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OTHER children's bad behavior in play dates where do you draw the line?

Posted by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 9:03 PM
  • 19 Replies

When is enough enough?  When does the danger or negative influence to your child outweigh the positive influence that you can give to another child?

I let the neighbor girl, who is 5, come to play with my daughter, who will be 4 in November.  She comes in and she starts talking about farting and puking.  I told her to stop, that we don't talk like that in this house.  When she asked why i said because i said so.  

Then i went to the bathroom, which is down the hall.  When i came out of the bathroom, my DD and this girl were in the living room and i heard this girl say to my daughter, Now turn around.  Now lift your shirt up.  When i ran out to see what the hell was going on in the 30 secs that it took for me to pee, my DD is standing there with her back to the girl, with her shirt lifted up.  I asked what was going on and the neighbor girl gave me a guilty look and said nothing.  I said no, there's something going on and i would to know what it is.  I never got an answer, but what i could determine from the situation and he amount of time that went on, that my DD's pants were falling down, and her buttcrack was showing slightly.  THis neighbor girl was trying to pull her pants up for her.  I told her thank you, but that my dd could pull up her own pants and that if she couldn't i would be able to do it, that she shouldn't be trying to help her that way.

Then they were playing and i was watching, and this girl was pretending to sleep and told my dd to go over there and wait till i fall asleep and you can be the ugly man that comes and gets my feet.  I asked her if there was an ugly man that came and got her feet when she slept and she said yes, and i asked who and she pointed to my dd.

Then the other day, i was gone, and this little girl comes to the door and my dd ran over.  This girl told my daughter to open the door, so my daughter did, and when my dh went over to keep her from getting out the door.  She threw a fit, saying she told me to, she told me to.

So then, after my daughter had calmed down, this girl told my dd to go get her plastic hammer ( that they'd been playing with before) and hit the window until it broke.  When that didn't work, she told my daughter to go and get a running start to throw her body up against the window.

And my dh says that this is all because he locked the screen door so that she couldn't get out and this is how she was trying to get my dd to come out.

Now, i am ready to say, no more contact with this weird little girl.  She comes from a single parent family, they never pay attention to her, part of me feels bad.  I would love to invite this little girl into my home and try to teach her how to behave properly and so on and so forth.

However, i see relatively little of her, so i don't know as though my presence would even have any influence on her life.  And how much bad stuff would she teach my dd in the mean time?  I don't like this little girl one bit, and i don't like her family, but i'm trying to keep my biases out of it and keep an open mind for my daughter's sake, but could this little girl be negatively influencing my daughter permanently?  Ugh, please help!


by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 9:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 9:05 PM

Yeah, it would be nice if you could give her some attention and love, but she sounds scary. I wouldn't want her around my dd either.

by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 9:15 PM

If you are not happy with how the child is, no more play dates. My oldest had a friend at school. We had one outing with him and his mom. I stopped it at that. I didn't like the way he was. The teacher at school even put them in different classes b/c of the way he would play with my son. I am glad she did.

by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 9:54 PM

 I stopped play dates with another mom and her daughter because I didn't like how her daughter treated my dd.  I say, cut  her off.

by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 9:56 PM
Thats a tough one. I would feel really really bad for the little girl but I probably would stop the playdates with her.
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by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:01 PM

She sounds like a curious 5 year seem to be looking for awkward things in her.....Why didnt your DH just tell her that she needed to go home because they couldnt play today? Or close the door? That makes no sense to me. You are taking it way out of what it really is it seems. About the feet thing, that is the age where 'boogie man' can come. About the pants, if she was trying to help your daughter, why would you talk to her like that? And from your first few sentences, it really seems you just dont like her so you are rude to her. "Because I said so"? Really? Why not just say it is inappropriate in your house? i HATE when parents answer their kids with "Because I said so", it does absolutely no good.

by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:35 PM
I wouldn't let my kid play with her anymore..and talk to the mom to see if something more going on..
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by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:41 PM

I would not let me DD play w/ her anymore.

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by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:48 PM

It's a tough situation, but I would trust your instincts.


by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:50 PM

I'm not sure if you are a Christian or not, but our pastor once said something that has been a guiding thought for me in these types fo situations:

When the work God is doing through you begins to hinder the work God is doing in you it ceases to be the work of God

by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:58 PM
I would just cut it off. As for her home situation, its none of your business. The last thing you want to do is step in and parent her and get in trouble for it. It'll work out by itself. If they are physically sexually abusing her then yea call the police but I wouldn't try to correct someone else child.
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