44 AM
I have talked to him and told him my house rules and he just says something along the lines of oh yeah we do that here when its obvious they don't, like our bedtime is 830 but when he comes back from his dads its midnight and I'm still trying to get him asleep but he want to tell me they go to bed by nine or I only let him play video game one hour a day and my son tells me he want to go to his dads so he can play longer
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Manda1976
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 11:49 AM


Quoting Andrewsmomom:

I have talked to him and told him my house rules and he just says something along the lines of oh yeah we do that here when its obvious they don't, like our bedtime is 830 but when he comes back from his dads its midnight and I'm still trying to get him asleep but he want to tell me they go to bed by nine or I only let him play video game one hour a day and my son tells me he want to go to his dads so he can play longer

Since you don't have the support of his father it's going to be tough.  Can  you call over to his house around 9 and ask to talk to your son? If he's still up you can catch his father in the lie.

It may not be real fair to your son, but if he throws a fit about his one hour of video time maybe you could take that away a couple of times. Even though this is actually the fault of his father your son still needs to learn how to act (I had HUGE issues with my son last year on how to act at school when the teacher was at fault a lot, he still needed to learn how to make good choices) .  While he is still learning, he is probably completely aware just doesn't like how "unfair" it is.

I'm not society's idea of beautiful......screw society.
Andrewsmomom
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 12:01 PM
That is definitely worth trying, I feel bad disciplining him like that though because the worse part for me is that since he has no rules there he is constantly asking to go over there and he already says he doesn't like my house( because of the rules) and that breaks my heart


Quoting Manda1976:



Quoting Andrewsmomom:

I have talked to him and told him my house rules and he just says something along the lines of oh yeah we do that here when its obvious they don't, like our bedtime is 830 but when he comes back from his dads its midnight and I'm still trying to get him asleep but he want to tell me they go to bed by nine or I only let him play video game one hour a day and my son tells me he want to go to his dads so he can play longer

Since you don't have the support of his father it's going to be tough.  Can  you call over to his house around 9 and ask to talk to your son? If he's still up you can catch his father in the lie.


It may not be real fair to your son, but if he throws a fit about his one hour of video time maybe you could take that away a couple of times. Even though this is actually the fault of his father your son still needs to learn how to act (I had HUGE issues with my son last year on how to act at school when the teacher was at fault a lot, he still needed to learn how to make good choices) .  While he is still learning, he is probably completely aware just doesn't like how "unfair" it is.


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Andrewsmomom
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 12:14 PM
I have sole custody and visitation is at my discretion would it be over bearing to write down our house rules and send them with explaining they must be followed?
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Manda1976
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:29 PM


Quoting Andrewsmomom:

I have sole custody and visitation is at my discretion would it be over bearing to write down our house rules and send them with explaining they must be followed?


Hell no!  I say do it.  If you son is in or starting pre school all of those changes are going to be HARD on him. Then kindergarten. He won't be able to function properly at school if he goes from no bed time and then back to your house.  It takes about 3 days to get back into your routine, by then the school week is just about over and you start the same crap right back up.  It's going to be you dealing with issues at school becuase he's a wreck from the lack of sleep. 

personal opinion only

(I'm a teacher and we've had a couple of kids that we could tell when they were at the "other house" when they came to school.  Sleeping in class, not prepared, talking back, fighting with friends. I relize your son has a way to go for this stuff.. but you're dealing with it early enough you may be able to figure it out.)

I'm not society's idea of beautiful......screw society.
Andrewsmomom
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 3:03 PM
His dad is gonna be out of town for a month and half which sadly I'm excited about cuz I'll be able to keep him on schedule so when he comes back into town I'll give him the list of rules and explain how important it is to let him on track. Thank you for your help! The things you pointed out are exactly what I'm worried about!
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