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Teen Mean-Girl Drama in the Pre-K

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 1:34 PM
  • 19 Replies



Question: Should I e-mail the little girl's mom, or let it alone to hopefully work itself out?


E-mail the Mom

Leave it alone

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Total Votes: 22

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My daughter (4yo) had this best friend for the past 2 years in preschool. All of a sudden, this best friend got a new best friend, "L".... My daughter already feels left out, but to make matters worse, the "first best friend" kind of rubs it in my daughter's face (from what she tells me). It breaks my heart that this age-old story is happening to her already at such a young age. My daughter asked me to talk to the little girl about it, because "she is mean to me and makes me feel left out because she likes 'L' better than me". I'm not really sure how to handle it. I told her I wouldn't talk directly to the little girl, but that I might e-mail the girl's mom (we are mom-friends) about talking to her daughter about being inclusive. Is this the right thing to do? I know this is all petty stuff tha could vanish overnight. It's just hard to see her hurting and naturally I want to put a stop to any meanness coming her way. Please help, MOMS!

by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 1:34 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 8:39 PM

I would email the mom.

by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 9:10 PM
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i would say wait to see if they can solve it by themself if it contiues for about a week then i'd talk to the mom.

by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 9:14 PM
I would call, not email, after a couple days if things don't get better. Or even schedule a play date and bring it up.
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by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 9:17 PM
I'd leave it alone.

Isn't that what pre-k is all about? Trying to figure stuff out in your own.

If it gets to the point someone is being physical then yeah, but I'm sure your DD will just find a new friend.
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by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 9:25 PM
Wow. At 4? I think its typical mean girl behavior and typical 4 year old behavior for "first best friend" to act sassy.. But I didn't know they cold be so mean so young! :( I would wait awhile then if she continues to get her feelings hurt much longer I would contact mom.
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by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 9:41 PM

If you are friends with the mom I would talk to her. It is something could blow over quickly but I think you should still talk to the mom so that she can work with her daughter on this. If my child was doing this I would want to know so that I could work on them. However word it very delicate so you don't offend or hurt a friendship. If you aren't comfortable with talking to the mom if it is happening at school talk to the teacher. My son is always the new kid so he has had teachers hold a friendship meeting where they talk about including kids like my son. Good Luck I have a 9year old who is picked on all the time because he is different and the new kid. The problem is the teachers never catch it with 30kids. My son won't tel on them because he don't want to tattle.

by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 10:39 PM
I would just leave it alone
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by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 8:33 PM

I would talk to the mom face to face, because of their age. Because they are so young, mom has a chance to nip this bad girl behavior in the butt before it becomes ingrained. I had a similar problem at that age w/my daughter's BFF...Her mom took control of the situation and now, 3 years later, her daughter, still mine's bff, is a kind wonderful child.

by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 8:38 PM
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I am surprised that so many people are saying leave it alone. If these were teenagers, I would certainly agree with that and tell my daughter to find better friends. But these girls are 4 years old...this is a teachable moment. Having been through this before with positive results, I know this is a good time to address our expectations of our girls' behavior. Ignoring bad behavior is a terrible idea.

by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 8:43 PM

As hard as it is to hear, I'd stay out of it.  We all have to go through this and learn how to deal with it.   I would offer support and try to help my dd feel better about the whole situation. Girls can be so mean. Smh. 

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