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A strong willed child......

Posted by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 10:20 AM
  • 14 Replies

My 3yr old  cousin, who I am in the process of trying to adot is strong willed. She has always been a very well behaved child, but when it come to telling her to do or not to do something she completely acts like she doesn't hear you. She pretty much does what she wants when she wants. She rarely wants help, she wants to do everything ALL BY HERFELF. She is the complete opossite of my 4yr old.

Any of you have a strong willed child? Any parentig advice?

by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 10:20 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mommaFruFru
by Silver Member on Dec. 28, 2012 at 10:36 AM
My 4 yo. You just have to let them try and try things their way, and be prepared for a few melt downs. Then be there to show/teach them.the right way.

Over and over. I also let him have his independence. If he wants to pour his own drinks, I set up smaller pit hers, jugs and such so its easier. I put step stools around do he can get his own cups..
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babowes
by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 10:37 AM
I only pick battles when it really matters......and set up choices so it looks like they are always in control.
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saterp
by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 10:39 AM

I'm not exactly sure what your child/neice is doing that is bad/troubling?  My 4 year old likes to do many things by herself as well.  This 3-4 year old range seems to be tough with teaching limits/consequences.  Best of luck. 

OBImomma
by Silver Member on Dec. 28, 2012 at 10:45 AM
Sounds like my 3yo. We put her in her bed for arguing/talking back and not doing as she is told. She is something else. Now when she's told something (go brush your teeth or pick up your toys, whatever) she bursts into years and runs to her bed. I'm hoping she grows out of this fast.
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corrinacs
by Platinum Member on Dec. 28, 2012 at 10:46 AM

YES.  This is the exact nature of my older child.

I have let him have his independence, I just am smart about what I leave out for him to do.  I knwo what he's capable of, what he can and cannot do......what he does that he shouldn't. And I try my best to shape his environment so there are less instances of him doing things he shoudln't be doing (like breaking things....there's nothing to break LOL).

Allow her to do things on her own.  She wants to make her own sandwich, LET HER.  She wants to pour her own milk, get her a small pitcher to do so.

There's a book out there that would be a great read called "Raising an Amazing Child the Montessori Way".  I am not a huge Montessori proponent, but I love this book because it focuses around independence and shaping thier environment to foster it!

Beyond that, you will also have to start shaping your speech.  i cannot tell Caden to do anything without any sort of "reward".  I hate that, but at least it gets him moving.  I clean up with him, or offer him a cookie for "payment".  He's getting old enough to appreciate an allowance, so we are going to start doing that pretty soon.

Good luck :) :)

STVUstudent
by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 11:38 AM
1 mom liked this

That's not strong willed.  That is a child who is used to taking care of herself.

bc19
by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 11:46 AM

yup, my son tests my patience just about on a daily basis and I am in the strong willed category myself lol. You just have to remind yourself to breathe a lot. Other than that, when you set consequences and boundaries, stick to them like white on rice. The second you deviate, they will push a mile past that. Always, Always, ALWAYS stick to your guns. My son is very independent as well, and hates when anyone helps him. However, sometime I do not have two hours or the patience to listen to the blow up that comes with his repeat failures. So, he is allowed to have two shots to do it himself. After that I step in and help and do it very slowly so he can see what I am doing and sometimes I even let him help me so he can get it down for next time. Help her learn to do things by herself so she won't get frustrated and you won't have to step in a lot. I also have a shelf set aside for my son in the fridge and in the cabnet for all the foods he likes to eat. All his apples, grapes, pickles, cheese sticks, and things like that are in easy reach so he doesn't have to come and ask me when he wants something. He has crackers, gummy snacks, packs of cereal, and things like that on the shelf in the cabnet. 

PEEK05
by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 11:55 AM

When my daughter pretends not to hear me or wants to tell me no, she is told to go to her room and not come out until she is ready to behave.  Sometimes it's like two minutes and other times she stays in there for a while and finds something else to do.

luvc09
by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 12:19 PM

That is a possibility. Her BM was very hands off.

Quoting STVUstudent:

That's not strong willed.  That is a child who is used to taking care of herself.


STVUstudent
by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 1:06 PM


Quoting luvc09:

That is a possibility. Her BM was very hands off.

Quoting STVUstudent:

That's not strong willed.  That is a child who is used to taking care of herself.

 

For some of these kids, it can be very hard to get used to the idea that the grownups (you) really will take care of them and do what needs to be done.  The SWs would tell me stories about 4 and 5 year olds that were essentially caregivers for infant siblings.  they were so used to doing everything, they had to be taught how to be kids...  Very sad.  Then there are also the kids who are just independent by nature... without knowing the child, it's hard to say if it is one case or the other, or maybe a combination of the two... I would let him (or is it her) do what he can, help where you can, and just reinforce that you are there to help and take care of the kids...

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