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Toddlers & Preschoolers Toddlers & Preschoolers

"Are you sure he's not too fat?"

Posted by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 5:44 PM
  • 16 Replies

My future mother in law asks us if we're "sure he's not too fat" every time she sees our son. She also makes comments about how he's "such a good size. not too big." My fiance laughs it off, but it really bothers me. My relationship with her is strained at best. We walk on eggshells with her, or she throws a tantrum. In the past, when she's told she's wrong or doesn't get her way, it's become a drawn out battle with lots of unnecessary drama. 

I grew up with an eating disorder, and my mother has one as well. We're both recovered, and we've decided that the cycle ends with us. So we know first hand what kind of effect those kinds of comments can have when a child hears them constantly from the people they love as they're growing up. 

What kind of body image is my son going to have for himself if he keeps hearing his grandmother ask if his parents are SURE he's not TOO fat?! I don't want our perfectly fine son growing up thinking that he can't get too big or he won't be a good size. He's 12 months old. Why in the world is she so obsessed with the idea of him being fat when he's so young?

And he's not even a pudgy kid. He wasn't a rolly polly baby. No overly pudgy cheeks (though I think those are adorable on little kids), he doesn't have pudgy legs or arms. The doctor has always said he's fine. He's a lean, highly active child.  

Does anybody else have these issues, particularly with in laws or relatives with whom they have a strained relationship? How did you handle it?

by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 5:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Mama-Doe
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 6:54 PM

UGH!  I am not a fan of my in-laws either. They just get on my nerves sometimes--that's what in-laws do! Hopefully you can instill a positive self-image in your son despite what you MIL says or does.  If she continues to question you, I'd say something.  So, she throws a fit, what's more imporant your kid's self image or her feelings!

.Angelica.
by Angie on Feb. 18, 2013 at 7:14 PM

i don't have this issue. here's a bump

PEEK05
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 7:36 PM

My MIL used to say stupid stuff like that about my daughter, who is completely average (always between 40-60%).

Luvmy2babies22
by Platinum Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 8:12 PM

My son was a FAT baby!  I didn't recognize it at the time but when I look back at photos I'm shocked at how pudgy he was!  By 3 years old he sprouted up and thinned out.   He's 6 now and his weight has always been toward the top of the charts but he's solid.  Not a role of fat on him.

With that said, my FIL made a comment once when my son was a little under 1.  We were at a restaurant and my son had his bottle (8oz maybe).  He drank it and my FIL laughed and called him a "porker" or something because he thought my son drank it really fast.  I was PISSED but kept my mouth shut.  I told hubby in the car that if a comment ever gets made like that again his dad and I were going to have some words.  Boys are not immune from body issues and I wasn't going to allow someone to speak to my child that way.  Thankfully, it never happened again.

ArtsyMama87
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 10:50 PM

I think this is going to be an on going issue for us. Right before we switched him from formula to milk she was very upset, because we told her he was going to be drinking whole milk. She tried to talk us into skim. And I quote "But whole milk makes babies FAT!"

Denisethedaring
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 10:53 PM

My ex-MIL harrassed my husband and his sister about their weight their whole lives...she didn't say a word around me about my children, though, and a good thing for her, too.  Heh, now that I think about it, that may be WHY she never did. :D

Luvmy2babies22
by Platinum Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 10:54 PM

 oh, i feel for you!  just let her know that the FAT is why the baby needs the whole milk.  inform her that the FAT is for the child's brain growth so, you can take her advice to the detriment of your child's development or go with the experts on this one... 

you may have to have her son have a talk with her if the comments get out of control.

my MIL started out with a ton of advice but after most of it either went unheeded OR our decisions were completely opposite what she said, she got the hint to keep it to herself :)


Quoting ArtsyMama87:

I think this is going to be an on going issue for us. Right before we switched him from formula to milk she was very upset, because we told her he was going to be drinking whole milk. She tried to talk us into skim. And I quote "But whole milk makes babies FAT!"


 

ArtsyMama87
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 11:36 PM

Oh I did. Or at least I tried. I don't think she understood the concept. We couldn't seem to explain to her why he still needed bottles when he started eating baby food purees either.

I just get so frustrated! 


 "oh, i feel for you!  just let her know that the FAT is why the baby needs the whole milk.  inform her that the FAT is for the child's brain growth so, you can take her advice to the detriment of your child's development or go with the experts on this one... 

you may have to have her son have a talk with her if the comments get out of control.

my MIL started out with a ton of advice but after most of it either went unheeded OR our decisions were completely opposite what she said, she got the hint to keep it to herself :)


Quoting ArtsyMama87:

I think this is going to be an on going issue for us. Right before we switched him from formula to milk she was very upset, because we told her he was going to be drinking whole milk. She tried to talk us into skim. And I quote "But whole milk makes babies FAT!"





ardiaxe
by Bronze Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 11:41 PM

My MIL would always make comments about how thin my son was. Everytime she saw him she would say he lost weight.  Made me feel like I was starving my baby.  It's so disturbing when relatives say things that are so hurtful.  

ArtsyMama87
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 12:17 AM

I'm sure it's just as bad regardless of whether they're saying our kids are too fat or too thin! My niece has always been thin. Her pediatrician used to make my brother's ex wife cry at her well baby check ups over how tiny she was. Anyone who took one look at her mom could see why she was little - she's petite just like her mama. 

Quoting ardiaxe:

My MIL would always make comments about how thin my son was. Everytime she saw him she would say he lost weight.  Made me feel like I was starving my baby.  It's so disturbing when relatives say things that are so hurtful.  



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