Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Toddlers & Preschoolers Toddlers & Preschoolers

I can't take anymore! obviously I'm doing something wrong.

Posted by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 12:24 PM
  • 62 Replies
I have 3 girls, age 10, 3, and 2. My 3 year old, Cecily, won't listen. Nothing works! Time out, yelling, getting on her level, taking away toys and privileges, etc. She just shuts down if you ask her to do (or stop doing) something. If she wants something and I say no she won't acknowledge my answer and keep asking, yelling and grabbing at me, then when I don't give in it escalates to a screaming tantrum where she still won't listen and often dh or I have to physically restrain her to keep her from hurting herself or little sister.


she and little sister (Elli) are both very advanced verbally and can use their words to tell us what they want or need, and understand everything that we say, so its not a frustration or not understanding thing. She just completely shuts down her hearing or something. She doesn't look at me or even act as though she heard me ask her to do something.


what do I do? I tried everything I've heard that is supposed to work. I can't take much more, I'm on the verge of a breakdown. I am so tired of fighting with her and the screaming tantrums. :(

*eta: what would you do if she was fairly calm but kept saying "mom? Mom? Momma? Mom?" I ask what or yes? Or acknowledge every question but she just keeps repeating mom.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 12:24 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
.Angelica.
by Angie on Feb. 14, 2013 at 12:27 PM

wish I had some advice. My 5 year old likes to act like he didn't hear me and keep asking me for stuff when I tell him no.

corrinacs
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 12:38 PM
1 mom liked this

What you are describing is very common in toddlres, especially advanced ones.  They are using what behavioral analysts call "manipulation".....they are doing it on purpose (I know, sounds harsher than it is).

The best you can do is ignore.  If the problem gets bad enough and you must speak with her, get on her level and FORCE her to look into your eyes.  I also created a "bump" of sorts.  My son HATES it when he gets "bumped".  For us, its a flick.  Not hurtful in anyway, but a note that I'm done with his mess.

Charts also work well.  We have ot complete one for Tae Kwon Do as well.  So, I've added neatness at dinner table and none of this mess (just like you describe).  If he acts out, he doesn't get a smiley and he can't complete his level and graduate.  His choice....he can get bored doing the same things over again LOL.

But one thing you might want to take note of is could this be stemming from boredom frustration? WIth advanced kids, you have to be a step ahead of them at all times.  If she's mastered shapes, then perhaps you should work on patterns, etc.  You have to work all the time to peak thier interest in things :).  Its a hard job (you are almost thankful they are smart.....but at the same time it still comes with its hardships).

Good luck!!!

3cutiebugs
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 12:42 PM
Oh and I forgot to put this in: she will have a tantrum if a certain person doesn't do something, like I turn on Diego and she throws a fit because she wants to turn it on, or she wants her monkey and daddy gets it because he is closer and she will throw it on the floor and make me come in from a different room to hand it to her. Yesterday she screamed for an hour while trying to drag me by my pants because I was cleaning up but she wanted me to stand (not sit) in her room.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
3cutiebugs
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 12:44 PM
Thanks for the ideas :)

Quoting corrinacs:

What you are describing is very common in toddlres, especially advanced ones.  They are using what behavioral analysts call "manipulation".....they are doing it on purpose (I know, sounds harsher than it is).

The best you can do is ignore.  If the problem gets bad enough and you must speak with her, get on her level and FORCE her to look into your eyes.  I also created a "bump" of sorts.  My son HATES it when he gets "bumped".  For us, its a flick.  Not hurtful in anyway, but a note that I'm done with his mess.

Charts also work well.  We have ot complete one for Tae Kwon Do as well.  So, I've added neatness at dinner table and none of this mess (just like you describe).  If he acts out, he doesn't get a smiley and he can't complete his level and graduate.  His choice....he can get bored doing the same things over again LOL.

But one thing you might want to take note of is could this be stemming from boredom frustration? WIth advanced kids, you have to be a step ahead of them at all times.  If she's mastered shapes, then perhaps you should work on patterns, etc.  You have to work all the time to peak thier interest in things :).  Its a hard job (you are almost thankful they are smart.....but at the same time it still comes with its hardships).

Good luck!!!

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
slrsgirl
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 2:14 PM

My 2 year old son acts like that I think (If I am understanding it completely). We just ignore the tantrum part of it. Praise her when she does good things and ignore when she does not if it seems to be a fight for attention. I hope that it is just the 'terrible twos' and that it is just and phase and will go away. A lot of parents have said the terrible twos are actually terrible threes...

3cutiebugs
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 5:09 PM
Yeah, we didn't have terrible twos with Cecily, but this started literally a few days before she turned 3.

Quoting slrsgirl:

My 2 year old son acts like that I think (If I am understanding it completely). We just ignore the tantrum part of it. Praise her when she does good things and ignore when she does not if it seems to be a fight for attention. I hope that it is just the 'terrible twos' and that it is just and phase and will go away. A lot of parents have said the terrible twos are actually terrible threes...

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Seximama23
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 5:17 PM
1 mom liked this
My 4.5 year old acts like this. He will throw himself on the floor and scream and yell if I "dont listen" to him. He is in this stage that manners dont exsist outside of school and that he thinks it should.be okay he tells me to "GET ME MY JUICE NOW!" I wont stand for it, I get frustrated yes...but I walk away turn on music.

We take tv, game pads, and toys away. He has to earn them.back on good behaviour for an ENTIRE day. If he has one tantrum we go.back to square 1, it has really helped today was the first day in a week where he had a melt down.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
3cutiebugs
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 5:32 PM
I wonder how I could do this without punishing little sister, though. They share all toys and a room.

Quoting Seximama23:

My 4.5 year old acts like this. He will throw himself on the floor and scream and yell if I "dont listen" to him. He is in this stage that manners dont exsist outside of school and that he thinks it should.be okay he tells me to "GET ME MY JUICE NOW!" I wont stand for it, I get frustrated yes...but I walk away turn on music.



We take tv, game pads, and toys away. He has to earn them.back on good behaviour for an ENTIRE day. If he has one tantrum we go.back to square 1, it has really helped today was the first day in a week where he had a melt down.



Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Luvmy2babies22
by Platinum Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 5:34 PM
1 mom liked this

Stop yelling.  You are the adult so no need to yell.  What you say goes, period.  She's too young to really take things away as well.  If you ask her to do something and she doesn't comply, put her in timeout.  If she still doesn't comply after her 3 mins, back to time out.  Again and again until she gets the message that it's just easier to listen the first time.  Same thing if she doesn't listen when you ask her to stop something.  If she asks for something and you say "no" or "later" ignore any other requests.  You've already given her an answer so don't engage and play her game.  If she needs to scream, let her scream.  She's not tantruming because she can't communicate, she's tantruming because she's not in control.  Such is life.  When she calms down, validate her feelings "Honey, I understand you were frustrated because Mommy wouldn't let you have that cookie.  I told you you could have it after dinner and yelling at me isn't acceptable."  or "I know you wanted to go to the park but it's raining so we'll go again when it's dry and warmer."  Whatever the case may be.

Give her as many choices about things as you can to try to give her some feeling of control and to head off her fits.  My DD is similar.  She's just a very emotional and verbal kid like that.  I don't play games though and refuse to be emotionally terrorized by someone less than 1/2 my size.  You get your answer and then we are done.  Scream if you want but you aren't going to get an audience out of me.  It's taking time but now that she's 3 1/2 she's calming down a lot.  It's just taken a lot of patience and consistency. 

MrsSufi
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 5:39 PM
3 moms liked this

Just want to point out that when we as adults get frustrated and scream/yell we are in fact teaching our children that it is ok to scream/yell when they are frustrated.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)