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Toddlers & Preschoolers Toddlers & Preschoolers

Spare the rod, spoil the child.

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How do you feel about spanking your child, should parents do it. What do you consider going over board? And what would be a reason to actually spank the child?

I for one think sometimes a spanking is in order, but only a swat on the butt at most. I mostly just do time outs but some people think I should spank more often.  


this is Kiley and my unborn son Alexander. 

by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 5:07 PM
Replies (71-76):
2boys9yrsapart
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 3:16 PM
Honestly I don't even care anymore, I stopped caring days ago.



Quoting Luvmy2babies22:

If by frequency you mean time frame I have to wonder if you understand your own original argument. YOU set the time frame for roughly the last 15-25 years-ish. You were the one who went off on the Cain and Abel tangent, I stayed right where you started.



I quote: "Why is it that, now that the government has stepped in to tell us how we can and can't raise or children, this degree of violence is just now an issue?"



This has only been in the last couple decades. Coincidentally the amount of fatherless homes has also skyrocketed at exactly the same time that this degree of violence has become an issue.   My point is, and has always been, that the increase in violence has very little to do with spank or don't spank it has to do with parenting, period.  Many many kids who end up in jail aren't there from lack of spanking, they are there from lack of guidance and you can absolutely 100% get that without spanking if you have someone around willing to put in the time...



Quoting 2boys9yrsapart:

Nope. but you didn't specify the frequency you only stated that it is the primary issue, correct?




Quoting Luvmy2babies22:

The amount of absent fathers has skyrocketed in the last couple decades. You honestly cannot be disputing that.






Quoting 2boys9yrsapart:

There have been fatherless children since the beginning of time. Why is it that, now that the government has stepped in to tell us how we can and can't raise or children, this degree of violence is just now an issue? By your logic it should always have been this way. I'm sure we could both find studies to support either way. Cain and Abel had a father but one brother still killed the other.








Quoting 2boys9yrsapart:

Yup. but that isn't what this thread is about is it? I don't understand why people don't agree to disagree. I posted my opinion you challenged it. I never said it was set in stone all I know is when I was in school we may have gotten into fist fights but guns being brought to school wasn't nearly as frequent as it is now. I'm fairly certain that not every child I went to school with had active same sex role models. I never eluded that you parented any less thoroughly than I do. But non spankers make out like spankers are barbarians. Regardless of what you say/think I will discipline my children the way I see fit, Bottom line.










Quoting 2boys9yrsapart:

I spank when needed, I try to give chance after chance after chance first. I believe to each their own. But in all reality I probably need to be more harsh with my boys because the world will be. OAN has anyone else noticed that since people stopped disciplining their kids that mass shootings and violence of that sort has sky rocketed? The fear of a parents wrath used to be enough to keep kids in line but that no longer exists.






 







 









 







 









Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Luvmy2babies22
by Platinum Member on Dec. 12, 2012 at 4:13 PM

I couldn't have said it better BUT you were the one who quoted me this morning so you must have cared this morning...Let's call it a day.  Thanks!

Quoting 2boys9yrsapart:

Honestly I don't even care anymore, I stopped caring days ago.



Quoting Luvmy2babies22:

If by frequency you mean time frame I have to wonder if you understand your own original argument. YOU set the time frame for roughly the last 15-25 years-ish. You were the one who went off on the Cain and Abel tangent, I stayed right where you started.



I quote: "Why is it that, now that the government has stepped in to tell us how we can and can't raise or children, this degree of violence is just now an issue?"



This has only been in the last couple decades. Coincidentally the amount of fatherless homes has also skyrocketed at exactly the same time that this degree of violence has become an issue.   My point is, and has always been, that the increase in violence has very little to do with spank or don't spank it has to do with parenting, period.  Many many kids who end up in jail aren't there from lack of spanking, they are there from lack of guidance and you can absolutely 100% get that without spanking if you have someone around willing to put in the time...



Quoting 2boys9yrsapart:

Nope. but you didn't specify the frequency you only stated that it is the primary issue, correct?




Quoting Luvmy2babies22:

The amount of absent fathers has skyrocketed in the last couple decades. You honestly cannot be disputing that.






Quoting 2boys9yrsapart:

There have been fatherless children since the beginning of time. Why is it that, now that the government has stepped in to tell us how we can and can't raise or children, this degree of violence is just now an issue? By your logic it should always have been this way. I'm sure we could both find studies to support either way. Cain and Abel had a father but one brother still killed the other.








Quoting 2boys9yrsapart:

Yup. but that isn't what this thread is about is it? I don't understand why people don't agree to disagree. I posted my opinion you challenged it. I never said it was set in stone all I know is when I was in school we may have gotten into fist fights but guns being brought to school wasn't nearly as frequent as it is now. I'm fairly certain that not every child I went to school with had active same sex role models. I never eluded that you parented any less thoroughly than I do. But non spankers make out like spankers are barbarians. Regardless of what you say/think I will discipline my children the way I see fit, Bottom line.










Quoting 2boys9yrsapart:

I spank when needed, I try to give chance after chance after chance first. I believe to each their own. But in all reality I probably need to be more harsh with my boys because the world will be. OAN has anyone else noticed that since people stopped disciplining their kids that mass shootings and violence of that sort has sky rocketed? The fear of a parents wrath used to be enough to keep kids in line but that no longer exists.






 







 









 







 






 



 

ekh2010
by Member on Dec. 12, 2012 at 4:19 PM



Quoting HetherElizabeth:

I'm the same as you I mostly do timeouts but you best believe if ds needs a spanking he will get one. Usually timeouts work though.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
2boys9yrsapart
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 10:46 AM
Nah. You've been quoting me for days, I just like having the last word. Welcome!



Quoting Luvmy2babies22:

I couldn't have said it better BUT you were the one who quoted me this morning so you must have cared this morning...Let's call it a day.  Thanks!



Quoting 2boys9yrsapart:

Honestly I don't even care anymore, I stopped caring days ago.





Quoting Luvmy2babies22:



If by frequency you mean time frame I have to wonder if you understand your own original argument. YOU set the time frame for roughly the last 15-25 years-ish. You were the one who went off on the Cain and Abel tangent, I stayed right where you started.





I quote: "Why is it that, now that the government has stepped in to tell us how we can and can't raise or children, this degree of violence is just now an issue?"





This has only been in the last couple decades. Coincidentally the amount of fatherless homes has also skyrocketed at exactly the same time that this degree of violence has become an issue.   My point is, and has always been, that the increase in violence has very little to do with spank or don't spank it has to do with parenting, period.  Many many kids who end up in jail aren't there from lack of spanking, they are there from lack of guidance and you can absolutely 100% get that without spanking if you have someone around willing to put in the time...





Quoting 2boys9yrsapart:

Nope. but you didn't specify the frequency you only stated that it is the primary issue, correct?






Quoting Luvmy2babies22:

The amount of absent fathers has skyrocketed in the last couple decades. You honestly cannot be disputing that.








Quoting 2boys9yrsapart:

There have been fatherless children since the beginning of time. Why is it that, now that the government has stepped in to tell us how we can and can't raise or children, this degree of violence is just now an issue? By your logic it should always have been this way. I'm sure we could both find studies to support either way. Cain and Abel had a father but one brother still killed the other.












Quoting 2boys9yrsapart:

Yup. but that isn't what this thread is about is it? I don't understand why people don't agree to disagree. I posted my opinion you challenged it. I never said it was set in stone all I know is when I was in school we may have gotten into fist fights but guns being brought to school wasn't nearly as frequent as it is now. I'm fairly certain that not every child I went to school with had active same sex role models. I never eluded that you parented any less thoroughly than I do. But non spankers make out like spankers are barbarians. Regardless of what you say/think I will discipline my children the way I see fit, Bottom line.




















Quoting 2boys9yrsapart:

I spank when needed, I try to give chance after chance after chance first. I believe to each their own. But in all reality I probably need to be more harsh with my boys because the world will be. OAN has anyone else noticed that since people stopped disciplining their kids that mass shootings and violence of that sort has sky rocketed? The fear of a parents wrath used to be enough to keep kids in line but that no longer exists.








 









 











 









 








 





 



Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
daughteroftruth
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 10:52 AM

i think that there is always an alternative to spanking.  Honestly I think that it can be hard to find those alternatives in the moment.   I prefer "creative" direction to spanking.. I can see how this would be difficult with younger children though.  


For example, It can be stressfull to tell my 2 yr old to stop wrestling his brother.  I will admit, my instinct and desire is to swat his butt and tell him no.  But, that doesn't really solve the problem.  Problem is, he is full of energy, and wants to pretend to be a super hero... best solution is to redirect that energy, (using an example from this morning, so I told him, brother doesn't want to play, sat him on my lap till he calmed down, then bundled him up and let him go run around in the snow in the back yard)


Older kids, I think there is always a better solution.  Caught my 4 yr old trying to color on the wall.. I could have spanked him, but I feel he learned why he shouldn't make messes by scrubbing that wall for 30 min.  Lesson I gave him? "if you make a mess, you are responsible to clean it up".. spanking would have taught him "if you draw on the wall, mom is going to spank you for it"  and while it might prevent the action in the future, it doesn't teach the lesson I would like him to learn. 

angelmj
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 2:38 PM

I super enjoyed the way you went about the situations you were faced with.

Quoting daughteroftruth:

i think that there is always an alternative to spanking.  Honestly I think that it can be hard to find those alternatives in the moment.   I prefer "creative" direction to spanking.. I can see how this would be difficult with younger children though.  


For example, It can be stressfull to tell my 2 yr old to stop wrestling his brother.  I will admit, my instinct and desire is to swat his butt and tell him no.  But, that doesn't really solve the problem.  Problem is, he is full of energy, and wants to pretend to be a super hero... best solution is to redirect that energy, (using an example from this morning, so I told him, brother doesn't want to play, sat him on my lap till he calmed down, then bundled him up and let him go run around in the snow in the back yard)


Older kids, I think there is always a better solution.  Caught my 4 yr old trying to color on the wall.. I could have spanked him, but I feel he learned why he shouldn't make messes by scrubbing that wall for 30 min.  Lesson I gave him? "if you make a mess, you are responsible to clean it up".. spanking would have taught him "if you draw on the wall, mom is going to spank you for it"  and while it might prevent the action in the future, it doesn't teach the lesson I would like him to learn. 


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