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Toddlers & Preschoolers Toddlers & Preschoolers

How would you have reacted/handled this?

Posted by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 3:15 PM
  • 49 Replies

My Mom came to stay with us for a few days around the holidays. My son is in pre-k and happened to have his school Christmas party the next day. Originally we both were going to go to the party and take my newborn and my 2 year old. Then my newborn comes down with RSV so I couldn't take him. I asked my Mom would she watch him for a few so I could still go and be there for my son. All the other parents come and watch the kids perform a few songs, eat food, mingle, etc. My Mom said that she really wanted to go and said she doesn't get to see this type of stuff very often. I told her I wanted to be there for him since all the other parents would be there. She tells me that she could be there for him and then says " well how about we ask him and let him decide who he wants to be there". She is talking about asking a 4 year old who he would rather be at his school party...his mom or his grandma! I was so upset about her evening asking/thinking this. I just told her that no I don't want to do that. I want to be there for him since he said he wanted me there. She then suggests that we take turns standing in the corner with my rsv newborn and hanging out with my son. I am just so taken back by it all. I was curious what others may think of this situation. Thanks!

by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 3:15 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Luvmy2babies22
by Platinum Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 3:21 PM
2 moms liked this

I would be shocked that your mother would even say that to you.  I think it's terrible that she would even consider putting a 4 year old in that position and you shouldn't be forced to explain why you wanted to be there for your son.  I think I would have just tried to find another option of care for your son so you both could have gone but am really shocked that she wouldn't offer to stay home so you could go.  My mother would have been disappointed to miss the event but would also understand that my support trumps hers when it comes to my own child.  She had her chance for those things with me and she would want me to have those same experiences with my own kids.

I'm sorry that happened, I bet that was really frustrating.

CorpCityGrl
by Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 3:28 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry that happened.

That is not fair of your mother to even suggest putting a 4 year old in that kind of situation.  It sets him up for a lot of guilt and it's not necessary.  YOU are his mom and she was overstepping boundaries.  As much as she would have liked to have been there, YOU are still his mother and you take precedence over her in his life.

anxious1stimer
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 3:28 PM

wow you really put it in perspective for me! You are exactly right about she had her chance with me. This is my kid and my time for these experiences. Thanks so much! I am thinking about telling her how I felt about her saying this. It is really bothering me. She choose to move so far away from us and the kids so she made that choice to miss out on this stuff. I actually don't get to see this stuff often either. Christmas party is once a year. She was there for the Easter party last year with us. The ironic part is she actually got to go without me b/c my newborn was admitted to the hospital with RSV. So I had to miss it anyway. :(

Quoting Luvmy2babies22:

I would be shocked that your mother would even say that to you.  I think it's terrible that she would even consider putting a 4 year old in that position and you shouldn't be forced to explain why you wanted to be there for your son.  I think I would have just tried to find another option of care for your son so you both could have gone but am really shocked that she wouldn't offer to stay home so you could go.  My mother would have been disappointed to miss the event but would also understand that my supports trumps hers when it comes to my own child.  She had her chance for those things with me and she would want me to have those same experiences with my own kids.

I'm sorry that happened, I bet that was really frustrating.


Luvmy2babies22
by Platinum Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 3:38 PM

i think it's wonderful that your mother wants to be involved with your child.  i just think she overstepped.  obviously it was not your choice for your LO to come down with RSV and sometimes life isn't fair and throws curve balls.  she just really needed to know her place in that situation and deal with her own disappointment.  i'm sure it wasn't the first time in her life that things didn't go according to plan.  good luck, just be honest with her about how it made you feel :)

erinsmom1964
by Carrie on Jan. 3, 2013 at 4:37 PM
3 moms liked this

I would of let her go without even an argument for 2 reasons.  1 -I wouldn't ever leave my newborn with anyone when it has RSV and 2- your mother was right you see him everyday and have his life of Christmas things she was visiting.  IMO you pushed it to this level of silliness you obviously have some other issues with your mother.  To want her on a visit to take care of your sick newborn so you can leave....I don't get it at all

erinsmom1964
by Carrie on Jan. 3, 2013 at 4:38 PM
1 mom liked this

??? Grandmas place is to take care of the sick newborn???  LOL  NOT

Quoting Luvmy2babies22:

i think it's wonderful that your mother wants to be involved with your child.  i just think she overstepped.  obviously it was not your choice for your LO to come down with RSV and sometimes life isn't fair and throws curve balls.  she just really needed to know her place in that situation and deal with her own disappointment.  i'm sure it wasn't the first time in her life that things didn't go according to plan.  good luck, just be honest with her about how it made you feel :)


tennisgal
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 4:43 PM
3 moms liked this

I would have sent Gma. She's right..she doesn't get the chance to see these things and this would have been a great opportunity. I also wouldn't have felt comfortable leaving my newborn who had RSV. 

Luvmy2babies22
by Platinum Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 4:45 PM

I thought that in this situation the grandmother should have accepted staying home with the sick child so MOM could go support HER child.   If it were my mom she wouldn't have thought twice about it she would have said "you are the mom, you need to be there."  sure she would have been disappointed to miss it but she would know where the priorities were for that particular situation.  if my mom lived far away i absolutely may have said "no, you go, you never see him" but i'm also a SAHM and will get those opportunities a lot.  if mom works and has to miss other things than this was special for her too.

Also, I think the thing that threw me the most about the situation from OP is the way her mom dealt with it.  To seriously suggest making a 4 year old choose between her and his own mother is absurd to me. 

Quoting erinsmom1964:

??? Grandmas place is to take care of the sick newborn???  LOL  NOT

Quoting Luvmy2babies22:

i think it's wonderful that your mother wants to be involved with your child.  i just think she overstepped.  obviously it was not your choice for your LO to come down with RSV and sometimes life isn't fair and throws curve balls.  she just really needed to know her place in that situation and deal with her own disappointment.  i'm sure it wasn't the first time in her life that things didn't go according to plan.  good luck, just be honest with her about how it made you feel :)


 

smcclure2005
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 4:50 PM

For me I would have let my mom go to the program being that I had a sick baby and taking care of said baby would take first place for me. That and if grandma does not live here then I would have let her go so she could see him too being that I could always catch the next school program. That is just my opinion. You do what works for you and yours..it is your family after all.

mariesmama
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 4:54 PM

if i had more than 1 kid i and 1 was sick i'd let her go and stay with the sick kid they usually want mommies when they feel like crap or maybe thats just my kid

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