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daughter telling boyfriend she loves him?

Posted by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 4:05 PM
  • 11 Replies

My daughter is 4 years old. her father and i have been seperated for three or so years now. I have been dating my new boyfriend for three months now, I emphasize that he is not her father, I would never attempt or even let her call him that, and I tell her he is her friend. I wish she could be around him less than she is, but the fact is, I am a single mother and her father is never around and I have little to no help or time, with school and work, so when i do have time to spend with my boyfriend, it is when he tags along with me and my daughter. He is a great guy and she likes him, she knows who her dad is and she does not treat my boyfriend like he is her dad, more like a friend, or a crush. but she has started saying i love you to him. I attempted to tell her that she "likes him as a friend" or something like that, but she doesnt understand, and it is completely innocent, i dont know where my position is to tell her she cant say that, and whether he should say it back to her. I do love him, and he loves me, and we are planning our life together. the only reason we waited to "officially" date until three months ago was because he was away for a year in afghanistan. i dont know what the proper thing to do is,what to tell my daughter and what to tell him. any advice?

by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 4:05 PM
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by Robyn on Jan. 15, 2013 at 5:08 PM

Kids are very free with their emotions. I've had kids at work (the playroom at the gym) tell me they love me. I don't always know what to say--I don't want to say it back and freak the parents out (they usually say it as they're leaving--so the parents always hear). Sometimes I respond with an "awww, that's very sweet of you!" or something like that.

Anyway, my point is, if that's how she feels (or thinks she feels) I wouldn't discourage her from saying it. How does your BF feel about it?

by Bronze Member on Jan. 15, 2013 at 8:08 PM

Maybe she does love him. She sees him take care of you and I'm guessing he's a nice guy. I would think it's a good thing she loves the man you love. She sounds happy.

by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 10:57 PM
I wouldn't discourage her in saying that. At 4 she probably doesn't know many different ways of expressing how much she likes someone. She knows you say you love her and you probably say that to him too, right? It's her way I saying she likes him, which is great! Especially since you are planning your life with him.

If he loves her too I would tell him it's ok to say it back to her.
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by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 12:47 AM

 I wouldn't discourage it but I wouldn't encourage it. I think it's normal. Children mimic what they see adults doing

by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 10:04 AM

thank you very much! all of your comments helped. 

by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 10:12 AM
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I don't see it is a problem for her to say I love you to your boyfriend and for him to say it back especially if you are planning a life together.

by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 2:30 PM

I have no idea. I'd ask him how he feels about it.

by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 3:13 PM

 I would take it as a good sign. You can love lots of people. Just because you have a special love for him doesn't mean she can't love him in her own way. I wouldn't think anything of it except a positive sign that he might be the one. :)

by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 3:16 PM

I'd let her say it. There are much worse things kids can say in the world, an I Love You won't hurt anyone. I love lots of people - more than just my parents. Have a talk with him and see how comfortable he is with it - it may be too soon for him...

by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 12:12 AM

I wouldn't say anything. I'd let your boyfriend handle that on his own, and discouraging her from saying it would be confusing for her. At 4, I think she has some knowledge of what love means or feels like, she's sharing her emotions with this man who you're planning a life with, and that's great. Sounds like a good sign, to me. :)

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