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singles moms i need advice how do you do it alone?

Posted by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 5:25 PM
  • 10 Replies
I've never been alone? And now I have a choice of staying with my dh and still having issues with his anger, my lying to keep from getting him angry, and financial arguments and staying in MICHIGAN or leaving dh and doing it on my own with 2 kids and MAYBE being happy. I'm going to be honest. I would only stay with him just to get out of Michigan. And right now idk what to do. Because I don't want to be in Michigan and I'm afraid to do it alone.
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by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 5:25 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ekh2010
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 5:32 PM
You'd be surprised at what you can actually handle. It may seem awful right now but have you weighed the pros/cons. If your dh weren't in the pic how would you do it? If you want child support he gets at least visitations...do you have friends or family supporting your decision to leave? Local shelters and churches also. Check into all options before making your decision. The unknown is scary mama but it'll work if its meant to. Good luck
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GlowingxMomma
by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 3:17 PM

I am a single mom. Have been since I was 3 months pregnant. It's hard at first. You get angry a lot. You hate him a lot. But time makes you stronger and stronger. You realize how much you can do on your own and how well you do it. It helps to have supportive people surrounding you. They help out a lot. Decide what is best for your children then go from there. I did it with my son. Before he was even born, I knew his father was bad news. I was trying to leave him when I found out. I am so much happier without him. But that's me. Good luck!!!

Chelsey191
by Member on Nov. 27, 2011 at 3:20 PM

You just take it one day at a time. Work hard, remind yourself to stay patient and look into the faces of your babies and know that in the end its worth it.

big_red05
by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 3:47 PM

you have to think of what is best for you and your kids, is staying w your dh really whats best for your family? its hard to be a single mom but its also hard to raise kids in a household that is very negitive or where mom is unhappy.... 

crimsonangel180
by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 4:30 PM

I relate to you that was me over 2 years ago. my ex husband and I seperated and he told me that he wanted me to put the kids up for adoption. ( he was rough with the twins when they were newborns, he also had anger issues and grew up in an abusive house) I had more than once thought about taking him back so my kid wouldnt come from a "broken" family. But heres what i did ( and still do) when i feel that my kids deserve a whole family. I make a list. all the postives of getting back together, such as the kids having there dad around, or them seeing what a marriage is. and the cons, my ds being put second to dd ( which is very visible everytime he visits), my ds being abused phyiscally and emotionally by his dad. ( his family only abused the boys not the girls). for me even thought being single wasnt ever something i ever wanted I know that this is the best options for my kids and me ( plus a happy momma makes happier kids) i think you should sit down and think about what your future will look like if you stay with him. also if you have ds remember that he will learn to be like his father and a dd will learn to love a man like her father.

I live with my parents and have no hope of moving out in the near future. is it easy no. but its better then the alternative....

vamom08
by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 5:04 PM
Thank about your kids they will reward you stay positive if you be negative then you will feel like giving up .I had my daughter at 19 she is 3 I have been a single mom for 3 years some days it hard but some days its easy run away with your kids ,play ball with them,color with them,kids can really be affected by the drama around them my daughter live in a house with verbal abuse for 2 years she is now going to a therapist you have to put your kids feelings first before you think about whats best for you what you think is best for you might not be best for your children.
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hargonagain
by on Nov. 28, 2011 at 12:28 AM
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I am a single Mom by choice, I adopted my son alone.  I did have a boyfriend at the time, but when he first heard that I was actually getting a baby, he was so angry he said that he hoped my baby died.  I dated 2 other guys after him, each one had issues with me being a Mom, they wanted my son to be in the background of my life.  Seen but not heard, speak only when spoken too, that type of thing.  So, I decided that I will not date, I will not expose my son to anyone who deserve to know him.  He is the reason I do everything I do.  I work full time and run a part time Massage Therapy business.  He goes to daycare all day and every once in a while I send him with his Aunt and Uncle so I can regroup and relax, catch up on housework or just have some time alone. 

I have a great support system, friends and family that help me out when I need help.  His birth mother and I swap babysitting at times (she has an 8 year old and a 2 year old).  I do get upset and overwhelmed, but I feel it is better to be overwhelmed than depend on a man to help me that will not be good to my son.  I had one guy tell me he wished he had met before I adopted my son.  At first I thought oh how sweet, but no, he meant he wished had met me before I adopted so that he could have stopped the adoption!  If your kids' dad is abusing your son, RUN!  You can do it alone, I promise!  There is help for you, women's centers or shelters, family assistance etc.  Women are amazingly strong when it comes to protecting their kids, it's that whole Mama Bear instinct. 

If you do leave, be sure you have a plan.  Know where you are going, how you will get there etc.  Be sure to get cash money, not rely on joint credit cards or debit cards.  It is important to know the laws about child custody in your state and the state you want to move to.  You don't want to take them out of state and be charged with kidnapping.  Be sure you do everything legally, but carefully!  Call a women's shelter if you need to.  Good luck to you!

Emmabear
by on Nov. 28, 2011 at 1:40 AM
I'm a single mom to a 19 month old. I was married and living an amazing lifestyle with my ex, but our relationship was bad and he left me when the baby was two months old. I didn't know what to do. I moved home to my parents and made it work. What I've realized is that life is never ideal, you are stronger than you think and your priorities change. I never thought I'd be happy living here again but I'm saving money and it's good for my son. You can do it, and I agree that it's much better being away from an abusive ex. You'll surprise yourself at how much you can do alone.
Mooty1010
by on Nov. 28, 2011 at 1:46 AM

I am kind of in the same boat there! I found out I was prego when I was a month and a half.  I had actually broken up with the p.o.s about 2 months prior, just hadn't moved out yet.  When I found out I was prego, it gave me the COURAGE to finally get the heck out of there! I was SOOO unhappy.  I've been a single mom since a month and a half pregnant, and it's the best decision I ever made. I am also on disability-a very tight, fixed income. So yes, it is hard. AND I get no child support because he is a p.o.s like I said! lol  But baby girl, when you do it alone, and you take care of business, it feels SO good to know that you CAN do it. It gives you so much pride and gratitude also. Just remember-things could ALWAYS be worse. And if you have to constantly lie to this man to avoid fights and his ANGER, I would highly suggest getting out of that anyway. But that is merely my opinion. Personally, I would rather be alone than be unhappy with someone else.  You can be unhappy and do bad all by yourself!  Don't let someone else be the one to cause your unhappyness.  I promise you, you have strengths that you had no IDEA were even there.  How do you think all us other moms do it?  It will be ok baby.  And always remember, God has a reason and a plan for everything.

ae2011
by on Nov. 28, 2011 at 1:53 AM
Being with someone who has anger issues is not good for your kids. When my daughter was 5 months old her dad was abusive and we would fight alot. We wouldn't fight in front of her but she knew what was going on. Now she is almost 3 and every time someone is close to me tickling me or something for fun, she starts screaming because she thinks they are hurting mommy. So please think real good about your decision because whatever you decide it will affect your kids in some way
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