needy mommas boy, and a clingy 5 year old.

You could try and do one on one activities with boy boys. You could also try having a close friend or family member watch them while you and your fiancee go out and have dinner or do some shopping just so then your youngest will get used to you not being there all the time. I had to do this with my girls they are 5, 5, and 22months. Good luck.

 thanks for the info. my fiancees mom plays a big part in our childrens lives. but even then she's a really busy lady her self. she raised four kids by her self. 3 were boys and her youngest is a girl.. i honestly dont know how she does it. but, other than school, i usually dont get away from my children unless i absolutely need to. i think my problem is that im terrified to leave them for too long. but i know they are always in good hands when im gone. im a worrisome young mom. is that normal? i worry more aften than i should actually..... i try and give my children equal one on one time, but there isn't enough hours in a day. if i could have 25 hours a day, i think i could manage better.. but unfortunately, it just doesn't work that way i guess....

Quoting concentrate:

hello,

my name is Amber, i am new to CafeMom. im a 21 year old full time college student with 2 healthy boys. jaiden, 5. and Antiawn, 2. jaiden i know is in a prime for learning, exploring and figuring out life. but i feel as if he feels the need to be attached to me hip. im not sure if it's because of a jealousy issue with his brother, because his brother is with me more than jai is. and antiawn gets quite a bit of attention. and that brings me to my needy mommas boy. which in whom is Antiawn, my 2 year old. he wont allow me to leav e him at a baby sitters. he will sit there and pull on me, and scream at the top of his lungs. i'd think with how much we are together he'd get sick of me. i dont ever go any where, and i really dont hang out with anyone unless it's my fiancee. so really, it's just us two and our children. i am with my kids as much as i possibly can be, but i feel like my attention is being soaked up in more places than the other. i am not sure how to manage this or make it better. if anyone has advice. please let me know. i am at my wits end.

 

Look at it differently.  Your children have a nice secure attachment to you.  They enjoy time with you.  They can't get enough of you because they love and admire you so much.  This will only last a few years so enjoy it while you can instead of seeing it as a problem.  I think kids are suppose to feel so strongly about their mamas but our society pushes independance too much.  At 2yr. I couldn't leave either or my first two kids with a babysitter without them crying and my second would have a major fit about it.  Luckily like you I didn't have to often.  Now he's 4yr. and separates fairly easily.  My 8 yr. old confidently runs off to join friends, visit the neighbors house, attend a class, etc.  Love them up, drop the to do list and just be with them doing whatever or not much with them but being silly together.  Keep them close as long as you can.  Prepare yourself instead of preparing them for independance.  They will eventually want it and get it and you'll be missing them babies.  Doesn't sound like there is anything wrong with your kids.  Just expectations a little off.  Lil ones are suppose to want their mamas a lot.  Do you need more personal time?  Is that the problem?  Could you lay on the floor to read your school book while they play legos?  Any occassional comment on their building with you so close by might work. Could your fiancee take over a bit so you can take a long bath?  Me time doesn't have to be away from the kids.  Do you have to leave them with a babysitter more and that's the problem?  Is there anyone they are comfortable with that you can leave them with instead?  Would they be more comfortable if someone watched them at home? 

I too am asking you if you need some "you" time? And do you work outside the home? Just asking to know how much you're needing to leave the youngest. And I completely understand if you need "you" time outside of the house. Just asking this before I say any rambling.

At 2 it is normal for them to cry when you are leaving. Seperation anxiety is normal. Most kids that age, once you are gone, calm down and have a great time till they see you again. Then the water works start and the dramatics. You really do need to take some time for you and your fiancee and even you alone once a month or so. As to the older one, part of it is jealousy, part of it is he is probably caught between wanting to be with you, and wanting to spread his wings and he is probably a bit nervous/scared. 

The sitter has told you he stops crying way quicker if you just gave him a smooch and hand him over? How about not feeding him breakfast at home? If he's hungry, the sitter can redirect him toward food and you can slip out the door. This is what I did. It works well.

Hi Amber.  Welcome to the group and to CafeMom. :)

I wish I had advice but both of my children don't mind being with others and not just mommy.  Here is a bump and a good luck.