Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

what would you do

Posted by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 11:26 PM
  • 10 Replies
My daughter who will be 2 in January has a habit of talking back. I tell her she can't do this or she can't touch that and she points her index finger up and says Noooo stop! There times when she starts yelling at me Or she puts her lil finger near her mouth and tries to shhhh me. I don't know how to get her to stop. Everything I say she ignores it or talks back. Oh and I can't tell my older son who will be 3 on Sunday anything because she gets in front of him and starts yelling or moving her lil finger saying No, pow pow. When family is around she thinks she's being cute. How would you handle her???
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 11:26 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
zolanmel
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 11:29 PM

continue to correct the bahavoir every time she does it.

NearSeattleMom
by Bronze Member on Dec. 10, 2010 at 3:02 AM

She's imitating you.  Just  model good behavior and ignore the behavior you don't want.

SlightlyPerfect
by on Dec. 10, 2010 at 8:13 AM

My DD will be 2 next Saturday, so our kids are really close in age.

I saw similar behavior in my daughter a few weeks back, and I sat her down, and we talked. She has a lot of empathy and is very compassionate, so when we tell her something makes us sad or something hurts, that tends to work with her. But I use that as a last resort. Basically I tell her that Mommy and Daddy tell you no or yes because we know if something is good for you or will hurt you, and we used a physical example, like touching our holiday tree. We told  her no, she touched it, and she went ouch, and that worked. Once she trusted our "no"s, the behavior practically stopped. 

My DD was in daycare, too, for awhile, and they really helped us build a foundation for her regarding how to behave and how to listen to adults.

Is your DD in daycare or home with you? Could you have another adult talk to her about why she shouldn't talk or behave that way? It helps to have other adults model appropriate behavior for her, too, as well as discipline tactics.

When I was researching early childhood development, and after speaking with some friends who are elementary teachers, one thing that I have also found that works well with DD is when you give her a reason not to do something or do to something. It has to be consistent, but it doesn't necessarily have to be logical. Like, for example, when the clock reads 7:30, she knows it is bath time. In fact, the other night we were playing and she saw her digital clock to go 7:30,a nd she said, "Excuse me, guys. Bath time now please." What we did was tell her when the clock turns 7:30 it is time for a bath. We really didn't think she was listening or comprehending until that night she said that. 

So if you tell your child "It is time for a bath because it is 7:30," while that is not totally logical, it's a good enough reason for young children. The key is that the reason has to relate to the behavior you want. You can't say something like, "Ok, it's bath time because fries are yummy!" They don't relate. But the concept of time and the concept of bath time do relate. Does that make sense?

Maybe you can try something like that. Give her a reason why she shouldn't act that way. Maybe it hurts people to do that or that is how adults talk but not children or mommy and daddy know best.

corrinacs
by on Dec. 10, 2010 at 10:13 AM

Hey,

First of all, ignore these antics.  she's trying to get attention, so you have to show her this isn't an acceptible way of getting attention. Sure, if it gets bad enough,  you should place her in timeout each time she does it.  

When my son talks back to me, I squeeze his arm.  He hates that, but its my way of saying "I am the boss" without being too forceful.  It gets the point across.

 

mrsfitz05
by on Dec. 10, 2010 at 12:24 PM

 Back talk gets time out. I give her one "You do NOT talk to adults that way". If it happens again or that same phrase/tone is repeated straight to time out. Whining or requests made with attitude are not granted. You can ask respectfully and like a big girl or you don't get it. If you continue to whine and cry about it you can go sit in your room until you are done. I also do not permit interrupting when adults are talking. If you need to say something to an adult engaged in conversation or on the phone, you can say excuse me once and wait until you are acknowledged. This is a work in progress. Emergencies are of course the exception, but dropping your crayon while mommy is on a business call is NOT an emergency.

Call me harsh if you like, but if you allow them to start giving you attitude now and getting away with it, you'll end up with the teenagers we've all seen in public telling mom to shut up or getting an attitude with their teachers.

Plus-size-mommy
by Gold Member on Dec. 10, 2010 at 12:35 PM

Bump, I agree with the ignoring idea!

mewebb82
by Bronze Member on Dec. 10, 2010 at 12:45 PM

She's testing her limits and trying to get your attention. Every time you respond, you are feeding into it.. You are giving her exactly the reaction she is looking for. Just ignore it. She will stop once she realizes she is not getting the reaction she is looking for.

My daughter did that too and once I started ignoring her it stopped. I did have to tell her sometimes when she yelled (and still do sometimes, but it isn't very often now) that I can't understand her and she needs to calm down and tell me what she wants in a nice voice. I am caring for a little boy now that is starting to do the same thing. He also gets in between me and another child and I hold his hand to gently pull him out of the way and then ignore the fit that results and continue what I was doing. He is gradually starting to decrease the duration of these antics, but those attitudes aren't completely gone yet.

sophiesmom07
by on Dec. 10, 2010 at 2:39 PM

 There needs to be a consequence, either time out or  removing her from something she likes or taking away some kind of privilege.  This needs to be done EVERY time.  You can give a warning, but you must be consistent with the consequence.  When she sees that you mean business, she will stop this behavior.

gcstar42
by Bronze Member on Dec. 10, 2010 at 5:04 PM

I think you should consistantly discipline her every single time she does it whether you give spankings, time out, take things away, etc and also talk to her each time. Correct her and tell her how it is wrong and that you do not like her to talk that way.

SlightlyPerfect
by on Dec. 10, 2010 at 9:57 PM

Yes, exactly! But sometimes it is just so difficult to be conscious enough to remember this is attention-seeking behavior and not necessarily something she is picking up and carrying with her, you know?

The hardest thing for me at this point in time, having an almost-2-year-old, is that every time I see behavior that is inappropriate, I picture her being 16 and defiant and if I don't correct that now, she will carry it through her entire childhood, adolescence, and into adulthood, at which time she will be forced into therapy just to land a job in a tough economy! In this perspective, every mistake is seen as a fatal error!

Ugh. my ability to overanalyze seriously frustrates myself sometimes.

Quoting mewebb82:

She's testing her limits and trying to get your attention. Every time you respond, you are feeding into it.. You are giving her exactly the reaction she is looking for. Just ignore it. She will stop once she realizes she is not getting the reaction she is looking for.


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)