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Toddlers & Preschoolers Toddlers & Preschoolers

Funerals

Posted by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 12:28 PM
  • 15 Replies

Would you take your toddlers to a funeral? 

My DH & I have two toddlers (ages 3 & 2) and we're faced with an family member dying. I don't feel that a funeral is a place for someone that young. They don't understand what is going on. Now I know that I can get my mom to watch the kids while dh & I attend the funeral but I have a feeling that dh's mom will through a fit if the kids aren't there. My dh's mom has some mental issues.

How do I politely explain that the kids will not be attending the funeral without having anyone butt hurt?  

by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 12:28 PM
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Replies (1-10):
weberbaby
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 12:34 PM
Bump. I took my kids to three funerals last year at ages 1-2 and 3-4. I just explained it at their level.
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StacyO722
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 12:41 PM
1 mom liked this

 DD is 3 1/2 and she has been to 3 funerals. The 1st was my Grandma when she was almost 2, then DH's Grandma, and finally my Mom just 6 months ago. She didn't really understand the 1st 2, but the last one she knew everyone was sad, and wanted to make me especially feel better. Having children at a funeral can be a comfort to some people. Kind of like the circle of life, life goes on. Seeing them can make people smile when nothing else will. I know if I didn't have her there, I would have been more of a mess than I already was.

It's all up to you, I'm not saying bring them if you are uncomfortable. But it's not unheard of for there to be children there. If your MIL has a problem with it, just explain to her that you felt it was better for your family to do it this way.

TheMommaJessie
by Bronze Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 12:49 PM

i had my 2 year old ds & 3  month old dd with us @ my hubbys aunts funeral my sil & bil had their 18 month old dd & newborn ds there also me & her kept the kids in another room during the funeral.

OliviaW.
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 1:03 PM

If that was an option I would do it but it's a very small church and there's no where else to go. 

Quoting TheMommaJessie:

i had my 2 year old ds & 3  month old dd with us @ my hubbys aunts funeral my sil & bil had their 18 month old dd & newborn ds there also me & her kept the kids in another room during the funeral.


TheMommaJessie
by Bronze Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 1:14 PM

if they can be well behaved & sit quietly id take them a lot of people  like seeing kids @ funerals because it brings some sunshine to a very very glumy day

Quoting OliviaW.:

If that was an option I would do it but it's a very small church and there's no where else to go. 

Quoting TheMommaJessie:

i had my 2 year old ds & 3  month old dd with us @ my hubbys aunts funeral my sil & bil had their 18 month old dd & newborn ds there also me & her kept the kids in another room during the funeral.



malexander2009
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 1:25 PM

 I took my 15 month old to a funeral last year. There were lots of other kids there from older to younger. It was for my 23 year old cousin.

JaronDMC
by Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 2:25 PM
If you feel they shouldn't go then don't take them. In this situation you know your kids best. Your mil will have to deal. Tell her ahead of time so its not a surprise on the day.
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momof2891
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 2:36 PM
I took my 6 year old dd and 3 year old ds to dh's grandpa's funeral a couple of weeks ago. I didn't want to but my MIL insisted on us bring our kids and my BIL and his SO bring their kids. So we had a 6 yo, 4yo, 3 yo, 18 month old and 4 month old there. BIL's SO and I took the younger ones to a different room during the service while the 6 and 4 yo stayed in the chapel. I also took coloring books and crayons for them to play with and snacks and water bottles for them.
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hollydaze1974
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 2:36 PM
I tried. It was a horrible experience. Was basically kicked out of the viewing because my two year old was uncontrollable.

I missed my grandmother's funeral because it was naptime and he was too excitable and I was unable to comfort my mother because I had to stay in the refreshment area and rock him. My 13 yr old stayed and comforted my mother.

It depends on the child. If they can listen to you consistently and sit quietly when told, great!

I have a future linebacker on my hands who climbs the bookshelf if not blocked off and is impossible to find in the park, once turned loose. He couldn't handle a quiet moment if it was covered in chocolate .

If your toddlers are capable of being calm, relatives adore seeing children, it brings a happiness to a sad time. It was evident to me by the funeral director that mine was unwelcome.
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MalakbelLacuna
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 2:38 PM

I wouldnt

I have three kids. The older two have only been to the graveside service and I stood a little ways away from the rest of the family.

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