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Toddlers & Preschoolers Toddlers & Preschoolers

Some peoples husbands!

Posted by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 3:01 AM
  • 16 Replies

So i didnt really know where else/who else to vent to about this as i am new to cafe mom and so far have enjoyed this group more then any others.


I have just spent my entire night consoling a friend whos husband (currently a deployed navymen) just called her to tell her not only does he want a divorse after 5 years and two kids later, but that he has been having an affair and is expecting a child with his new chick.


Have any of you had to recover from an affair?

What kind of advice should i give her?

im so torn about the matter because i myself have had to deal with my husband cheating on me, but we were able to work through it. I feel like by not encouraging her to try and fix her marriage i am being a hypocrite but i feel that this situation is severe enough that it may be beyond repair so i dont want to push for her to try and fix it and give her a false sense of hope...

by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 3:01 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mommy404204
by New Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 3:05 AM
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I would just be there for her and tell her that you will help and support her with what ever decision she makes. I would deffinately not encourage her to stay with a man whom obviously does not love or respect her. She does not need that in her life or her childrens lives. I personally do not think that I could recover from an affair. My sister did she forgave her sons father who cheated on her and had a child who is now younger than my nephew. I dont understand that I would never be able to be with someone who did that. Good luck and just be there for her and be a good friend to her.

villagemamma
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 3:16 AM

thats what i am trying to do at this point. just be her nonbiased fountain of knowledge. Help her take the nessesary steps that she is having a hard time thinking about because of the level of emotional involvment. its just hard to not feel so much anger for her and her kids

jlynnsalazar
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 3:19 AM
6 moms liked this
That's against military policy. He can be discharged for that. I would contact his commander.
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villagemamma
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 3:27 AM

You know i was thinking that that was the case but wasnt 100% sure. I already told her she needed to go to the navy legal department asap. I figure worse case sceniorio that will definitely help her case on getting alimony/childsupport


Quoting jlynnsalazar:

That's against military policy. He can be discharged for that. I would contact his commander.



jlynnsalazar
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 7:19 AM
2 moms liked this
She needs to do it. Tell her jag should help her. Plus since he cheated he won't get primary custody. She needs to file before he does. If they live on base he will be required to sleep in the barricks until the divorce is over than she has to move off base. Let her know she can keep her military Id that includes medical and commissary if she fights for it.


Quoting villagemamma:

You know i was thinking that that was the case but wasnt 100% sure. I already told her she needed to go to the navy legal department asap. I figure worse case sceniorio that will definitely help her case on getting alimony/childsupport



Quoting jlynnsalazar:

That's against military policy. He can be discharged for that. I would contact his commander.





Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
RobynS
by Robyn on Jan. 18, 2013 at 8:16 AM

It seems there are some major obstacles in them working it out--he's deployed, so there is distance between them. And he has a baby on the way with someone else. If I were in her shoes, I would get some counseling (for myself, and the kids if they're old enough), go through with the divorce, and just focus on healing. But that's easy for me to say when I'm not actually going through it. Good luck to your friend!

PEEK05
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 1:29 PM

Oh my gosh! That is awful! I wish I knew what to say. :(

Moogie1005
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 2:13 PM
1 mom liked this
Start here and be her helper as much as possible. Tell her to call Jag asap.


Quoting jlynnsalazar:

She needs to do it. Tell her jag should help her. Plus since he cheated he won't get primary custody. She needs to file before he does. If they live on base he will be required to sleep in the barricks until the divorce is over than she has to move off base. Let her know she can keep her military Id that includes medical and commissary if she fights for it.




Quoting villagemamma:

You know i was thinking that that was the case but wasnt 100% sure. I already told her she needed to go to the navy legal department asap. I figure worse case sceniorio that will definitely help her case on getting alimony/childsupport




Quoting jlynnsalazar:

That's against military policy. He can be discharged for that. I would contact his commander.







Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
conejoazul
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 3:01 PM
1 mom liked this

I´m leaning towards the advice to encourage her to get her affairs in order and to take advantage of whatever support the military will offer her and the children while she goes into adjustment mode. Even if at some moment in the future there was some "resolution" between them as a couple, right now her heart should go towards getting her financial affairs in concrete order (no slight to the baby that is about to be born who obviously is not to be slighted in anyway because of the choices his/her parents have made) because her husband is about to have a least one new mouth to feed and maybe two depending on the circumstances of his new partner. Your friend is very soon to be competing for whatever parental support her kids need from their dad and she´ll probably be crying harder in the future if she looks back and sees that she used this time foolishly. Their marriage has already been interrupted but his committment to their kids needs to be shored up now. She should get legal advice ASAP.

sophiesmom07
by Ruby Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 3:21 PM

It doesn't sound like she has a choice! I think they guy has already made up his mind to get a divorce.  It's really terrible. I hope your friend can be strong and havethe support of  friends and family.  She needs to make sure she and her children are taken care of financially. Good luck to her.

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