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Toddlers & Preschoolers Toddlers & Preschoolers

out of control 3 year old help please.

Posted by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 6:43 PM
  • 5 Replies

i have a 3 year old who is out of control and i need some advise on how to handle her. I have tried everything from disciplining her to time outs ect. Nothing seems like it is working just don't know what to do anymore.

by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 6:43 PM
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Replies (1-5):
Paradys
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 6:44 PM
I just discovered a great parenting book on Amazon called "1, 2, 3, Magic". Has been extremely helpful with DD and is actually made to help with problem children.
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Ilaynasmommy
by Bronze Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 10:08 PM
What do you mean. My dd is 3.5 the tantrums have calmed down more lately. I try my best to listen to her. I find most tantrums are caused by exhaustion or hunger or frustration. If she gets frustrated with communucation I try to explain I cant understand her when she acts like that. Then I ignore it until she calms down enough to talk. a lot of her frustration is due to independence. If she cant accomplish a task.
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LilyBeansMom
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 10:39 PM
Awesome book. I had the same problem when my older dd was that age and discovered after reading this book that I was really making it worse by doing simple time-outs all wrong.

Hang in there!


Quoting Paradys:

I just discovered a great parenting book on Amazon called "1, 2, 3, Magic". Has been extremely helpful with DD and is actually made to help with problem children.
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mrsjksimmons
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 10:40 PM

I ignore it and put him in his room. If he comes out, I put him back. Even f he is screaming bloody murder, I just ignore it. Most of the time it's because he's tired.

Need more information though.

clairewait
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 11:02 PM

Have to agree with PP.

This is a pretty vague post.

But there are tons of online resources in addition to books that might help with what you are looking for.

Be firm and be consistent. And do not give in to believing the following lies:

"This too shall pass."

"This is just a phase."

"Allow him to feel like he's in control by offering him choices."

Sorry. I don't buy it. Be the mom. Establish both physical and emotional boundaries for him, exert yourself as the mom (by teaching him the difference between the two of you), and consistently keep him within the defined boundaries.

If he is completely unresponsive to punishment, you haven't figured out what he cares about most.

If it seems like a game to him, your tone of voice and body language are too timid.

Three and a half is old enough to know better, but he needs to be taught.

I will say, three and a half is also old enough to start teaching him how to express himself using words. Boys are far less verbal than girls, I understand this, but it is never too young to teach him to talk about how he feels. You can't do it in the throws of a tantrum, but you can start practicing "I feel" statements with him when he is chilled out.

Start with, "How do you feel right now?" And after he says something say, "Okay. What else?" (Or repeat what he said first, so he knows you are listening."

Then try, "How do you feel when [insert something that usually sets him off]. Get him to verbalize his frustration BEFORE he is frustrated. Teach him the words to describe feelings: "hurt," "angry," "frustrated," whatever.

I'm not saying the above will eliminate the problems if you don't also exert your power as mom and follow through with consistent consequences. But you have to build them up and provide tools after you've torn them down, you know?

(My neighbor swears by the Focus on the Family website for all things discipline related. Confession: I've never looked at it, even once. But she says it is very well organized and has a solution for everything.)

Claire Wait

My blog: TheUnderToad.com

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