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Toddlers & Preschoolers Toddlers & Preschoolers

Only child cries herself to sleep at night...

Posted by on Jan. 13, 2013 at 10:55 PM
  • 13 Replies

Any ideas on how to help my four-year-old only child through loneliness?  After any playdate/party/whatever that involves children with siblings, she comes home tired and stressed out, and cries herself to sleep.  Every time I put her down for the night, it's an hour-long, abject bawling wail:  "Mommy don't leave me, I'm so lonely, I wish I had another one of me to go to sleep with," etc.  I'd chalk it up to being overly tired, but the next day she wakes up subdued and repeats the same things, just without the crying. 

A second child cannot happen for a variety of reasons, many of them medical.  But our home life is stable and reasonably comfortable, my daughter has friends at preschool, she's involved in TKD, I take her to playgrounds, museums, etc., and she has me as a playmate _all_ day no matter what.  So all in all, she's not hurting...and yet she is. 

I feel like the absolute worst mother in the world when I hear her wailing, because I'm the one who made the choice not to try for another one.  I've explained to her that her daddy and I decided to stop at one kid because, well, we felt like we'd hit the kid lottery on the first try (which is true).  We also wanted to be the best parents we could be--and for my husband and I, who are both over 40, one child was the best choice...or so we thought.

So, any ideas would be greatly appreciated...because I feel like H*** about it, and apparently so does my sweet girl.

by on Jan. 13, 2013 at 10:55 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mypbandj
by Jen on Jan. 13, 2013 at 10:57 PM
Would you consider seeing a therapist? Cause this seems to be outside the realm of typical, especially since it seems to persist.
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mamamedic69
by on Jan. 13, 2013 at 11:44 PM
I too have a toddler and I am over 40. My dd doesn't react the same way yours does. She is slightly younger tho and is going through separation anxiety. She's afraid I won't come back for her. She's 3.5. You're not a horrible mother for only having one child.

I would mention it to her doctor and see what they say.
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SMTCMMoore
by Bronze Member on Jan. 13, 2013 at 11:47 PM
Can she have a cat? It helped my son alot in behavior. He has siblings so lonely wasn't the issue here but he was crazy and pets have calmed him quite a bit.
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kellymarie323
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 8:25 AM
Im sorry, I don't have an advice but I do have free hugs :)
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CorpCityGrl
by Member on Jan. 14, 2013 at 10:57 AM

Oh I'm so sorry!

Have you spoken to your doctor about this?  It could be separation anxiety, but you might consider taking her to talk to a therapist just to help her sort out her feelings.  If you aren't against it, a pet may also help because it helps re-direct and focus them.

You aren't a horrible mother for choosing not to have another one, so don't feel guilty about it.  This too shall pass.

jenC1978
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 10:58 AM

I have one kid, a 5 yr old boy and he never expressed a need for a sibling.  He does extremely well and is very sociable with everyone.  Maybe you can get your daughter a puppy to make her feel better.  I never heard of a kid acting like this. 

IAMmomtotrips
by Member on Jan. 14, 2013 at 11:02 AM

Don't worry, its not all its cracked up to be!  Issy was screaming crying last night because her sisters wouldn't go to sleep to the point she was begging me to let her be an only child!

 

Rae706
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 11:14 AM

): So sad! I hope everything works out! Wish I could help!


Queensmom221
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 12:28 PM

Does she have a lovey? If not, maybe buying her special doll, or stuffed animal and having her sleep with it.

.Angelica.
by Angie on Jan. 14, 2013 at 1:21 PM

It doesn't seem normal to be THAT upset over not having a sibling :( I'm not sure what to do. I don't know what your thoughts are on pets but maybe if that is an option it will help her?

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