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Stranger Danger

Posted by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 7:35 AM
  • 12 Replies
I've been trying to find a way to talk to my kids about this and I can't seem to figure one out without thinking that I'm going to accidently say something to scare them. Can you ladies help find a way to say it without putting too much scary information into it?
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 7:35 AM
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Replies (1-10):
RobynS
by Robyn on Jan. 31, 2013 at 8:28 AM

There was a post a while back (maybe a column from The Stir?) about how we really shouldn't call it Stranger Danger any more. There are plenty of 'good' strangers, and sadly, it is often a friend or family member who ends up hurting a child in some way. :(

sumannie
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:21 AM
Quoting RobynS:

There was a post a while back (maybe a column from The Stir?) about how we really shouldn't call it Stranger Danger any more. There are plenty of 'good' strangers, and sadly, it is often a friend or family member who ends up hurting a child in some way. :(

Oh. Well I don't really call it that but I thought that it might help me here by saying it. But my SIL boyfriends whom the kids barely know and barely see, which is fine with me, has seen them maybe a couple times. Well he came one day and gave them suckers. Then they didn't see him for awhile and then he comes and talks to them and the kids start kissing him and hugging him. I was a bit alarmed so thats why I brought up the subject.
corrinacs
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:57 AM

Hey,

I wouldn't talk about "Stranger Danger" in that fashion.  Unfortunately, it teaches children that the only people that may hurt them are strangers, when in fact most of the time rapes, abuse, abductions, etc were commited by family or close friends of the child.

With caden, who is 5, we just talk about what's ok and not ok for touching.  This includes him.  Sometimes he gets silly and will poke me in teh boob.....but I reinforce and tell him that's NOT ok touching.  That's my private area.  I then emphasize where his private places are and that if anyone touches him there (that's not mommy or daddy.........or under our supervision) then he needs to speak up.  Also, if something anyone did (even us) was uncomfortable for him, he needs to speak up. 

That's where we've led the conversation.  Luckily, the only thing he's really said is that he likes to wash himself now :).

corrinacs
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:00 AM
1 mom liked this

Also, I tell him that if he's alone and he can't find us, this is his plan.

1. Run to crowded area.

2 Find a police officer or security guard or worker.  He knows what they look like.

3. If one is not around, he needs to look for a mother with a child.

Matriarch87
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:07 AM
Hmmm...I never taught my son to not talk to strangers, I think it's good to be friendly to everyone. I don't want him running scared from the old lady that wanted to let him know how cute he was.



Honestly I think a little fear is good. I guess I did it in a jokey kind of way. I said it like it was a compliment because he was so awesome. Like when we are in a public place if he doesn't feel like holding my hand I say, "hold my hand honey. I don't want anyone to steal you away from me bc you are so handsome."...



So if someone does approach him and he isn't holding my Hand he says, "I know I'm handsome but dont steal me.". It cracks people up.
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Monica_0812
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:16 AM
As a mother is my duty to protect my kids but also teach them to protect themselves. Yes I agree it's not good for them to be scared of everyone they meet that's why when they reach a certain age is good to start teaching them what's right and wrong when meeting new people.
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susieQ680
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:17 AM

I tell my son do not talk to strangers but these people were i live i feel like they r too nice

PEEK05
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:37 AM

I have no idea. :/ I need to have that conversation soon since I may be going to work end of spring/early summer.

Luvmy2babies22
by Platinum Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:44 AM

We started talking to my 6 year old about this a year or so ago.  We actually just give him scenarios and have him either answer "y/n" or "what do you do if ______?  why?" or like "who do you find for help if you get separated from Mommy?"  "Another Mommy with kids."  They also practice certain things in his karate class which is awesome!

My 3 1/2 year old is still too young to really understand but she's getting there.  She's the one I'm the most worried about because she's crazy social with zero fear of strangers.  We have to watch her like a hawk.  It's scary.

STVUstudent
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:55 AM

The thing is, most abuse and abductions come from someone the child knows, or has at least seen before.  Stranger Danger can actually cause your kids to NOT go to the people who could most help them if they were lost, or to go to people who look a little too much like a "helper."  Consider- a private security guard looks an awful lot like a policeman, but any screening was at the whim of the employing agency... often none at all.  Heck, a maintenance man can look like a cop to a scared young kid...

What we have taught our kids (besides rote memorization of our names, their full name, address, and phone number), is that if they ever find themselves lost or separated from us, 1st, do not wander around looking for us, and 2nd, go to a cashier or information counter and ask for help.  If they can't find that, look for a mom with little kids and ask her for help.

Because most child predators are skilled at luring children away, we have cautioned our children to beware of grownups they do not know who ask them for help, directions, or advise (unless we are with them).  No grownup is going to ask a child to help find their puppy, look at their kitten, or anything else... but these kinds of lures are used to draw kids away.  We call them "sneaky people" not strangers...  strangers are not necesarily dangerous- but sneaky people are... 

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