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Toddlers & Preschoolers Toddlers & Preschoolers

In-Laws picking on my toddler

Posted by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 11:15 AM
  • 19 Replies

 Unbelievable that this is even an issue but my DH's family enjoys picking on my toddler. I knew this would happen, I've watched them pick on my SIL's kids for years. So, I'm prepared to do what I must to protect my DS from these adult bullies. The main problem is my DH's mid-30 year old brother who has never moved out of his parents basement and enjoys some sort of protected status that I've never understood.

Examples of some things he does:

"This is my candy and you can't have any. Mine." while showing a bag of candy to my child and holding it against him.

"These are apples and you can't have any cuz they are all mine." While pointing at a bowl of broccoli. This one pissed me off to the extreme and I've been brooding about it for a week. My DS freaking LOVES apples which this man very well knows.

At the time of the apple incident I told him to stop picking on my DS. When we got home from dinner that night I told my DH if he didn't say something to his family I would and it would get ugly. So, he talked to his father who has NO idea what we are talking about of course.

My DS is 22 months. We go over for family dinner every single Sunday. I'm debating on just avoiding family dinner until after the holidays and then ripping this guys head off or just getting it over with so I don't have to brood over it for a month. I've no problem with confrontation and I WILL get in his face about this issue.

My problem is a desire to not cause strife among the people my DH loves. Obviously I'm going to have to protect my child, and I will, but how do I do it without screaming at this idiot?

What would you do?

by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 11:15 AM
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Replies (1-10):
corrinacs
by Platinum Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 11:26 AM

Wow mama.  IF it were just those few cases, then by all means I'd give them the benefit.....but it sounds like its an ongoing thing :/.  I'd just not come over anymore.  If you and your toddler aren't enjoying the stay, then don't go.  When they ask why you aren't coming over, just say so.  Tell DH that's why you aren' t coming with them and he can deal with it or talk to them.......he will be between a rock and a hard place.

But how childish of them......really?!  They are adults.  I can understand if the whole family picks on each other in a joking way, but that's not even pickign on......that's just plain stupid and childish :/.

My DH will go to his brothers and they call each other mean tnames......but they all "enjoy" it....its just "brotherhood" in thier eyes.  But they woudln't come up to Caden and call him those bad names.....or worse....get Candy and marshmallows and say "these are mine you can't have them"./.......hell, Caden, who is 5, wouldn't act like that anyway......that should put them in thier "maturity" place.

furbabymum
by Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 11:33 AM

 We certainly will stop going over if they can't control themselves. I just thought I'd give them the opportunity to stop and then they will have no one to blame for missing their grandson but themselves. I'm also pregnant with our 2nd so I just want to give them an opportunity to knock it off for my DH's sake.

Quoting corrinacs:

Wow mama.  IF it were just those few cases, then by all means I'd give them the benefit.....but it sounds like its an ongoing thing :/.  I'd just not come over anymore.  If you and your toddler aren't enjoying the stay, then don't go.  When they ask why you aren't coming over, just say so.  Tell DH that's why you aren' t coming with them and he can deal with it or talk to them.......he will be between a rock and a hard place.

But how childish of them......really?!  They are adults.  I can understand if the whole family picks on each other in a joking way, but that's not even pickign on......that's just plain stupid and childish :/.

My DH will go to his brothers and they call each other mean tnames......but they all "enjoy" it....its just "brotherhood" in thier eyes.  But they woudln't come up to Caden and call him those bad names.....or worse....get Candy and marshmallows and say "these are mine you can't have them"./.......hell, Caden, who is 5, wouldn't act like that anyway......that should put them in thier "maturity" place.

 

Luvmy2babies22
by Platinum Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 11:36 AM

Why did your hubby talk to his father if the brother was the one causing the problems?  He may start by addressing the problem with the person who is causing the problem.

My FIL made a comment about my son eating a lot when he was a fat baby and I almost lost it.  He had an 8oz bottle and I swear my FIL was 1 step away from making an oink sound.  I told my hubby that if that stuff continued as my son got older I wouldn't visit anymore.  I'm with you, I cannot tolerate bullying by anyone, let alone people who are supposed to love you.

Have your hubby speak with your brother.  If it continues, remove yourself and your son from the situation.  I get not wanting to cause drama but these aren't your choices, these are the choices of others.  You get to choose what type of people share your life and if they don't want to be positive constructive forces then you have to set some boundaries for yourself and your child.  You can't change people but you can keep people from "abusing" you.

Good luck.  In-laws can be tricky...

prieta05
by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 11:36 AM
I will tell his brother to grow the fuk up and stop being a baby depending on his parents.. a 30 yrs old man living in mommy's house like a bitch lol... seriously i would.
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MamaBear2cubs
by Bronze Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 11:37 AM

That's awful and it would be the last time I took my child over to that house.

mamalusbear
by Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 11:46 AM

It sounds like they may think it's harmless and amusing....have you tried talking to them?

furbabymum
by Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 12:29 PM

 Quite frankly the brother is rather intimidating. The only way we'll ever succeed is if the FIL backs us up on it. It won't stop me from blowing my BIL's head off if needed but I'd really rather not deal with what is bound to be an explosive situation if we can head it off at the pass.

Besides, with the BIL still living in his parents basement and dinners being at the parents house they will suffer if they don't get the BIL under control as they won't get to see their grandchildren. So, they really need to take a stand with us.

Quoting Luvmy2babies22:

Why did your hubby talk to his father if the brother was the one causing the problems?  He may start by addressing the problem with the person who is causing the problem.

My FIL made a comment about my son eating a lot when he was a fat baby and I almost lost it.  He had an 8oz bottle and I swear my FIL was 1 step away from making an oink sound.  I told my hubby that if that stuff continued as my son got older I wouldn't visit anymore.  I'm with you, I cannot tolerate bullying by anyone, let alone people who are supposed to love you.

Have your hubby speak with your brother.  If it continues, remove yourself and your son from the situation.  I get not wanting to cause drama but these aren't your choices, these are the choices of others.  You get to choose what type of people share your life and if they don't want to be positive constructive forces then you have to set some boundaries for yourself and your child.  You can't change people but you can keep people from "abusing" you.

Good luck.  In-laws can be tricky...

 

Marimaru
by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 11:59 AM

Maybe skip one week and let your husband go without you and talk to his family... if you believe he'll really stand up for you and not just tell them you're being sensitive or some crap.

Gweneveer
by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 12:57 PM

Personally, I would cut contact.  I am the type of person that couldnt say something without coming off as a total bitch, so I would try to just walk away.  I know its your DH's family, but you need to look out for your kids.  They should NOT be picking on children....they need to grow the eff up!  I would be enraged.....

GremlinMom
by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 1:12 PM
Why hasn't anyone said it immediately? My in laws have a cruel humor, they point out the worst in people and pick at it till its nothing, but its ok because they say just kidding. I told my husband I wasn't going to put up with it. I was bullied and lonely, my husband was bullied and lonely. Our kids will not feel the same way. My kids will not feel inferior, awkward, or incompetent for the sake of a joke. My husband has told his mom that i want my kids to keep their innocence, teasing them is not a positive teaching method. I straight out tell them "that was rude" when I catch it. My twins are 20 months. My BIL is 16 and can be a jackass, I tell my DH to step in when he's being one to the kids. If they can't keep their home a G rated environment, I don't go over. Before thanksgiving...it had been a month since ive seen them. But I'm not a crazy biotch about it either.
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