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when to step in?

Posted by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 1:17 PM
  • 11 Replies
I recently took my almost 3 yr old to her first dance class. She did well for the first 1/2 then when they changed to tap dancing and I helped her change her shoes she wanted me to come into the room and I explained to her that I was watching her from outside the studio and she was doing great. She returned to the class and didn't participate she was very shy and the teacher was holding her and trying to encourage her to participate. I did not interfere and I continued to watch from outside the studio. When the class was over she crawled into my lap at the studio and cried. I did not interfere because I want her to build trust with her instructor and learn to take instruction with out mama around. Am I a terrible mom for not interfering or should I continue to try and foster independence?
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by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 1:17 PM
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Replies (1-10):
2and2onway
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 1:21 PM

You did exactly what I would have done.

Terri1985
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 1:26 PM

yes i agree with 2and2onway. I think you are doing good

2-point-doe
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 1:27 PM

Unless she was being disruptive I wouldn't have interfered either. She will get more comfortable as they go and as she learns the moves and what is expected from her. You might make sure and show her where you watch from and assure her that you a there.

justcallmemom86
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 1:32 PM

The EXACT same thing happened to me 2 weeks ago when my 4 yo started soccer. It was TERRIBLE, but i made him stay for the whole time and watch until he decided to participate. He has his first practice tomorrow and I am DREADING it. But he has begged to play and now he is signed up. He is normally very independent so this was way outta character. You did exactly what I would have done.

bhwrn1
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 1:56 PM

not at all! i think you did exactly the right thing!

Amanda_Jeanne
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 2:17 PM

I have a different feel on this... my mom signed me up for tap/ballet when I was about 3 or 4, and although I don't have a TON of memories about it, I do recall that I felt pretty uncomfortable and cried at a few of my lessons. Mostly because there was an assistant in the room who I didn't like (she wasn't a bad person, I just never got to know her) and I remember the whole experience scaring the crap out of me. I wish my mom had stayed in the room for a session or two to help me feel more comfortable and ease into it, I may have stuck out dance lessons. My mom ended up taking me out because I would get upset all the time.

So my feelings are, it wouldn't hurt to stay in the room with her for a little bit so she knows you are there and can feel more comfortable, then gradually ease your way out.

ShadowRaven
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 2:25 PM

I think that it all depends on the child. Some need a little help when trying something new, to help comfort them. If it were my son though, I probably would have left him alone unless he was being disruptive. He's so attached to me that I tend to be more of a distraction/hindrance than helping lol.

kmyoung90
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 2:27 PM

you did an amazing job!!!!

2-point-doe
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 2:31 PM

I disagree with this only because it would be distracting for hte rest of the children in the class. If you are needed to be in the room then maybe your child isn't ready or you need ot find some version of a mommy and me dance class.

Quoting Amanda_Jeanne:

I have a different feel on this... my mom signed me up for tap/ballet when I was about 3 or 4, and although I don't have a TON of memories about it, I do recall that I felt pretty uncomfortable and cried at a few of my lessons. Mostly because there was an assistant in the room who I didn't like (she wasn't a bad person, I just never got to know her) and I remember the whole experience scaring the crap out of me. I wish my mom had stayed in the room for a session or two to help me feel more comfortable and ease into it, I may have stuck out dance lessons. My mom ended up taking me out because I would get upset all the time.

So my feelings are, it wouldn't hurt to stay in the room with her for a little bit so she knows you are there and can feel more comfortable, then gradually ease your way out.


SoniaL
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 2:35 PM

Maybe it would be good to talk to the teacher before the next class. get her feel for it all. Maybe she has some encouraging words or insight.  My DD#2 wanted to do soccer so bad when she was 4. When she had her 1st practice she cried and cried and wouldn't do the stuff. The coach said for one of us to go out there w/ her to help her along. Dh did and he wouldn't let her quit but he stayed out there on the field next to her the whole practice.  And he told her if she did it w/ him that day we wouyld get ice cream. He just wanted her to not be afraid to try and to know she can trust him (daddy).  Aftert hat prctice she was fine. :)

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