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Do you and SO agree when it comes to discipline?

Posted by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 4:39 AM
  • 11 Replies

I get so aggravated with dh. He never tells dd "no", in fact it's more the opposite. He tends to ag on bad behavior thinking he's just playing with her. They "fight" each other, and the minute she starts throwing a fit about something, he gives in.

With his job, he's off 4 days then works 4 days, so he's home quite a bit. Just about the time I've got her straightened out he comes home and effs it all up. It's so aggravating. I've talked to him, and he just says he doesn't have the heart to get on to her, she's his little girl. I love that he loves her so much, and that he is such a wonderful daddy. But with a new baby on the way, I want him backing me up. Teaching her right from wrong, because I know he will be getting on to her more once a new baby is here. That will just make things that much harder on her, and may even leave her resenting the baby. 

I'm torn. And it confuses dd also. One parent tells her no, when she dumping milk on the floor and the other just laughs. Ugh! Someone help me, please!!!

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by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 4:39 AM
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by Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 8:10 AM
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We agree on discipline. My dh isn't home a lot with ds so he is a bit more easy going about things....but for the most part we try to have each others back and talk about it later if we have a problem. Sometimes when I give a time out it annoys me when my dh asks why I gave ds one....BECAUSE I SAID SO! Lol
by Bronze Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 10:43 AM

Before we had children. We both decided we would discipline together. Yes we are not together when he works. But we agree on how we will do it. 

by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 10:46 AM

Explain to him how important it is for her to have discipline and that when she gets older it will only get worse! Imagine her a teenager who thinks shecan do whatever she wants and has no respect for either of you because she knows you are both weak in the discipline area.

by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 11:08 AM
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Hey mama,

You guys need to sit down together.....not after something happeend when you are both mad at each other.  But outside of the situation, you need to speak with one another about this.

Tell him that if he does love her, then he's going to do what he can to PARENT her well.  He will love her enough to ensure that when she goes out until the real world, she will be prepared.  Its crazy to note that we only spend 20 years (tops) guiding our children......then up to 80+ years beyond that, they are on thier own!!!!!!!  So, you need to make these 20 years count in making her prepared for spending the rest of those years successfully on her own.

Big picture aside, I think you both need to come toa  consensus.  Firstly, he needs to not give in.  Say you are in a store and she wants Oreos....but they are out of Oreos......she's going to throw the fit regardless.......believe me, he does NOT want to be in that situation :/.  Besides, doesn't he want to teach her to appreciate things instsead of expecting things when she whines?

We are going through something similar in my house and my DH finally realized that spoiling Caden and giving in wasn't the answer. Caden is 5 and had a really bad whining problem.  Coming from a 5 year old is REALLY EFFING, he may want to nip it in the bud now.  We were able to rid Caden of that aweful tone of voice, but not without a TON of work :( :(.

Good luck and I hope you guys can get ti all straightened out :).

by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 12:15 PM

 DH started doing that with DS1 and he got disciplined as well lol...that may sound strange but when I sat him down and spoke with him about it he got it... not he disciplines the way that I do, he may not want to, but he does.

by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 1:09 PM

For the most part, we agree.  There are times when we have to pull each other away privately and discuss things but most of the time we are on the same page.

by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 1:34 PM
We mostly agree on discipline. What angers me is when I'm trying to discipline ds and dh steps in and I think that confuses the kid more than anything. If I'm getting the job done I don't need dhs help. If I'm having issues ill ask dh to come in and take over. Hope that made sense.
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by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 3:12 PM

I would be really upset.

by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 3:18 PM
No. I get to be the bad guy... when dh tries to discipline, he gets frustrated they don't just stop (crying, whining, whatever it is). He has no patience and ends up yelling and getting beyond ticked off. Drives me crazy. So I discipline most of the time.
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by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 3:50 PM

I know how you feel. My Husband lets my kids get away with a different way. Its not that he doesn't have the heart to say no.  He says no and when they continue the behavior, he gives in because he doesn't want "to hear then whine" I have tried explaining that they will only get worse when they know they win when they throw a fit. I've just told him to stay out of the discipline area if he is going to do that. its hard but in the long run it will be easier without the mixed messages. 

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