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Am I a bad person for doing this?

Posted by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 4:19 PM
  • 19 Replies
I told my friend that I can't visit her when her 2 year old son is with her bcause he hurts my 1 year old every chance he gets.
Also, every time we visit her... My son starts mimicking the bad behavior like, hitting.. Scratching, biting, pushing, and throwing things. I know that all toddlers do this at some point but my son never acted this way until he saw someone else do it.
I put him in time out and he's slowly stopping.
I just don't want to go back to my friends house, have play date, come home, and then my son starts up the behavior again.

My friend is really upset at me. She says that her son isn't the cause of it.. It's the way all toddlers act. I get that, but my son has never acted that way before. He's a good kid and of course mimics everything he sees..
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by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 4:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
notjstanothrmom
by Bronze Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 4:21 PM
I would have just said you can't do part dates, I wouldn't have blamed her kid, but no it doesn't make you a bad person to pick and choose your sons friends at that age.
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MagickalMommy
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 4:25 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't think you are a bad person, but I'm betting you burned that friendship. People are very sensitive about their children. Whether or not her ds is a normal toddler or badly behaved is beside the point when in essence you criticised her parenting and her baby.

Sometimes less honesty is better.

KimberlyDoll
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 4:28 PM

I don't think it's bad what you said, but it is very possible that you lost a friendship.

momx2stepmomx1
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 4:35 PM
1 mom liked this

when you have kids you have to interview their kids in a sense.  I think it's perfectly normal to want to stay away from some kids because you don't want your child participating in similar behavior.  You could probably just turn it around and make it about you instead of their kid....like "my child just really looks up to your son/ and is a little too influenced by him right now. I'm not ready to deal with toddler-like behavior" or that you want him to be with other kids who are closer in age to him.  That way when your son is acting out as 2 yr olds do you haven't lost a friend and the behavior is totally normal to you!  But if you just don't like the kid, you prolly haven't lost much.  :)

dearg76
by Heather on Nov. 29, 2012 at 5:45 PM


Quoting MagickalMommy:

I don't think you are a bad person, but I'm betting you burned that friendship. People are very sensitive about their children. Whether or not her ds is a normal toddler or badly behaved is beside the point when in essence you criticised her parenting and her baby.

Sometimes less honesty is better.

I agree with this - I totally get not wanting to have your son around hers but you probably did lose a friend. I agree we are all sensitive about our kids

Wendsdy
by Silver Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 6:32 PM
2 moms liked this

I'm always surprised when parents react the way your friend did. For one thing, if I was your friend and saw my kid doing that, I wouldn't allow it. 2.  I would appreciate the fact that you are saying something if for some reason I didn't recognize that it was happening and I would apologize. Your loyalty is to your son and your friend should get that.  Don't feel bad.  You did what was best for your son.

CLEKate
by Bronze Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 6:38 PM

I'm of the mindset that you can't shield your kid from this behavior forever.  He is going to be exposed at some point.  The sooner he is, the more time you have to teach him that it is not acceptable.

Most boys go through a spurt where they are bullies.  The bite, hit, kick and are downright mean.  When the parents crack down, the behavior goes away. 

Think of it this way: How would you feel if you were on the other end?  Beacuse chances are really good that you will be.  Will you be pissed that your friend is walking away because of normal toddler behavior?

Luvmy2babies22
by Platinum Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 7:24 PM
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I don't think you are a bad person.  If her son hurts your child then you need to protect your child.  I also understand where you are coming from with the bad behavior he's learning but you also have to realize that's life.  You can't put your son in a bubble.  The older he gets the more socialized he needs to become and the more he needs to learn what the rules are for HIM regardless of what other kids do.  I am going thru that a lot with my Kindergartner right now so I get it.  I would give anything to still be able to choose his friends and have some control over these things but that's not reality.  He's off in a piece of the world on his own and making his own choices.  It's my job, when he's with me to reinforce positive behavior and explain why other things are unacceptable even if all his other friends are doing it.  I know your son is only 1, I was just making a point for the future.

iluvsn85
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 7:27 PM
I would have done the same. I have a 2 and 3 year olds, they never did any of those things. My 2 year old is more of a jumper lol.
corrinacs
by Platinum Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 10:28 PM

I don't think so mama.  

Did you give her any hints prior that these things were going on and they were interfering with your son and making him feel bad?  If so, then she had enough warning.  But if not, I think coming to this conclusion so suddenly may have caused a riff.

Just talk to her the best you can.  If she doesn't understand that this is just not how normal toddlers act, then perhaps its a good idea for you two to part ways (as far as playdates are concenred).  You are still welcome to hang out with her of course LOL.  But i know what you mean...

My nephew is like that.....he's younger than Leo (who is 1) and he just isn't as socialized as Leo.  He hits Leo, snatches toys away from him, etc.  Its quite annoying to be honest :/.  But he's over so rarely.  Luckily, Leo hasn't caught onto any of his behaviors :/.  I almost feel bad for my sister...they know its a problem and at leat they are trying to fix it (I hope).

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