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Toddlers & Preschoolers Toddlers & Preschoolers

I can't take anymore! obviously I'm doing something wrong.

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I have 3 girls, age 10, 3, and 2. My 3 year old, Cecily, won't listen. Nothing works! Time out, yelling, getting on her level, taking away toys and privileges, etc. She just shuts down if you ask her to do (or stop doing) something. If she wants something and I say no she won't acknowledge my answer and keep asking, yelling and grabbing at me, then when I don't give in it escalates to a screaming tantrum where she still won't listen and often dh or I have to physically restrain her to keep her from hurting herself or little sister.


she and little sister (Elli) are both very advanced verbally and can use their words to tell us what they want or need, and understand everything that we say, so its not a frustration or not understanding thing. She just completely shuts down her hearing or something. She doesn't look at me or even act as though she heard me ask her to do something.


what do I do? I tried everything I've heard that is supposed to work. I can't take much more, I'm on the verge of a breakdown. I am so tired of fighting with her and the screaming tantrums. :(

*eta: what would you do if she was fairly calm but kept saying "mom? Mom? Momma? Mom?" I ask what or yes? Or acknowledge every question but she just keeps repeating mom.
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by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 12:24 PM
Replies (31-40):
LoveonHollySt
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 9:50 AM

My Dh and I send our 3 yo DD to her rm after a smack on the butt (consequence for disrespecting us) when she does that.  We also have a 1 yo son who she likes to boss around when she is in trouble.  We gate her in with a baby gate and shut the door.  She can scream and kick and punch whatever in there as long as she doesn't break anything.  When she cools off the time out begins.  After a 5min time out one of us goes in and talks to her (her on her bed and us on the floor) in an even tone.  If she does it again, she spends more time in her rm.  It is not fun being by yourself for a few hours at a time bc you cannot behave properly.  Eventually she gets it.  Meanwhile we tune her out but keep an ear open for anything that sounds too destructive.  

Junebaby18
by Nannerz on Feb. 15, 2013 at 11:27 AM
Is dad helping with the discipline at all when he's home in the evenings and on weekends? He needs to help back up whatever you are doing during the day.
DeeDee205
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 12:24 PM

Oh my gosh!  So happy I'm not alone in this.  You have just described my daughter.  When I try to discipline her or talk to her about something she doesn't want to hear, she closes her eyes and turns her head away.  Eventually it all leads to major meltdown tantrum.  I'm gonna keep my eye on these answers to see if I can get some help here too.

3cutiebugs
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 12:35 PM
He does help. He's not as patient as I am and usually within 15 minutes will get fed up and sit and hold her in "daddy time out" until she calms down, but we are definitely on the same page as to what is appropriate behavior.

Quoting Junebaby18:

Is dad helping with the discipline at all when he's home in the evenings and on weekends? He needs to help back up whatever you are doing during the day.
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JW0618
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 12:54 PM

Is your 3 year old getting enough sleep? I know that a tired child can act ridiculous!! When my 20 month old starts acting up, it is almost always because he is tired! Even going to bed 30 minutes to an hour later can bring this on.

Laulaulu321
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 1:07 PM
This is not my post but I like the chart idea. I potty trained him using a sticker chart... Why not do it for behavior too


Quoting corrinacs:

What you are describing is very common in toddlres, especially advanced ones.  They are using what behavioral analysts call "manipulation".....they are doing it on purpose (I know, sounds harsher than it is).

The best you can do is ignore.  If the problem gets bad enough and you must speak with her, get on her level and FORCE her to look into your eyes.  I also created a "bump" of sorts.  My son HATES it when he gets "bumped".  For us, its a flick.  Not hurtful in anyway, but a note that I'm done with his mess.

Charts also work well.  We have ot complete one for Tae Kwon Do as well.  So, I've added neatness at dinner table and none of this mess (just like you describe).  If he acts out, he doesn't get a smiley and he can't complete his level and graduate.  His choice....he can get bored doing the same things over again LOL.

But one thing you might want to take note of is could this be stemming from boredom frustration? WIth advanced kids, you have to be a step ahead of them at all times.  If she's mastered shapes, then perhaps you should work on patterns, etc.  You have to work all the time to peak thier interest in things :).  Its a hard job (you are almost thankful they are smart.....but at the same time it still comes with its hardships).

Good luck!!!


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corrinacs
by Platinum Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 1:25 PM
1 mom liked this

Oh man, charts are for everything in my house LOL.  Peeing IN the toilet vs all over it, cleaning up after himself, no more whining, you name it :).


Quoting Laulaulu321:

This is not my post but I like the chart idea. I potty trained him using a sticker chart... Why not do it for behavior too


Quoting corrinacs:

What you are describing is very common in toddlres, especially advanced ones.  They are using what behavioral analysts call "manipulation".....they are doing it on purpose (I know, sounds harsher than it is).

The best you can do is ignore.  If the problem gets bad enough and you must speak with her, get on her level and FORCE her to look into your eyes.  I also created a "bump" of sorts.  My son HATES it when he gets "bumped".  For us, its a flick.  Not hurtful in anyway, but a note that I'm done with his mess.

Charts also work well.  We have ot complete one for Tae Kwon Do as well.  So, I've added neatness at dinner table and none of this mess (just like you describe).  If he acts out, he doesn't get a smiley and he can't complete his level and graduate.  His choice....he can get bored doing the same things over again LOL.

But one thing you might want to take note of is could this be stemming from boredom frustration? WIth advanced kids, you have to be a step ahead of them at all times.  If she's mastered shapes, then perhaps you should work on patterns, etc.  You have to work all the time to peak thier interest in things :).  Its a hard job (you are almost thankful they are smart.....but at the same time it still comes with its hardships).

Good luck!!!





3cutiebugs
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 1:27 PM
How are you doing the charts? I tried a good girl sticker chart but Cecily could care less about stickers 😣

Quoting corrinacs:

Oh man, charts are for everything in my house LOL.  Peeing IN the toilet vs all over it, cleaning up after himself, no more whining, you name it :).



Quoting Laulaulu321:

This is not my post but I like the chart idea. I potty trained him using a sticker chart... Why not do it for behavior too





Quoting corrinacs:

What you are describing is very common in toddlres, especially advanced ones.  They are using what behavioral analysts call "manipulation".....they are doing it on purpose (I know, sounds harsher than it is).

The best you can do is ignore.  If the problem gets bad enough and you must speak with her, get on her level and FORCE her to look into your eyes.  I also created a "bump" of sorts.  My son HATES it when he gets "bumped".  For us, its a flick.  Not hurtful in anyway, but a note that I'm done with his mess.

Charts also work well.  We have ot complete one for Tae Kwon Do as well.  So, I've added neatness at dinner table and none of this mess (just like you describe).  If he acts out, he doesn't get a smiley and he can't complete his level and graduate.  His choice....he can get bored doing the same things over again LOL.

But one thing you might want to take note of is could this be stemming from boredom frustration? WIth advanced kids, you have to be a step ahead of them at all times.  If she's mastered shapes, then perhaps you should work on patterns, etc.  You have to work all the time to peak thier interest in things :).  Its a hard job (you are almost thankful they are smart.....but at the same time it still comes with its hardships).

Good luck!!!






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Mom2wife1
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 1:38 PM

When you find out let me know! My 3 year old acts the same way! I often feel like I'm doing something wrong after I have tried everything and end up getting pissed and yelling, I feel horrible!

AJnEsMama
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 1:41 PM


This and your post sounds like  my dd. Shew only lets her dad take her out her carseat and things like that or says only mommy can do this. I'm happy to know it sounds like it is normal. I think the ideas that corrineacs said are good. My 15 month old and 3 year old are advanced verbally too and in other ways. So it is frustrating when my 3 year screams or yells instead of "using her words" like we tell her too. Maybe they need more challenges. I think they need a lot of attention and to learn and do new things but is it hard when you have to get things done or they do it in public. It is the worst. I think it is also them wanting to feel in control since in many ways they feel they don't have any control over anything. The funny thing is to parents it feels like the kids control and dictate everything ; ). I am hoping it will get better when she starts school. Maybe if you could get a break away from the kids it might help a little? I find trying to get dd to help me with chores or reading to her helps sometimes when she acts out. If she is really upset I just ignore her, put her in time out or hold her depending on the situation until she calms down.

Quoting 3cutiebugs:

Oh and I forgot to put this in: she will have a tantrum if a certain person doesn't do something, like I turn on Diego and she throws a fit because she wants to turn it on, or she wants her monkey and daddy gets it because he is closer and she will throw it on the floor and make me come in from a different room to hand it to her. Yesterday she screamed for an hour while trying to drag me by my pants because I was cleaning up but she wanted me to stand (not sit) in her room.



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