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Toddlers & Preschoolers Toddlers & Preschoolers

Always wanting help?

Posted by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 1:08 PM
  • 11 Replies

So DD1 is nearly 4 and enjoys drawing, painting, etc!

Today she wanted to make a Valentine's Day card for DH and decided she wanted to do a fish. She asked if I would help, but I'm a bit busy with DD2 so I said I couldn't and she then pitched a fit saying she couldn't do it by herself. I told her I would help her write her name when it was done drying and her sister was done nursing, and she stormed off crying she couldn't do it by herself.

She does this a lot...saying she can't do something by herself and wants me to help. Most of the time I'll help, just to humor her and I figure if she watches me, she'll eventually get it, but she shouldn't need my help to do her art, correct? I keep telling her when she goes off to kindergarten next year, I won't be able to come with her and help her with every art project she wants to do so she needs to at least TRY on her own.

Am I wrong for this? Does anyone else's LO do this? Help!

by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 1:08 PM
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Replies (1-10):
CreziaMommyTo2
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 1:12 PM

considering your DD2 is nursing i am going to assume she is still very young within a few months old.

i am thinking, DD1 is feeling neglected because of DD2.

it's NOT that you couldnt, but by telling your DD, i cant do this because of your sister, is wrong on so many levels, let her know i will help you in a min.

maybe you are treating your DD1 like she doesnt exist anymore and focusing all your attention to DD2?

sounds like it the way you wrote out your post.

you treat and do what you want with your kids, but  certainly do NOT agree, shoving one child off because you popped out another

robibuni
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 1:18 PM
2 moms liked this

WTF?

I'm not even going to say anything else.


Quoting CreziaMommyTo2:

considering your DD2 is nursing i am going to assume she is still very young within a few months old.

i am thinking, DD1 is feeling neglected because of DD2.

it's NOT that you couldnt, but by telling your DD, i cant do this because of your sister, is wrong on so many levels, let her know i will help you in a min.

maybe you are treating your DD1 like she doesnt exist anymore and focusing all your attention to DD2?

sounds like it the way you wrote out your post.

you treat and do what you want with your kids, but  certainly do NOT agree, shoving one child off because you popped out another



mariesmama
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 1:20 PM

my dd is 3 and she can completely dress herself but wants moms help all the time

bnsellis
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 1:23 PM
She just wants you to play with her.
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laughnchica
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 1:23 PM

I have a 3 1/2 year old and she says she can't ALL the time. Drives me crazy because I know she can and I don't want her to feel like she can't do anything and always doubting herself. Usually I make her at least try by herself first and if she REALLY "can't" do it, I will help.

It might be an attachment thing as in she is attached to you and so saying she "can't" do something makes it that you "have" to do something for her aka more attention.

robibuni
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 1:25 PM

I completely understand, and I do play with her quite often. Just the other day we were painting together while DD2 was having lunch :)

My issue with her is the "I can't". She says "I can't do it!!" a lot, and won't even try something before giving up.


Quoting bnsellis:

She just wants you to play with her.



robibuni
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 1:26 PM

This sounds about right.

She's ALWAYS been this way and it seems like her favorite thing to say is "I can't!", before even TRYING. It's frustrating. I want her to be confident in herself and at least try something before deciding if she needs help or not.


Quoting laughnchica:

I have a 3 1/2 year old and she says she can't ALL the time. Drives me crazy because I know she can and I don't want her to feel like she can't do anything and always doubting herself. Usually I make her at least try by herself first and if she REALLY "can't" do it, I will help.

It might be an attachment thing as in she is attached to you and so saying she "can't" do something makes it that you "have" to do something for her aka more attention.



bnsellis
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 1:29 PM
I wonder if there is a book you could read together that addresses the "can't" issue? You know one that disguises the lesson in a cute story :) And then when she starts trying more often give her extra praise for it.


Quoting robibuni:

I completely understand, and I do play with her quite often. Just the other day we were painting together while DD2 was having lunch :)

My issue with her is the "I can't". She says "I can't do it!!" a lot, and won't even try something before giving up.



Quoting bnsellis:

She just wants you to play with her.





Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
laughnchica
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 1:30 PM

That is pretty much how mine is. It makes me feel like I am somehow caused her to feel like she can't do anything =/

I usually tell her that she can and have try and then, when she does, give her praise and tell her "see you CAN do it!"

Quoting robibuni:

This sounds about right.

She's ALWAYS been this way and it seems like her favorite thing to say is "I can't!", before even TRYING. It's frustrating. I want her to be confident in herself and at least try something before deciding if she needs help or not.


Quoting laughnchica:

I have a 3 1/2 year old and she says she can't ALL the time. Drives me crazy because I know she can and I don't want her to feel like she can't do anything and always doubting herself. Usually I make her at least try by herself first and if she REALLY "can't" do it, I will help.

It might be an attachment thing as in she is attached to you and so saying she "can't" do something makes it that you "have" to do something for her aka more attention.




robibuni
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 1:32 PM

We certainly DO praise her when she tries. There's a lot of "See?! You're such a big girl!" or "You CAN do it baby! Look what you just did?!" and she'll get so excited and proud of herself. I just wish she was more willing to try initially!

All I can do is continue! Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone!


Quoting laughnchica:

That is pretty much how mine is. It makes me feel like I am somehow caused her to feel like she can't do anything =/

I usually tell her that she can and have try and then, when she does, give her praise and tell her "see you CAN do it!"

Quoting robibuni:

This sounds about right.

She's ALWAYS been this way and it seems like her favorite thing to say is "I can't!", before even TRYING. It's frustrating. I want her to be confident in herself and at least try something before deciding if she needs help or not.


Quoting laughnchica:

I have a 3 1/2 year old and she says she can't ALL the time. Drives me crazy because I know she can and I don't want her to feel like she can't do anything and always doubting herself. Usually I make her at least try by herself first and if she REALLY "can't" do it, I will help.

It might be an attachment thing as in she is attached to you and so saying she "can't" do something makes it that you "have" to do something for her aka more attention.






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