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Toddlers & Preschoolers Toddlers & Preschoolers

Development Question-Social interaction

 My mother went to my son's christmas party at school because I had to work and I wanted to make sure he had his own "guest". When I called to ask her if he had fun she said yes, but expressed some concerns over the fact thay my son doesn't participate with almost any activity. He will be 2 1/2 at the end of this month. I have seen several notes on his daily papers saying he refused to participate in different activities, but I never really paid much attention because I thought it was normal for his age to not really participate in group activities.  I guess I am a little concerned now since my mother saw it as a little abnormal and said all of the other children in his class do participate. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone thinks this is normal or if I should talk to his doctor to try to find a way to encourage him to be more involved. BTW my mom said all he does when they do activities is just stand there watching, any tips or advice????

Oh thought I should probably also say that he is definately not the shy type and is normally very friendly and outgoing which is another reason I find his lack of participating as a little odd.

by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 3:04 PM
Replies (11-20):
doulala
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 11:59 PM

Does he have siblings?

Ktina11
by Bronze Member on Dec. 19, 2012 at 12:03 AM
My middle son was like this. He wouldn't sit in the circle during story time...wouldn't say prayer with the class...or sing songs with everyone. He has his moments when he prefers to be alone. His participation has improved with this second year in preschool....but still has his days. As PP stated, he does like to know how to do things perfectly before trying them. Honestly, I would watch it but with him being so young...I wouldn't stress it yet.
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Poisongirl98
by Bronze Member on Dec. 19, 2012 at 12:47 AM
Maybe he's less comfortable in a larger group setting and prefers 1:1 or smaller groups? Or, is he sociable with adults but not with peers? Is itever possible to go observe him at school?
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Luvmy2babies22
by Platinum Member on Dec. 19, 2012 at 2:23 AM

I have to agree with this.  My son is performing at the top of his K class and he's not even expressing boredom even though the curriculum is stuff he learned 2 years ago.  The social stuff is enough to keep them engaged at a young age.  My niece has been tested at genius level IQ and she's JUST starting to get bored in 2nd grade.  Up until now the other stuff has been enough to counter the limited curriculum for her.

My thought is that not all kids will thrive in any and all learning environments.  If it's the group stuff he's struggling with, maybe a Montessori environment might be a good option for him.  A good Montessori is pricey but it's very individual toward each child.  They still do their circle time where they do days of the week, weather, etc.  They have their social time at recess but the learning time is their own choice at their own pace.  Anyway, that was my first thought.

Quoting BramblePatch:

At that age, kids might get bored (which...ehhh..., I doubt...no matter how advanced we think they are) but they still should want to play with their peers. Please heed the signs and get him checked out.


Quoting witchybabymomma:

 His teacher never sends notes home I just saw the notations she made on his daily classroom sheet. I talked to her today and she said she thinks it's a behavior/not wanting to listen problem, but that doesn't really sound right to me. When he first started at the center he wasn't like that from what other people have said, but according to his teacher he has been. I get a bit of conflicting info depending on who at the center I talk to so I don't really know. It might be that he's bored, but they do a lot of learning activities and things so I don't think that would be the case. He may just not like group activities but like I said he is generally outgoing and wants to play with others so I wouldn't see that as being the case either because it is completely opposite from what I observe. I know his teacher has said he is really advanced in all other areas except his social interactions.



Shelhead
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 2:31 AM


Quoting Poisongirl98:

I have to agree. Since he's not new there and this is an ongoing problem, I'd be concerned. By 2.5 he should be able to participate in some group activities., especially if he goes there regularly and they're routine. Now if he were newer or he was just starting a class and was hesitant,that would be a different story.


Quoting BramblePatch:

I think that if a teacher sends a note home you should ALWAYS pay attention. When someone help is helping to raise your child, you need to listen to their concerns .Lesson learned.



Yes, given the teachers repeated attempts to inform you AND Your mothers observation, I would be concerned.

I agree with both posters. My 2.5 yr old participates with most stuff they do. If kids weren't expected to be able to do certain activities they wouldn't even try right? I know they do activities for 15-20 minutes at a time, which is the longest they can get them to do any one thing at a time.

I know during parent/teacher conferences they said sometimes he won't sit down for the Spanish or sign language, but then he'll use the Spanish or sign what they learned later. So for whatever reason he won't sit down or appear to pay attention, but he is soaking it in. Is it something like that?

witchybabymomma
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 9:11 AM

 I'm not sure I wish I could afford to try a different center and see if that improved things, but I get no assistance from BD and can barely afford things as it is on top of the limited selection of schools in my location. I would be more likely to accept the possibility that he was just bored if it wasn't being that he acts this way all the time. He does have older siblings, but they are not mine and do not live with us they are also 7 and 9 yrs older then he is. I don't know if it's a perfectionist thing or not they do let you come in to observe, but I cannot afford to take off work to do that right now.

prettymomma1204
by Bronze Member on Dec. 19, 2012 at 3:43 PM
could you have your mom observe? the teacher says its behavioral so is he being disruptive during group? is he being forced to join and not wanting to? not all kids are comfortable with group activities that are conducted by an adult. if he isn't being disruptive then they need to leave him be and not worry you over nothing. my sd was disruptive during group because she was forced to join the circle. she is socially a bit awkward but loves being around other kids and working with them.
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amc103
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 4:25 PM

If he's normal to other people in situations outside of school, I wouldnt worry. Kids still like to be alone at that age. If its his first year, he might not know exactly HOW to interact in that kind of group setting. Although his teachers should not force him to participate, they should be actively encouraging him to do so. I wouldn't talk to a doctor about it just yet....he's still pretty young. just keep an eye on it, talk to his teachers about it, and see how it goes. If he were acting like this with EVERYONE he came in contact with, I'd say be concerned, but since that's not the case, I'd wait and see. :-) My DS is kind of like that too, although he's almost 4! this is his first year in preschool and as the year progresses, its getting better. :-) 

amc103
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 4:26 PM

and PS, what is your profile pic of?? LOL! It looks cute and fuzzy! 

ardiaxe
by Bronze Member on Dec. 20, 2012 at 12:03 AM

My son was the same way, people would make comments and I would just tell them he's a thinker.  At 2.5, many children watch.  I always knew my son was fine, at 4 he now participates in anything.  Don't worry one bit, every child is so unique, and not all will follow the crowd.

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