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Toddlers & Preschoolers Toddlers & Preschoolers

Dicipline (very very long) §Doesn't work with all children§

Posted by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 6:34 PM
  • 5 Replies
BASICS First goal is to protect your child from danger. Another goal is to teach child right from wrong. The word "dicipline" means to "teach", it does not mean "to punish". To teach respect for the rights of others first teach your child about parents' rights. Children need parents who are "in charge". They don't really learn self control until 3 or 4 but still need guidence through adolescence. HOW TO BEGIN A DICIPLINE PROGRAM *List problem behaviors* What do you want to change? You can write down your childs inappropriate and annoying bahaviors. *Set priorities for correcting problem bahavior* Some misbehavior needs immediate attention such as hurting themselves or others. Some families with out of control children have too many rules and need to think about some behavior to overlook. *Decide what punishment you will use for each misbehavior* All behavior, good or bad, is mainly affected or shaped by consequences. If the consequence is pleasant, ex. reward or praise, child is more likely to repeat behavior. If consequence is unpleasant,ex. punishment, child is less likely to do the same thing again. Young children usually don't respond to lectures or reminders. Actions speak louder than words. The most effective actions are ignoring, redirecting, or timeout. *Temporarily stop physical punishment* Most out of control children are agressive and physical punishment tells them its ok to be agressive to solve problems. *Stop yelling* Yelling and screaming teach your child to yell back therefore ligitimizing shouting matches. Yelling often escalates to win-lose battles. Your child will respond better in the long run with a pleasant tone of voice and words of diplomacy. *Take daily breaks from your child* Try to have spouse or hire someone to take over for a few hours. Even take one night a week to have date night or hang out with a friend. *Give child more positive feed back* Children respond to dicipline from someone they feel loved by and want to please. Every child needs daily affection. Give your child increased attention when they aren't demanding it, especially if child is behaving well. If your child recieves more negative comments and criticisms each day than positive responses, you need to restore an emotionally healthy balance by having less rules, critize less, and giving more praise and affection. *Protect child self esteem* Your childs self esteem is more important than how well dicipline they are. Don't discuss problem behaviors and concerns about them, around them. Correct child in kind way such as "I'm sorry I can't let you....". Don't label child as "bad". *Express misbehavior as a clear and concrete rule* They don't understand vague descriptions like hyperactive or mean or irresponsible. *Also state the acceptable, desired, appropriate behavior* Your child needs to know what is expected of them. Ex. "Play with brother", "Read while I'm on the phone", or "Walk don't run". Make your praise of good behavior specific, ex. "Thank you for being quiet". *Ignore irrelevant or unimportant misbahavior* The more rules, the less likely your child is to obey them. Poor table manners, swinging legs or normal negativism are unimportant during early years. *Use rules that are fair attainable* Rules must fit childs age. A child should not be punished for normal emotional development, such as thumbsucking, fears of separation, or potty accidents. *Concrete on 2 or 3 rules initially* Give highest priority to issues of safety, such as not running into the street, and prevent harm of others. Of next importance is damages to property. Then annoying traits that wear you down. *Avoid trying to change no-win power struggles through punishment* "no-win behavior" is behavior that cannot be controlled by the parent if the child conitnues to do it. Ex. wetting pants, hair pulling, thumbsucking, body rocking, masturbation, not eating enough, not going to sleep, and refusal to complete school work. The first step is to withdrawl from it and stop punishment. Then give positive reinforcment when they bahave properly. *Apply rules consistantly* DICIPLINE TECHNIQUES ~Structuring home environment~ Change surroundings so theres no temptation for misbahavior. ~Distracting child from misbehavior~ Attract their attention to something else. Distracting is also called "diverting" or "redirecting". ~Ignoring misbehavior~ Ignoring helps stop unacceptable behavior that is harmless like tantrums, sulking, whining, quarreling, or interrupting. Properly walk away, turn your back, avoid eye contact, and stop conversation. Ignore protests or excuses. You may also have to leave the area where your child is. ~Verbal and nonverbal disapproval~ Mild disapproval is often all that is required to stop young childs behavior. Get close, get eye contact, look stern, and give a brief, direct instruction, such as "stop". Show your child what you want them to do. You may also point to make it clear. *cont.*
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 6:34 PM
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Replies (1-5):
mypbandj
by Jen on Oct. 12, 2012 at 7:07 PM

whew! That's a mouthful! LOL

sumannie
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 7:17 PM
Quoting mypbandj:

whew! That's a mouthful! LOL

I know right. lol. (: It continues.
debramommyof4
by Bronze Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 7:30 PM

 I could not agree more with some of the things you said, but you left out the part of not all of this works for every child.  I could do all of these thing and my oldest would still destroy things, lie and not behave.  That is who she is sometimes and while she is not bad she is not well behaved.

sumannie
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 8:12 PM
Quoting debramommyof4:

 I could not agree more with some of the things you said, but you left out the part of not all of this works for every child.  I could do all of these thing and my oldest would still destroy things, lie and not behave.  That is who she is sometimes and while she is not bad she is not well behaved.

Yeah I realize that now. It was just something I stumbled on that my doctor gave me for my kids a couple years ago and thought that it might help otjer mothers out there you know. But it continues. Thats not all. I've got another one for toddlers.
debramommyof4
by Bronze Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 8:36 PM

My one that it doesnt work with is 6.  My toddlers listen well with most of those things.

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