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Toddlers & Preschoolers Toddlers & Preschoolers

Has anyone else noticed this gender-bias against boys?

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Hi:

I'm a 31-year-old single mother of a 3-year-old boy. I have some questions regarding gender stereotypes made by society. Even though I'm a woman, I feel society tends to favor girls over boys.

I've noticed from an early age -- and continue to notice that -- women usually treat toddlers in a gender-neutral manner. However, men usually treat girl-toddlers better* than boy-toddlers solely on the basis of the gender of the toddlers. Why is this?

*better = the following:

1. More compassion
2. More sympathy
3. More respect
4. More gentleness
5. More easiness
6. More empathy
7. More cleanliness
8. More protection
9. More luxury
10. More personal space
11. More privacy
12. More security
13. More freedom
14. More modesty
15. More decency
16. More leniency
17. Less discipline
18. Less strictness
19. Less physical contact
20. More politeness
21. More Courtesy
22. Lower expectations

This preferential-treatment of little girls over little boys leads to gender-discrimination against little boys. For example if the adult in charge is a man and a little girl hits a little boy and he hits her back, the boy gets faces condemnation from the man and the girl goes scott-free. Now if the adult in charge is a woman, she usually treats the boy and girl in a fair and equitable manner.

Why do men favor girls over boys? Is any this anti-boy gender discrimincation logical or innate? Or is it learned behavior practiced [by men] simply to comform to societal norms?

I don't want my son to suffer this horrific prejudice against boys.

Also, am I hallucinating this sexism? Or is this really happening?


Thanks,

Charlotte

by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 9:47 PM
Replies (41-50):
big_red05
by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 10:14 AM
I was raised a Tom boy.. My dad told me that a woman who can take Care of herself and doesn't need a man is more respected... Of course I grew up and realized it was total bs men rarley respect women in terms of being able to do a mans job.. But hey I still did it! Lol I was in the army :)

My step father never cared I was a girl or younger or whatever, he expected me to do the same things my older step brother did. Especially at camp hauling water from the well building fires etc.. He was an ass but I neve expected special treatment from anyone because I had a vagina.. I raise my kids the same way, the same, in my house there is no such thing as boy toys and girl toys, both my kid play with TOYS lol and as they get older they will have the same respknsibites regardless of their gender


Quoting othermom:

My youngest is a girl and she is 2 1/2 and she has been punished way more than the older two ever had to be at that age(my older two are a boy and girl) because she is way more active, opionionated and in to everything, throws more fits, ect.


Growing up I delt with a lot of bias for being a girl from my dad. I would be told that that is a womens job and things like that. So I try to be fair with my kids on stuff. For the most part my family and friends all our too so I never have noticed anything like that with my kids at all.


Quoting big_red05:

I'm really not sure what you are talking about.. My daughter has been in 3 preschools... And the boys are punished exactly the same as the girls, hitting is hitting, name callin is name calling.. Girls don't get easier punishments then boys.. Although I HAVE noticed that at a certain age boys are more rowdy then girls, meaning they might be getting punished more, but not because they are boys but because their behavior dictates it... I hae a boy and girl, and my son at 2 has needed way more discipline then my daughter needed at the same age.. And I'm havig a hard time because my husband was raised to give favorable treatment to boys... In his family boys are the princes and can do no wrong... So he has that mentality and is harder on my daughter then my son... Luckily I'm a sahm now and I do most of the parenting and make sure I step in when my husband starts being sexist as I call it..

But that's something unique to my house like I said I've only seem boys and girls treated the same when it comes to preschools




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Hn2baes
by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 10:23 AM
Adult males are harsher on little boys because they feel that they need to "toughen them up."
They usually see little girls as these fragile sensitive little things.
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Mother_of_Boy
by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 10:29 AM


Quoting Hn2baes:

Adult males are harsher on little boys because they feel that they need to "toughen them up."
They usually see little girls as these fragile sensitive little things.

This is the very discrimination I'm against.

As little kids, girls are not weaker or more sensitive than boys.

Due to this sexism [perpetrated by adult men], little girls often take advantage of little boys.

stephiebugg
by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 10:33 AM

I agree to an extent. I think a lot of it is machismo. LOL Men dont want to baby boys. It's too bad, because you know... when they are little like that, they are still babies. 

othermom
by Silver Member on Apr. 18, 2012 at 10:36 AM

I am a tom boy too, but there were things that my dad would tell me were womas wok and I would get punished for things that my brother never would. But I was expected to do a lot of the same things as my brother too like haul wood and bricks for the garen, I would mow the lawn ect. There was one time that really stands out to me is I went to the movies once with a group of friends(I was like 15) we stopped by my dads before we left and he met who I was going with there were three girls and two guys. We went to the movies, but it started later than I thought and so I was home a half hour late and got grounded for a week. At 16-17 my brother would be gone all night get drunk, had alcohal poisening a few times and didn't get in to any trouble at all.

Quoting big_red05:

I was raised a Tom boy.. My dad told me that a woman who can take Care of herself and doesn't need a man is more respected... Of course I grew up and realized it was total bs men rarley respect women in terms of being able to do a mans job.. But hey I still did it! Lol I was in the army :)

My step father never cared I was a girl or younger or whatever, he expected me to do the same things my older step brother did. Especially at camp hauling water from the well building fires etc.. He was an ass but I neve expected special treatment from anyone because I had a vagina.. I raise my kids the same way, the same, in my house there is no such thing as boy toys and girl toys, both my kid play with TOYS lol and as they get older they will have the same respknsibites regardless of their gender


Quoting othermom:

My youngest is a girl and she is 2 1/2 and she has been punished way more than the older two ever had to be at that age(my older two are a boy and girl) because she is way more active, opionionated and in to everything, throws more fits, ect.


Growing up I delt with a lot of bias for being a girl from my dad. I would be told that that is a womens job and things like that. So I try to be fair with my kids on stuff. For the most part my family and friends all our too so I never have noticed anything like that with my kids at all.


Quoting big_red05:

I'm really not sure what you are talking about.. My daughter has been in 3 preschools... And the boys are punished exactly the same as the girls, hitting is hitting, name callin is name calling.. Girls don't get easier punishments then boys.. Although I HAVE noticed that at a certain age boys are more rowdy then girls, meaning they might be getting punished more, but not because they are boys but because their behavior dictates it... I hae a boy and girl, and my son at 2 has needed way more discipline then my daughter needed at the same age.. And I'm havig a hard time because my husband was raised to give favorable treatment to boys... In his family boys are the princes and can do no wrong... So he has that mentality and is harder on my daughter then my son... Luckily I'm a sahm now and I do most of the parenting and make sure I step in when my husband starts being sexist as I call it..

But that's something unique to my house like I said I've only seem boys and girls treated the same when it comes to preschools


 



Hn2baes
by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 10:56 AM
I don't agree that little girls take advantage of little boys, but I do agree that its wrong to treat them differently.

Quoting Mother_of_Boy:



Quoting Hn2baes:

Adult males are harsher on little boys because they feel that they need to "toughen them up."

They usually see little girls as these fragile sensitive little things.

This is the very discrimination I'm against.

As little kids, girls are not weaker or more sensitive than boys.

Due to this sexism [perpetrated by adult men], little girls often take advantage of little boys.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
VintageWife
by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 11:03 AM
2 moms liked this
lmbo at all the numbered lists
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Linz0522
by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 11:08 AM
I have kind of seen this. My 3 year old son gets blamed for a lot in the church nursery. Even if this little girl goes over and hits him.....if he hits her back he is in trouble and a horrible child. But the little girl gets no punishment. It is usually by the male in the nursery
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Holztastic
by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 11:12 AM

I do see this happening. I am not sure I have ever thought about it as in-depth as you have, but as a mom of a boy and a childcare provider for over 100 children over the years, I can say that you are right, and I myself have been guilty of favoring girls over boys. I'm not even sure why, because you're right - females are not by nature weaker, less aggressive, more deserving of luxury, etc.

Mother_of_Boy
by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 12:07 PM


Quoting Linz0522:

I have kind of seen this. My 3 year old son gets blamed for a lot in the church nursery. Even if this little girl goes over and hits him.....if he hits her back he is in trouble and a horrible child. But the little girl gets no punishment. It is usually by the male in the nursery

I'm so sorry to hear about this disgusting treatment of your child. It's a sad fact that adult men treat little girls better than little boys. I don't understand why they do this. Women, on the other hand, mostly treat little kids in a gender-neutral manner. Men should start doing the same.

BTW, I am a feminist. Ironically, feminism does not cause the "anti-boy sexism" that I speak of. In fact, most feminists want to eliminate this sexism and many other forms of gender-discrimination. Machismo is our worst enemy as it spoils little girls rotten while roughly-treating little boys.

In many non-western cultures, anti-boy sexism is far worse than in America. This is due -- in part -- to lack of feminism in those societies. Also, the further back you go in time -- even in America -- the more intense the discrimination was. I'm thankful that there is feminism in my time and place. Feminists often attempt to save little boys from the horrors of the "macho" culture and I'm definitely one of these feminists.

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