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Toddlers & Preschoolers Toddlers & Preschoolers

discipline help......room cleaning!

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My 3yo has been in his room for 24+hrs avoiding cleaning up a mess he made yesterday afternoon. I don't know what to do!! He got in trouble for bugging a brother and was sent to his room (I needed to put laundry away upstairs so his room was the best option for keeping an eye on him). while in his room he threw a box of K'Nex and they are all over his room. It was a smaller box, so it's not a ton of stuff. I told him pick it up and you can come out. He refused all night. I was on him all night and redirected him back to the task at hand. I worked around his room hoping it would motivate him to get it done. I was not going to do it for him. He fell asleep without picking them up. This morning he got up about 7:30, ate breakfast, sat with me on the couch for a minute then was sent upstairs to clean up the mess. This has literally lasted all day. He's been redirected every single time he has come downstairs. I don't know what to do at this point. Do I stay the course or change battle tactics?? He's three. He picks up toys everyday...why is *this* such a battle?! 

by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 7:53 PM
Replies (11-20):
Luvmy2babies22
by Platinum Member on Oct. 10, 2012 at 8:46 PM
1 mom liked this
That's exactly why you cant back down. You can modify by trying to force the issue but he has to pick them up in the end. I had a 45 min standoff with my dd when she was 16 months. She refused to say please for a glass of milk even though she totally could. She would say any other word I asked but when I said "say please." She would look me straight in the eye and NOT say it. So I went about my business until she was ready. 45 mins later she caved and it never happened again.


Quoting tennisgal:

that's how i feel, but now i'm getting incredibly annoyed!! he's so incredibly stubborn, but picking up his toys/room isn't some new concept to him either. 


Quoting Luvmy2babies22:

I would stay the course. Of course its getting extreme but hes digging his heels in hard. If he doesn't clean them up shortly start taking away his important toys until he complies. I understand the earlier post about his age and moving on but he knows exactly what hes doing. Once you pick a battle with your child you must win or you lose credibility. You may choose another tactic next time but you have to finish this.



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tennisgal
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 8:47 PM

They're his brother's K'Nex, so I don't want to throw them out. His brother would pick them up in a hearbeat. There aren't any other toys in their bedroom nor does my 3yo really play with toys. Now, if I took his bike away...that would terrify him, but not sure that's logical for a 3yo, lol. 

Quoting teri4lance:

Go get a garbage can and throw them out. Tell him since he treats his stuff like trash you will throw it out. Then do it.


Autumn19
by Silver Member on Oct. 10, 2012 at 8:50 PM
i went through a lot of battles of taking things away ds being in trouble over and over again from 3-5 almost 6. Its best to do it together or just do it yourself. He will be 6 and jan and now does it with little to no fight.
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teri4lance
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 8:53 PM
Give him the choice. You are going to have to make it hurt. "You are treating your brothers toys like trash. Since it wouldnt be fair to throw brothers stuff away, I guess we will have to throw something of yours away." Start small.....you might be surprised at his reaction if you throwing something exclusively his. Work your way up.
Dh and I have found that sometimes you have to make an impression.


Quoting tennisgal:

They're his brother's K'Nex, so I don't want to throw them out. His brother would pick them up in a hearbeat. There aren't any other toys in their bedroom nor does my 3yo really play with toys. Now, if I took his bike away...that would terrify him, but not sure that's logical for a 3yo, lol. 


Quoting teri4lance:

Go get a garbage can and throw them out. Tell him since he treats his stuff like trash you will throw it out. Then do it.



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teri4lance
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 8:59 PM
I have done physical guidance with my ds at that age too...but i received training on how to do that when interning at a university program for at risk prek'ers.
You basically stand behind him, lean over and take hold if his hands with your arms draped over his and pretty much work him like a puppet. You have to be careful to restrict your force and do it when you are calm. That way he is still doing it. I mean when it comes down to it, you are bigger than him and you can make him do it.


Quoting Luvmy2babies22:

That's exactly why you cant back down. You can modify by trying to force the issue but he has to pick them up in the end. I had a 45 min standoff with my dd when she was 16 months. She refused to say please for a glass of milk even though she totally could. She would say any other word I asked but when I said "say please." She would look me straight in the eye and NOT say it. So I went about my business until she was ready. 45 mins later she caved and it never happened again.




Quoting tennisgal:

that's how i feel, but now i'm getting incredibly annoyed!! he's so incredibly stubborn, but picking up his toys/room isn't some new concept to him either. 



Quoting Luvmy2babies22:

I would stay the course. Of course its getting extreme but hes digging his heels in hard. If he doesn't clean them up shortly start taking away his important toys until he complies. I understand the earlier post about his age and moving on but he knows exactly what hes doing. Once you pick a battle with your child you must win or you lose credibility. You may choose another tactic next time but you have to finish this.




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tennisgal
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 9:01 PM

however, does this teach them the lesson that is intended to be taught?? 

Quoting teri4lance:

I have done physical guidance with my ds at that age too...but i received training on how to do that when interning at a university program for at risk prek'ers.
You basically stand behind him, lean over and take hold if his hands with your arms draped over his and pretty much work him like a puppet. You have to be careful to restrict your force and do it when you are calm. That way he is still doing it. I mean when it comes down to it, you are bigger than him and you can make him do it.


Quoting Luvmy2babies22:

That's exactly why you cant back down. You can modify by trying to force the issue but he has to pick them up in the end. I had a 45 min standoff with my dd when she was 16 months. She refused to say please for a glass of milk even though she totally could. She would say any other word I asked but when I said "say please." She would look me straight in the eye and NOT say it. So I went about my business until she was ready. 45 mins later she caved and it never happened again.




Quoting tennisgal:

that's how i feel, but now i'm getting incredibly annoyed!! he's so incredibly stubborn, but picking up his toys/room isn't some new concept to him either. 



Quoting Luvmy2babies22:

I would stay the course. Of course its getting extreme but hes digging his heels in hard. If he doesn't clean them up shortly start taking away his important toys until he complies. I understand the earlier post about his age and moving on but he knows exactly what hes doing. Once you pick a battle with your child you must win or you lose credibility. You may choose another tactic next time but you have to finish this.





teri4lance
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 9:06 PM
That what you say goes? Yep, because he's still doing it. You have to assert your authority. Its evident that what you have done thus far has proven ineffective.

ETA this is the method that was used in our prigram in the sort of situation you are experiencing. You use the first lines like positive reinforcement, elevate to direct requests, and still no results, physical guidance.

Quoting tennisgal:

however, does this teach them the lesson that is intended to be taught?? 


Quoting teri4lance:

I have done physical guidance with my ds at that age too...but i received training on how to do that when interning at a university program for at risk prek'ers.

You basically stand behind him, lean over and take hold if his hands with your arms draped over his and pretty much work him like a puppet. You have to be careful to restrict your force and do it when you are calm. That way he is still doing it. I mean when it comes down to it, you are bigger than him and you can make him do it.





Quoting Luvmy2babies22:

That's exactly why you cant back down. You can modify by trying to force the issue but he has to pick them up in the end. I had a 45 min standoff with my dd when she was 16 months. She refused to say please for a glass of milk even though she totally could. She would say any other word I asked but when I said "say please." She would look me straight in the eye and NOT say it. So I went about my business until she was ready. 45 mins later she caved and it never happened again.







Quoting tennisgal:

that's how i feel, but now i'm getting incredibly annoyed!! he's so incredibly stubborn, but picking up his toys/room isn't some new concept to him either. 




Quoting Luvmy2babies22:

I would stay the course. Of course its getting extreme but hes digging his heels in hard. If he doesn't clean them up shortly start taking away his important toys until he complies. I understand the earlier post about his age and moving on but he knows exactly what hes doing. Once you pick a battle with your child you must win or you lose credibility. You may choose another tactic next time but you have to finish this.









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sweetone44_2004
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 9:20 PM
Not the best advice, but I had the same problem with my dd and I threw her toys away! She begged and cried but they went in the trash and we haven't had a problem ever since (that incident was last year.) And I also spank lol. So hopefully things will work out for you!
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tennisgal
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 9:28 PM
1 mom liked this

these things work great for my other kids, but not this one. he doesn't really play with toys, so he doesn't have a favorite toy to confiscate (although he adores his bike and tool box, but I feel like those are too off topic to be useful in this sitation...but maybe not). These are also his brother's K'Nex so I can't throw them away. His brother would pick them up in a heartbeat and has asked several times if he could help his brother. I'm not against spanking, it just isn't effective for this child (we spanked our oldest). He fell asleep again tonight and I'm thankful for the break, lol. 

Quoting sweetone44_2004:

Not the best advice, but I had the same problem with my dd and I threw her toys away! She begged and cried but they went in the trash and we haven't had a problem ever since (that incident was last year.) And I also spank lol. So hopefully things will work out for you!


sweetone44_2004
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 9:34 PM
Lol. Well I don't know what else to do! Google it that always helps me haha


Quoting tennisgal:

these things work great for my other kids, but not this one. he doesn't really play with toys, so he doesn't have a favorite toy to confiscate (although he adores his bike and tool box, but I feel like those are too off topic to be useful in this sitation...but maybe not). These are also his brother's K'Nex so I can't throw them away. His brother would pick them up in a heartbeat and has asked several times if he could help his brother. I'm not against spanking, it just isn't effective for this child (we spanked our oldest). He fell asleep again tonight and I'm thankful for the break, lol. 


Quoting sweetone44_2004:

Not the best advice, but I had the same problem with my dd and I threw her toys away! She begged and cried but they went in the trash and we haven't had a problem ever since (that incident was last year.) And I also spank lol. So hopefully things will work out for you!



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