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Toddlers & Preschoolers Toddlers & Preschoolers

Offended...Am I Wrong?

Posted by on Aug. 2, 2012 at 8:58 PM
  • 30 Replies

Pick up my 23 month old ds from daycare to find him standing at the front desk because he’s in trouble.  This is the 2nd day in a row that he’s been written up for hitting/slapping and kicking; however, they failed to give me info about yesterday’s incidents until this morning.  Talking to the owner, I expressed some concerns about new class rosters starting Monday.  He’ll be the biggest kid in his class and I’m afraid he will be mean to these new friends.  The owner said, “He will have to be OK in this class because there’s no where else for him to go since he’s so immature with all the hitting.”  Admittedly, we went through lots of hitting when he was 17-19 months, but moving him with the bigger kids has helped.  I pointed out that I was unaware of any problems with hitting other than the last 2 days.  I was completely offended she called him immature when there are kids in the class almost a year older that have consistently walked up and open handed slapped him and other kids in the face OR came up to hug them and shoved them on the floor.  (We have in-classroom cameras so we’ve seen this first-hand).  My kid’s immature….seriously?  Am I wrong to be offended?  BTW, I do not condone the last 2 days’ behavior. 

by on Aug. 2, 2012 at 8:58 PM
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Replies (1-10):
RobynS
by Robyn on Aug. 2, 2012 at 9:41 PM
1 mom liked this

She probably could have been more sensitive in the way she worded it... I don't think she MEANT to offend you. But we tend to be defensive when it comes to our own kids (mama bear!).

My guess is that she thinks those other kids need to mature some also. Maturity in children that young is all over the board, really--they develop and grow (both mentally and physically) at such different rates.

Try not to let this hurt your feelings, mama. It most likely wasn't meant to. (((hugs)))

MooreMom523
by on Aug. 2, 2012 at 9:43 PM

Agree with Robyn. 

brittcw87
by on Aug. 3, 2012 at 12:02 AM

I also agree with Robyn. I don't think she meant to offend, but she definitely could have used better wording. I've dealt with cold daycare owners before. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and your child. GL!

BramblePatch
by on Aug. 3, 2012 at 12:47 AM
Sounds like a fabulous place. {insert sarcasm here}
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familyof5now
by on Aug. 3, 2012 at 12:58 AM

 I understand how you feel. I had to deal with a daycare like that when my ds1 was not even 1 for a month. Of course my daycare gave me a choice....make my son stop biting or be removed from daycare; they would always tell me about him biting some one but never about him being bitten so hard that he had a huge bruise on his back(found it when gave him bath that night) and when brought it up to their attention they ignored me. I removed him from that daycare the next day and he never bit anyone else again.

That person at your daycare needs to learn how to talk about the kids they are watching better especially to the parents.

 

iansmommy9
by Silver Member on Aug. 3, 2012 at 3:48 AM

I am wondering how much my ds behavior ha to do with the other child I mentioned.  This child is on a behavior intervention plan where she gets stickers for not hitting.  If she gets 1 sticker @ end of day, she gets a small lollipop or smartie.  Now, ds is mimmicking many of the behaviors they are trying to correct with this child.  Is a 23 month old able to process that she used to do this, now she gets stickers/candy for behaving, If I misbehave then I'll get attention then candy?  It seems way to high level for a young child.

That being said, last week he returned to daycare after being out a week with a viral rash.  I expected him to have a rough first day back, so I told him if he was good all day, I'd give him a "pop" when I picked him up.  He earned the pop.  I did this for 2 days and things were going smoothely so no more pops.  When I dropped him off on Wednesday, he said, "Want pop"  Told him if he was good all day, I would give him a pop.  He then said, "No" made a pushing motion with his hands and said, Pop!" Told him No push for pop.  Push and no pop.  That day his behavior went into to overdrive along with 2 other friends.  Then the next day it was him and another friend getting a referral.

Just don't know if I'm reading too much into it, or what. 

Quoting familyof5now:

 I understand how you feel. I had to deal with a daycare like that when my ds1 was not even 1 for a month. Of course my daycare gave me a choice....make my son stop biting or be removed from daycare; they would always tell me about him biting some one but never about him being bitten so hard that he had a huge bruise on his back(found it when gave him bath that night) and when brought it up to their attention they ignored me. I removed him from that daycare the next day and he never bit anyone else again.

That person at your daycare needs to learn how to talk about the kids they are watching better especially to the parents.

 


iansmommy9
by Silver Member on Aug. 3, 2012 at 3:56 AM

Thanks, I learned my lesson about being direct and standing up from the incidents at 17-19 months.  When she referred to "all the hitting," I made sure to politely point out that 2 days doesn't warrant the "all the hitting" label.

These ownerstook over about a year ago.  At the previous center, they only kepts kids 2 and up, so they weren't accustomed to kids going through the early toddler behaviors--which seemed to have "marked" my ds.

Quoting brittcw87:

I also agree with Robyn. I don't think she meant to offend, but she definitely could have used better wording. I've dealt with cold daycare owners before. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and your child. GL!


iansmommy9
by Silver Member on Aug. 3, 2012 at 4:01 AM

Thanks!  She does have a pattern of using the wrong words for a situation.  Oftentimes her husband (the business side of the operation) has to do reword her statemetns for her.  He justhappened not to be near the conversation.

Quoting RobynS:

She probably could have been more sensitive in the way she worded it... I don't think she MEANT to offend you. But we tend to be defensive when it comes to our own kids (mama bear!).

My guess is that she thinks those other kids need to mature some also. Maturity in children that young is all over the board, really--they develop and grow (both mentally and physically) at such different rates.

Try not to let this hurt your feelings, mama. It most likely wasn't meant to. (((hugs)))


othermom
by Silver Member on Aug. 3, 2012 at 11:33 AM

I agree with this

Quoting RobynS:

She probably could have been more sensitive in the way she worded it... I don't think she MEANT to offend you. But we tend to be defensive when it comes to our own kids (mama bear!).

My guess is that she thinks those other kids need to mature some also. Maturity in children that young is all over the board, really--they develop and grow (both mentally and physically) at such different rates.

Try not to let this hurt your feelings, mama. It most likely wasn't meant to. (((hugs)))


PEEK05
by on Aug. 3, 2012 at 9:47 PM
1 mom liked this

I worked in child care and we noticed any time a child started becoming aggressive toward the others, we noticed they were ready to move up to the bigger class.  The aggressive behavior stopped immediately because they were where they needed to be.  I would want him somewhere else.

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