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14mo TERRIFIED of her Grandparents! Need major help-Baby #2 due soon!

Posted by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 1:16 PM
  • 8 Replies
I need major help mamas! My 14 mo DD has major stranger anxiety with her grandparents! I'm due with baby #2 March 31 and have no idea what I'm going to do with my DD when I go into labor/am in the hospital.

Around 9months old she started freaking out if her grandparents held her (both my parents and my DF's parents). We see them probably 2-4 times a month. We thought it was a phase that she would get over quickly but here we are at almost 15 months old! We have tried so many things to get her comfortable with them. We started going once a week for dinner to his (df) parents house. They can come up to her but can't pick her up. And they can't come up to her until she's gotten comfortable which takes maybe 10-15 minutes.

She will only let me and DF and my best friend hold her. When we go out to eat or shopping she is so friendly to everybody. With baby #2 coming I am really freaking out!! I go to my moms and just sit on the couch the 3 of us(my mom, dd, and myself) and she starts getting warmed up to my mom after a while. But if I leave the room she freaks. She really freaks if I leave the room at my inlaws, even if her daddy is holding her.

Sorry so long and all over the place! Also, Our pedi said at her 1 yr checkup that there's nothing really you can do but give it time and let her grow out of it. And not to force the issue. I'm a SAHM and know she is a little too attached to me but my bff watches her sometimes and she doesn't even care If I leave. I want her to be like that with her grandparents but it just does not seem to be happening! Any advice will be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much!
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 1:16 PM
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by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 1:26 PM
It is typical for that age. But you can give more opportunity to see them and get more comfortable. My older two were always friendly with when yds was standoffish around 12 months it was a huge surprise. He eventually came out of it but at 3, he is still slow to warm up. He just had his 3yr check and wouldn't speak to the doctor...not even nodding. If I were in yr shoes, I would encourage the gparents to get on the floor at her level to play. She will likely grow out of this eventually...but until then just give her lots of opportunity to gain confidence and trust.
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by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:29 PM

My 15 month old screams bloody murder whenever she is left with anyone but myself or my husband.  However, everyone tells me that she only cries for about 5 minutes after we leave and then she is fine. If she is having a really bad day then putting he rin her high chair with her milk and turning on a familiar cartoon really helps.   Also, if we left when she was asleep then she seems pretty fine with whomever gets her out of her crib, because she just wants to get up and out and is happy with anyone at that time.  This stage does pass eventually, around 2 yrs. old and I can't wait! Good luck =)

by Bronze Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:38 PM

It sounds sort of normal for that age to have a bit of "stranger anxiety" (even if it's her grandparents) or separation anxiety. It took DD awhile to warm up to her grandparents (who we see usually once or twice every couple of months, since they all live out of town) on every visit. Even a couple of months after her 2nd birthday, she'd be in tears if her grandpas or DH's grandpa tried to hold her.

Unfortunately, this may be a stage that there's nothing to do but let your DD grow out of it.

by Nannerz on Feb. 11, 2013 at 1:58 AM
Could it be that they get too "in your face" with her and she doesn't like that? Maybe when you visit them you can have them sit down and color with her or do play dough next to her.
Try to get out with out her once a week (or more often if due date is soon), and have grandparents cuddle her, sing to her, or whatever to comfort her when you're gone. Be gone for at least 1-2 hours and tell grandparents not to call you unless there's blood, broken bones or fire. That will give them all a chance to get used to each other and figure out how to deal with each other.
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 8:55 AM

It's pretty typical at that age.  My kids were the same way. We didn't acknowlege the behavior. We learned that the best thing was for my parents to say a quick hello and pretty much ignore them until they got comfortable. Little by little, it stopped.  Hang in there and keep taking your dd to see the grandparents on a regular basis. It'll pass.   

by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:00 AM
My mom sat on the floor and started reading a book or playing with a toy until our youngest came to investigate. She has even sat there eating small cookies until the LO came over...
But why don't you just have your BFF watch her when you go into labor?
by Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:01 AM
Have you tried leaving her with them for more then a few minutes to see what happens? To see if its a show and she calms down.
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by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 4:25 PM
I agree with the other posters that said try mini outings for an hour or two where she is alone with one set of grandparents also more exposure with each grandparent will help. My youngest is doing this right now and it can be frustrating unfortunately it is very common and normal.
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