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Toddlers & Preschoolers Toddlers & Preschoolers

Guilt Trips and Attitudes

Posted by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:38 AM
  • 15 Replies
I think I just need to vent, but feel free to share any advise.

Ok, so this evening I sat for almost 2hrs in dd6 floor doing crafts with her. We do something almost everyday. so at 6 I said we gotta cook dinner. She came and heled with dinner. Now it is 7 and bathtime. Put both kids in the bath, too tired to do seperate baths tonight. I was standing at the door taking to Dh and ds started crying. I turn to see her pouring soapy water on his head. I wipe his face and said please don't do that, he doesn't like it. 2 mins later she throws water in his face. I just pull the plug and said it is time to get out. Oh the fit begins. She starts screaming at me ......I can't do anything right. You never play with me. Omg!!!! Really? Well it is now time for jammies and bed. Use your story time to think about what you are saying to me. I spend the next 25mins calming her down because I said no storytime. I finally decide to read a short story, but I pick the book. So I got ds and went to get a drink. Next thing o hear is a slap and a scream. She slapped the crap out of him for trying to get a book. So I sent him back to bed. And spent another 30 min. trying to figure put where this nasty attitude is coming from. Seriously, she is 6 and he is 4 (Wednesday). I have spent all night feeling like a failure. Why does my dd think she does everything wrong? Why does she think I do nothing fun with her? Uuuugghhh......is this just the drama of girls? Do I have a bigger issue on my hands? How do o read a 6yo? Oh I am so confused. That owners manual should would come I'm handy today. Lol
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by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:38 AM
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Replies (1-10):
KeimUNCmomof3
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:40 AM

Ah kids.  Fun, isn't it?  Eh :/    Girls are drama from the beginning.

Gweneveer
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 8:23 AM
1 mom liked this

First of all, dont beat yourself up.  It sounds like you are doing the right thing, she is just trying to make you feel like crap, and its working.  

Kids are smart and they are crafty.  She is tapping into the one place that she knows will hurt you.  Dont let her know that.  Dont put up with her crap either.  

I would set the standard before the bath.  If you dont do what you are supposed to do, you dont get a story.  If you fight with your brother in the tub, you are going directly to bed.  You have to be proactive about this stuff.  Lay it on the line before it happens.  

I also suggest 123 Magic.  It will work for both of your kids.  Its a great program, and it cuts out all the crying and getting angry.  

Girls are NOT necessarily drama from the beginning.  I have two of them.  You just have to learn how to deal with it better.  (hugs)

STVUstudent
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 9:31 AM
1 mom liked this

She is manipulating.  Don't feel bad- kids do this.  It is up to you to set boundaries, that's all.

corrinacs
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 10:55 AM

Hey mama,

We all get frustration and irritated sometimes.  Perhaps she's about to come down with a cold or something else is going on at school.....who knows.  IF its a one off thing, I woudln't worry....chances are things will blow over in a few days.

But if it has been going on for a while, talk to her.  Perhaps something is going on somewhere and she's not sure how to talk about it.  Could be totally "dumb" like her friend was playing with someone else or somethign.....kids :).  But at least talk to her about it.

Good luck :)

erinsmom1964
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:23 PM
Sorry but shes behaving like that because it gets her what she wants...your undivided attention

You told her no story time and then spent 25 minutes calming her down only then to change your mind and offer the story after all?

She attacks her brother your solution is to send HIM to bed and spend 30 minutes trying to figure out
where her attitude is coming from?

Then your concern is why does she feel something?

Yeah you have more serious issues. Your DD is being raised to be a raging brat. She knows what to say so that instead of you punishing her for unacceptable behavior you give her even more attention. You need to learn so you can teach her that feelings and behavior are separate issues. That acting out or assaulting others because you FEEL something is never ok and swift punishment follows not extra time alone cow towing to her brattiness. You also need to learn to set reasonable punishments and follow through. Also you have to stop punishing your son for your DD horrible behavior. Sending him to bed without his story because his sister spent the last hour acting out and on top of it hit him? She is the one who should of gone to bed sans story. I am not going to lie. This situation is so far gone its going to be pure hell to fix but if you dont your going too have much much more serious problems with her. Not to mention the huge disservice you are giving her by teaching her that all she has to do is act up and claim some BS about her feelings and the her behavior is justified. That is setting her up for a life of others not wanting to deal with her

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erinsmom1964
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:25 PM
I was starting to think reading other replies that maybe I was reading a different post then everyone else.

Quoting STVUstudent:

She is manipulating.  Don't feel bad- kids do this.  It is up to you to set boundaries, that's all.

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Gweneveer
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:38 PM

Nope, you were reading the same post.  You just went about your reply in an extremely harsh way....yikes!

Quoting erinsmom1964:

I was starting to think reading other replies that maybe I was reading a different post then everyone else.

Quoting STVUstudent:

She is manipulating.  Don't feel bad- kids do this.  It is up to you to set boundaries, that's all.


erinsmom1964
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:44 PM
Hmm I think its very well thought out and thorough. I guess compared to replies like kids will be kids and girls are drama it could be seen that way.

Quoting Gweneveer:

Nope, you were reading the same post.  You just went about your reply in an extremely harsh way....yikes!

Quoting erinsmom1964:

I was starting to think reading other replies that maybe I was reading a different post then everyone else.



Quoting STVUstudent:

She is manipulating.  Don't feel bad- kids do this.  It is up to you to set boundaries, that's all.


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Gweneveer
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:47 PM

I didnt reply in either manner, and I still thought it was harsh. 

It was well thought out and thorough, Ill give you that, lol 

Quoting erinsmom1964:

Hmm I think its very well thought out and thorough. I guess compared to replies like kids will be kids and girls are drama it could be seen that way.

Quoting Gweneveer:

Nope, you were reading the same post.  You just went about your reply in an extremely harsh way....yikes!

Quoting erinsmom1964:

I was starting to think reading other replies that maybe I was reading a different post then everyone else.



Quoting STVUstudent:

She is manipulating.  Don't feel bad- kids do this.  It is up to you to set boundaries, that's all.



.Angelica.
by Angie on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:04 PM

it's not just a girl thing, It's an age thing. My 5 year old ds throws some awful fits over nothing.

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