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Toddlers & Preschoolers Toddlers & Preschoolers

Don't Say: I'm going to leave without you!

Posted by on May. 2, 2012 at 10:06 PM
Jen
  • 3 Replies

This is from an article: 5 Things Parents Shouldn't Say to Say to Their Kids



Your kid refuses to leave the toy store or a park and you are going to be late for an appointment. So you issue an ultimatum sure to freak your child out: "I'm going to leave without you!" For young kids, fear of parental abandonment is very real. But what happens when your threat doesn't work? "The biggest problem is that we want our kids to believe what we say. For a whole host of reasons, we need our kids to believe us. If you want them to believe what we say is true, we cannot say something that is patently false," says Deborah Gilboa, a family doctor, parenting speaker, and mom of four boys. The result is that the child quickly learns that mom or dad makes empty threats. "Parents say it because they don't know what else to do...it's a bad idea," says Dr. Gilboa: "You need to strive not to make empty threats. If you plant a flag, you have to defend it...say what you mean and follow through." 

Try this: Don't tell your kids you're going to leave without them. Instead, plan ahead. Chances are high that you've seen your child behave this way before. You know what will trigger a tantrum. What will you say if your child throws a fit or refuses to leave? "It's okay to identify unacceptable behavior," says Dr. Gilboa. "You can tell them it's not acceptable but you have to motivate them with a consequence that you can carry out." 

Do you agree? 

by on May. 2, 2012 at 10:06 PM
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Replies (1-3):
bhwrn1
by on May. 3, 2012 at 5:43 AM

I plan ahead. But, things happen and sometimes kids are unpredictable. I don't tell them I will leave them, although I will tell them they can't go.

yellownes8
by on May. 3, 2012 at 9:23 AM
I don't tell my daughter I'm going to leave without her but I do tell her I'm leaving and I start to walk away...she always comes running after that.
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whatmynameagain
by on May. 3, 2012 at 9:30 AM
If I walk away a few steps to go I turn and my daughter doesn't budge, she just eaves and says "bye bye moma!"
Doesn't even care if I go or not.
She ll be 2 on Monday and already a smart butt:)
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