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I probably shouldn't be so upset...

Posted by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 11:32 PM
  • 44 Replies

Ds is turning 3 December 15th and we are throwing a big party for 2 reasons: 1-this is the first time ever his birthday is not during finals week (dh and I are both full time students) and 2-we will be moving a few hours away in May for my new job so this will be the last time we will be close to family for his birthday

We are throwing the party at my parents' house because they have a big house and our townhome is way too small to host anything and mil's house is even smaller (plus has 3 cats which I am allergic to). I told sil1 this a couple weeks ago and she told sil2, who got extremely offended that we weren't throwing it at mil's house and accused me of wanting it to be with my family only. 

Now, earlier today sil1 texted me and asked when the party was (I found it odd that she forgot seen as how she was in the center of the drama just 2 weeks ago). I told her and she said "oh, well that's the same day as a cookie bake I got invited to in St Louis (3.5 hours away)" and I said well it's up to you. She said she'd have to talk to her dh but she thinks she should go to the cookie bake. 

Then I created the event, inviting all of their family from St. Louis (who came down for my nephew's baptism and birthday but have never been down to see ds) to go to the party. The first response? Sorry wish I could come but that's the same day as the cookie bake (which I am, coincidentally, not invited to even though everyone else in the family is). I really want to just tell everyone I am sorry my son was born on such an inconvenient day and too bad I can't move his birthday.

I know I shouldn't be as hurt as I am but I can't help it. I have never done anything to make the family not like me but I feel like somehow I always offend them and they all hate me. I know I shouldn't be so upset but I can't seem to wrap my head around why this fucking cookie bake is so important yet they move heaven and earth to see my nephew, taking weeks off work and even driving down just to go trick or treating with him on Halloween. I need to stop now before I start crying again.

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by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 11:32 PM
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Replies (1-10):
calvinsmommy18
by Bronze Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 11:36 PM
4 moms liked this
I say F em. You have your party on the day you planned and whoever comes comes. At least you know your family will be there for your son. My policy is I don't rearrange my schedule for anyone if possible.
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ragitty
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 11:40 PM

I have already learned to adopt that policy as well but it still hurts. Not because of me because I have a big enough family that I don't need them, but because of ds. I feel like he always gets the short end of the stick. It boggles my mind that a cookie bake is so important that it can't be moved up or back a week, especially with a month still between now and them

Quoting calvinsmommy18:

I say F em. You have your party on the day you planned and whoever comes comes. At least you know your family will be there for your son. My policy is I don't rearrange my schedule for anyone if possible.


calvinsmommy18
by Bronze Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 11:43 PM
Idk. We don't really have the same situation since my kids are the only grandkids on both sides. However I already feel like I'm not the "favorite" daughter in law anymore since BIL got married. Even though I'm the one that provided grandkids for MIL and SIL and BIL don't really want kids.

Quoting ragitty:

I have already learned to adopt that policy as well but it still hurts. Not because of me because I have a big enough family that I don't need them, but because of ds. I feel like he always gets the short end of the stick. It boggles my mind that a cookie bake is so important that it can't be moved up or back a week, especially with a month still between now and them


Quoting calvinsmommy18:

I say F em. You have your party on the day you planned and whoever comes comes. At least you know your family will be there for your son. My policy is I don't rearrange my schedule for anyone if possible.


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signingmama2915
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 11:46 PM
I would be upset just like you. We've had people not show up and seen to make an effort for our nephew but not our son too. It hurts even if you try to tell yourself to forget them.

I'm sorry.
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ZakkarysMom
by Bronze Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 11:47 PM
Theyre missing his party for a cookie bake?? Are these "special" cookies or something? O.o Sorry they are acting like that. Like another mom said.. Fk them.


Quoting ragitty:

I have already learned to adopt that policy as well but it still hurts. Not because of me because I have a big enough family that I don't need them, but because of ds. I feel like he always gets the short end of the stick. It boggles my mind that a cookie bake is so important that it can't be moved up or back a week, especially with a month still between now and them


Quoting calvinsmommy18:

I say F em. You have your party on the day you planned and whoever comes comes. At least you know your family will be there for your son. My policy is I don't rearrange my schedule for anyone if possible.



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snowangel1979
by Bronze Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 12:06 AM
Unfortunately you can't make people care.

Keep the party at the same location and time.
Most likely even if it was a different day and place they would still find a reason to complain. Some people are just like that.

It almost sounds like she's trying to start drama by just calling and asking the time again, just to rub it in your face that a bake is more important then your DS. If you wanted it to be only your family, then why would you invite them. It sounds like she just wanted to start drama.

Don't let them ruin your sons day, It's their loss.
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ragitty
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 12:20 AM

That's what upsets me the most. I understand the St Louis family not wanting to make the drive. I've always understood it, but just never understood why that drive becomes so much more managable when my nephew is involved. I didn't even send an official invite to all my Wichita family (we are from kansas city) but I have 30 first cousins on both sides of the family so no one gets offended easily because we have so many relatives it's impossible to make it to everything (I will make sure they know they are more than welcome to attend, though). Dh's family gets so offended over every little thing that I had to invite them. Them not coming doesn't matter but their excuse being a cookie bake is what gets me (that and sil leaving town to bake cookies instead of going to her "favorite nephew's" birthday--she calls him that even though she has 2 other nephews and 1 other niece and it bothers me to no end)

Quoting ZakkarysMom:

Theyre missing his party for a cookie bake?? Are these "special" cookies or something? O.o Sorry they are acting like that. Like another mom said.. Fk them.


Quoting ragitty:

I have already learned to adopt that policy as well but it still hurts. Not because of me because I have a big enough family that I don't need them, but because of ds. I feel like he always gets the short end of the stick. It boggles my mind that a cookie bake is so important that it can't be moved up or back a week, especially with a month still between now and them


Quoting calvinsmommy18:

I say F em. You have your party on the day you planned and whoever comes comes. At least you know your family will be there for your son. My policy is I don't rearrange my schedule for anyone if possible.




ragitty
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 12:24 AM

I won't change anything because of them anymore. I've learned that lesson the hard way. What it seemed like more to me was that she was almost suggeating I move the party to a more convenient date for her. She is very self centered in that way, going so far as to declare Christmas a non-travelling holiday for her and her family (even though they only have one kid and both sides of their families live in the same city) so we should all have to come to their tiny loft apartment so she can host it---yeah, not happening because we have to drive 45 minutes to get into town then another 30 minutes to get to her place when all she would have to do is drive 20 minutes to get to her mom's

Quoting snowangel1979:

Unfortunately you can't make people care.

Keep the party at the same location and time.
Most likely even if it was a different day and place they would still find a reason to complain. Some people are just like that.

It almost sounds like she's trying to start drama by just calling and asking the time again, just to rub it in your face that a bake is more important then your DS. If you wanted it to be only your family, then why would you invite them. It sounds like she just wanted to start drama.

Don't let them ruin your sons day, It's their loss.


ragitty
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 12:26 AM

I am glad what I am feeling is not unreasonable and others feel the same way. It is hard to talk to dh about it because he genuinely does not care which makes me feel like I am over reacting or that I care too much

Quoting signingmama2915:

I would be upset just like you. We've had people not show up and seen to make an effort for our nephew but not our son too. It hurts even if you try to tell yourself to forget them.

I'm sorry.


ZakkarysMom
by Bronze Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 12:29 AM
Dont give someone the power to control your emotions.


Quoting ragitty:

That's what upsets me the most. I understand the St Louis family not wanting to make the drive. I've always understood it, but just never understood why that drive becomes so much more managable when my nephew is involved. I didn't even send an official invite to all my Wichita family (we are from kansas city) but I have 30 first cousins on both sides of the family so no one gets offended easily because we have so many relatives it's impossible to make it to everything (I will make sure they know they are more than welcome to attend, though). Dh's family gets so offended over every little thing that I had to invite them. Them not coming doesn't matter but their excuse being a cookie bake is what gets me (that and sil leaving town to bake cookies instead of going to her "favorite nephew's" birthday--she calls him that even though she has 2 other nephews and 1 other niece and it bothers me to no end)


Quoting ZakkarysMom:

Theyre missing his party for a cookie bake?? Are these "special" cookies or something? O.o Sorry they are acting like that. Like another mom said.. Fk them.





Quoting ragitty:

I have already learned to adopt that policy as well but it still hurts. Not because of me because I have a big enough family that I don't need them, but because of ds. I feel like he always gets the short end of the stick. It boggles my mind that a cookie bake is so important that it can't be moved up or back a week, especially with a month still between now and them



Quoting calvinsmommy18:

I say F em. You have your party on the day you planned and whoever comes comes. At least you know your family will be there for your son. My policy is I don't rearrange my schedule for anyone if possible.






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