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Toddlers & Preschoolers Toddlers & Preschoolers

Does it ever end? Give me hope please!

Posted by on Oct. 28, 2012 at 3:02 PM
  • 10 Replies
Ds just turned 4 this past week. Since about 2 years of age he has whined, and cried. And not just when something doesn't go his way. I mean over everything. "mom I want a drink. Mom I don't want to change. Mom K(my dd) touched me!" note the whine in each phrase. When I tell him to use his big boy words to ask/tell me something, it escalates into a tantrum. So I ignored the tantrum, reminding him once again, to use his words, then mommy will hear him, and continue about my business. The sitting on the floor crying and yelling at anyone coming his general direction can last as long as he's able. I, noticing the ignoring the tantrum wasn't working, started sitting him in a spot of the living room, that is our reading center/ relaxing zone, for a "break" to calm down, breath, and try again when he's calm. I have noticed some improvement with this, but not much. He will be sitting there, tears running, "mom I'm done crying!" as he cries. I have him sit for 4 minutes before I go and have him breath with me, and try calming him down. Not even a minute later, we repeat the entire process. I am about at my wits end with the whining. Scratch that, I am at my end. I've been trying these techniques for 2 years now with little to no change or improvement. Two years I'd hoped would have been enough for him to catch on and at least not whine as much. But very little has changed. Please tell me it's a phase that will end soon or what I'm doing wrong!
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by on Oct. 28, 2012 at 3:02 PM
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Replies (1-10):
erinsmom1964
by on Oct. 28, 2012 at 3:41 PM
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IMO removing him from where everyone is may give you better results.  If you leave him to where he can see everything and everyone and still disrupt the house ...well thats the goal of tantrums so why would he change he still has your full attention.  I think your way over thinking and acting it with him.  This 4 minutes then you give him even MORE attention well I am sure you can see how that is a reward for the undesired behavior.

I tell my DD if thats how your going to behave go to your room and do not come out until you have calmed down.  sometimes she goes othertimes it stops it right in its tracks.  When she does go its just about over before she even makes it in her room and closes the door.  I don't beg or plead with her or give her numerous tries.  Its one warning stop or go to your room then to the room she goes. I sit with, cuddle, talk, hug with her but only AFTER the behavior has stopped not before and surly not during.  I can't think of the last time I have had to say that to her and she is 3.5.  

hollydaze1974
by on Oct. 28, 2012 at 3:55 PM
2 moms liked this
it lasts for awhile....you use big boy words , I say "I do not understand whinese, find a different tone and we can talk" You are doing it right, but some do it until six when kids tease them. It does stop, just consistency in your behavior, will finally get his attention. I've also been known to whine back,too " thiiiisss isssss whaaaat yoouuu ssssouuund liiike aaannnd ittt huuurts myyy eeeaaars" He'll either giggle or cry, giggle is better,obviously.
I had my three yr old try to put me to bed one nite , it was hysterical I did everything he did and he was mimicking me. He went to bed much easier when he saw how obstinate I was being made it clear how I felt. Whining sometimes works the same way. good luck, it really takes awhile....mimicking from time to time might help.
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CLEKate
by Bronze Member on Oct. 28, 2012 at 5:21 PM

When my 4 YO starts his full meltdown, I give him a couple of  warnings to stop.  Then he goes to his room until he calms down completely.  If he comes out of his room still crying, I walk him back in.  He will usually come out a few minutes later acting completely normal--like nothing was wrong.

dannif26
by on Oct. 28, 2012 at 5:27 PM
I agree with removing him from the active area. It's not as much fun to throw a tantrum when no ones watching. And if he repeats the fit, when he comes out if his room, you repeat the consequence. Good luck!
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britt80
by on Oct. 28, 2012 at 5:37 PM
I have mimicked his whining, thinking maybe he just didn't understand what whining was. It always made him mad. But I have done the bed time thing with my dd and she finally saw how silly she was being lol.

Quoting hollydaze1974:

it lasts for awhile....you use big boy words , I say "I do not understand whinese, find a different tone and we can talk" You are doing it right, but some do it until six when kids tease them. It does stop, just consistency in your behavior, will finally get his attention. I've also been known to whine back,too " thiiiisss isssss whaaaat yoouuu ssssouuund liiike aaannnd ittt huuurts myyy eeeaaars" He'll either giggle or cry, giggle is better,obviously.

I had my three yr old try to put me to bed one nite , it was hysterical I did everything he did and he was mimicking me. He went to bed much easier when he saw how obstinate I was being made it clear how I felt. Whining sometimes works the same way. good luck, it really takes awhile....mimicking from time to time might help.
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britt80
by on Oct. 28, 2012 at 5:40 PM
Ok, I will definitely try moving his area, but do I put him in his room, or should I have him go in on his own. Usually when I put him in his spot, I would walk him over holding his hand, should I just have him go in by himself? Also, has anyone tried the sparkle jars or something similar? Is this something I should maybe try to calm him down? He doesn't have kicking and screaming tantrums, just flops like a sack of potatoes to the floor and sits, head back and wailing lol.

Quoting dannif26:

I agree with removing him from the active area. It's not as much fun to throw a tantrum when no ones watching. And if he repeats the fit, when he comes out if his room, you repeat the consequence. Good luck!
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dannif26
by on Oct. 28, 2012 at 5:45 PM
1 mom liked this
I would walk him to his room, explain why, and tell him when he calms down he can come out. I don't know much about the sparkle jar, but before using something to help him calm down, personally, I'd see if he can do it on his own, now that he's being removed from the situation. If it continues to be a problem after trying it for a while, then I might consider something to calm him.
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.Angelica.
by Angie on Oct. 28, 2012 at 8:41 PM

sounds like my 5 year old :/ wish i had advice.

SHORTSHORT
by on Oct. 28, 2012 at 8:57 PM

sounds like my 4yr old..but due to my short attention span..i don't notice it as often as i should..

athompson2189
by on Oct. 29, 2012 at 4:14 PM

YOU JUST DESCRIBED MY DAUGHTER! AND I PRAY ITS A PHASE CAUSE IM GOING NUTS ALSO!! SHE WhINES ABOUT THE MOST POINTLESS THINGS!!!

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