Advice Needed: help my 3 year old will not try to potty...

Being able to recognize that you need to you the bathroom is developmental. It's possible that she isn't quite there yet. Is there a reason she needs to? Like she needs to in order to go to preschool? Or are you just anxious to be out of diapers? Do you work full time or do you stay home?

This exact thing happened with Erin and I.  It was effecting our relationship.  One day I deceided I had had enough of it and I sat her down and told her "lets take a break" After your bubbas bday we can try again( it was 3 weeks away).  She looked shocked. I told her maybe your just not ready and mommy doesn't like fighting and arguing and you being upset all the time.  So I just went and bought a pack of pull ups.  The first few days she would test me.  Tell me she peed in her pull up wanting to know if she was in trouble.  I told her no honey we are taking a break and smile and hug her.  BEFORE the three weeks were up SHE decided she was going to do it and has every since even over night.  INow mind you she is my fourth and I had no issues with the other 3.  Here is a girl that wrote her name at 2 1/2.  She is so far ahead mentally so I just was frustrated.  It was taking over our lives and hurting our relationship.  Once I let go of what she SHOULD be doing by whatever age and told myself "hey shes so advanced mentally maybe that means physical stuff she is slower( she was a slow walker, has issues with her feet and legs) Once I let go of it she took over.  Its been 2 months now with IDK maybe 2-3 small leaks.  She looks at me scared that she is in trouble breaks my friggin heart that i ever made my baby feel that way.  i just smile tell her we all have accidents here and there and assure her I am not angry and smile and give her a big kiss.

What I am saying is STOP...back off....tell her your sorry for being so pushy and tell her you understand she isn't ready and you can try again later.  maybe set a calendar so she can see when your going to try again .  During that time SAY NOTHING unless she brings it up and then act like its no big deal.  Like you KNOW she will when shes ready and then be amazed by how your DD just does it once she has the power.

dont make her sit there just take here every hour.

She's not ready.   Potty training is 100% in her control and she's telling you clearly that she's not there yet.  Back off of her and she might surprise you.  The more you push, the more she will push back (as you are seeing).  When she's ready, she'll lead the way.

i have a flexable opinion. I don't think potty training is one way or the other. All children are so different. i can only share my personal experience. My 2nd and 3rd children i have decided to buck the system and train early. When they are "not ready" as many say. The first was conscienciously trained by 16 months but still slept in a pullup until recently. She'll be 3 in November. the second I am still training. We have been at it for a month and she goes 2/3 of the time. She even does very well on public toilets. i mention this because she is 12 months old and they are rather large for her. The flip side of my coin is where you are. I let my son 'self train' until I couldn't stand him not being ready anymore I started and stopped and sticker charted and treats, and then I gave up. I think at young ages, kids train well because they WANT to try to please you. I think after 2 when they are asserting their independence, they want to NOT do what you want them to do. It's one of the few things that are within thier control. You can't actually MAKE them go to the bathroom. So while cheering and rewarding and those things work when they are young, sometimes the best thing to do for an independent child is to back off,even though it's frustrating. My son strted and stopped on his own many times, for the various attentions it got him. When I fianlly truly 'gave up' he decided he wanted to and never had another 'accident'. But he's stubborn like his Mama :) You know your child better than any of us. Good luck!