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Toddlers & Preschoolers Toddlers & Preschoolers

I can't take anymore! obviously I'm doing something wrong.

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I have 3 girls, age 10, 3, and 2. My 3 year old, Cecily, won't listen. Nothing works! Time out, yelling, getting on her level, taking away toys and privileges, etc. She just shuts down if you ask her to do (or stop doing) something. If she wants something and I say no she won't acknowledge my answer and keep asking, yelling and grabbing at me, then when I don't give in it escalates to a screaming tantrum where she still won't listen and often dh or I have to physically restrain her to keep her from hurting herself or little sister.


she and little sister (Elli) are both very advanced verbally and can use their words to tell us what they want or need, and understand everything that we say, so its not a frustration or not understanding thing. She just completely shuts down her hearing or something. She doesn't look at me or even act as though she heard me ask her to do something.


what do I do? I tried everything I've heard that is supposed to work. I can't take much more, I'm on the verge of a breakdown. I am so tired of fighting with her and the screaming tantrums. :(

*eta: what would you do if she was fairly calm but kept saying "mom? Mom? Momma? Mom?" I ask what or yes? Or acknowledge every question but she just keeps repeating mom.
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by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 12:24 PM
Replies (41-50):
AJnEsMama
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 1:45 PM


My 3 year old dd won't stop trying to boss around our 1 year old ds too. Sometimes she will physically do it too like push him or be rough etc. I hope she outgrows it. It feels like we have to constantly put her in time out or tell her to stop. Other times she is so loving towards him. But now he is starting to mess with her or take things from her too. 

Quoting LoveonHollySt:

My Dh and I send our 3 yo DD to her rm after a smack on the butt (consequence for disrespecting us) when she does that.  We also have a 1 yo son who she likes to boss around when she is in trouble.  We gate her in with a baby gate and shut the door.  She can scream and kick and punch whatever in there as long as she doesn't break anything.  When she cools off the time out begins.  After a 5min time out one of us goes in and talks to her (her on her bed and us on the floor) in an even tone.  If she does it again, she spends more time in her rm.  It is not fun being by yourself for a few hours at a time bc you cannot behave properly.  Eventually she gets it.  Meanwhile we tune her out but keep an ear open for anything that sounds too destructive.  



kflemino22
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 2:09 PM
1 mom liked this

Biggest thing you can do with any toddler that tantrums is ignore the bad behavior and DON'T play into it.  If she drops something and screams for you to pick it up...walk away so she has to.  If you ask her not to do something and she doesn't listen.  Let her face the consequences of that action, whatever that might be.  The other biggest thing is to PRAISE, PRAISE, PRAISE the good behavior.  When the bad behavior is ignored and the good behavior is praised (even VERY minor things such as picking something up or not getting upset when you turn on the tv) then she will learn that she gets attention for the good behavior and nothing comes of the bad behavior. Losing your cool will only teach her that she is getting attention and in turn she will lose her cool if she doesn't like something as she thinks that is okay behavior if you do it.

lisahappymom
by Bronze Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 9:45 PM

I too have moments when I thought my DD (age 3) was not capable of being calm and listening until I saw her at daycare.  She listens and helps all the time, and I was shocked!  I haven't found the magic formula to get her to listen at home, but I have found that walking away works.  It helps to keep me from saying something I regret, and it takes away the reinforcement of the attention she gets.

I have also heard that yoga for kids can help.  Maybe investing in a yoga for kids video that you could all do together would be helpful?  I wish you all the best. 

Never forget that you're a good mom!!!  

Sigmalade
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 10:07 PM

Take her out on a date, just you two then talk to her. It is a phrase and it will leave, you just have to hold on!!

KRIZZ25
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i wish my heart would just stop.
Wednesday at 7:04 PM
by Bronze Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 10:10 PM
maybie wen she acts up pay her no attention/act like u dont her .do what shes does to u back to her..she sounds real smart.u will have to thank out side the box wth this one..i would tell her i rember what ur doing ..and one day wen she wont's something special say do u rember the other day wen i sayed or did what ever well scene u acted up u dont get what u wont/.
la_bella_vita
by Bella on Feb. 15, 2013 at 11:23 PM

 Bump

debramommyof4
by on Feb. 16, 2013 at 1:36 AM

 My 7 year old recently started acting like your describing and my 6, 4 and 2 year olds are following suite.  I have started ignoring it completely. 

My dd 7 gets time in her room when she is having a hard day to read or sleep or play with her barbies if she wants by herself.  This is a calm down and start over time for her. 

But today when I asked she threw herself on the floor and started screaming.  I told her in a calm voice you have a choice go to your room and calm down or stand on my wall.  If you continue to act like this then I will put you on the wall.  She did not stop so on the wall she went. 

Our  time outs are 1 min per year of kids age but it does not start till they are still and quite. 

She did Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Momma, Mommy.  I ignored it.  She was on the wall for a good 30 min. before she decided to do her time out.  She tried pacing on the wall where she was doing her time out.  She tried to talk to me.  She did it all. But I kept with it and it worked.

My 2 and 6 year old ignore me so I just get on to them and make them stand in time outs.

My 4 year old has recently decided to throw temper tantrums.  So my house is in chaos but it will calm back down. 

If you stick with it and keep everything the same rules wise they will eventually calm down.  Good luck.

want10more
by New Member on Feb. 16, 2013 at 2:40 AM

my kid always had screaming tantrums. once at walmart he screamed so huge they sent out an employee to see if i was beating the crap outta him. (she ended up gettin a giggle... i said, boy u almost have to admire his sticktoitiveness doncha? heh)  i always made him sit in my lap. he'd yell scream kick, boy u name it. i was like, child, walmart's open 24 hrs, i can sit all day. when he'd seem to calm down, i'd say, are u ready to calm down? most often he'd say NO I NOT! and there we'd go again. but. i kept w/ it. and he too would say MOM! MOM! MOM! over and over. finally i said, u can call for me once. after that i don't hear u. and i didn't. kick scream fall on the floor kicking, boy i just didn't SEE it. she's trying to get u to jump. don't jump. say i already asked u what u wanted. now i don't hear u. and when she's in ur lap have this whole do-dee-do-dee-do type expression on ur face. like. lah dee dah i don't hear uuuuuuuuu.

msjoecool
by Crissy on Feb. 16, 2013 at 10:05 AM
Sound like DD1, five. She's diagnosed with ADHD, sensory and auditory disorders, mood disorder, and a host of developmental delays.
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msjoecool
by Crissy on Feb. 16, 2013 at 10:08 AM
Home is her safe place. She knows that you love her and have to put up with her antics. We don't have to like the antics, but home is still the safe place. It really is hard civilizing the savages. ;-)

Quoting lisahappymom:

I too have moments when I thought my DD (age 3) was not capable of being calm and listening until I saw her at daycare.  She listens and helps all the time, and I was shocked!  I haven't found the magic formula to get her to listen at home, but I have found that walking away works.  It helps to keep me from saying something I regret, and it takes away the reinforcement of the attention she gets.

I have also heard that yoga for kids can help.  Maybe investing in a yoga for kids video that you could all do together would be helpful?  I wish you all the best. 

Never forget that you're a good mom!!!  

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