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Toddlers & Preschoolers Toddlers & Preschoolers

Toddler temper tantrum HELP!

Posted by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 11:07 AM
  • 14 Replies

Ok, so I am new to this group and new to this temper trantrum bit.

My son will be 2 in July and I think he has hit his terrible 2's at a very early age.

He can be very VERY stubborn and hard headed and has OUTRAGEOUS temper tantrums. I am not sure how to handle them. Do I walk away and let him thrash and throw himself around and scream or do I try to confort him and pick him up? I have tried picking him up and he hits and bangs his head at me. It is very frustraing because I feel like it ruins his entire day! 

Also, how do you console a temper tantrum in public without having the urge to scream and throw a temper tantrum too! 

This is so frustrating!!! 

by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 11:07 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Luvmy2babies22
by Platinum Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 11:54 AM
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My son went thru a 5 week phase like that at 18 months.  It passed and he was totally fine until about 3 1/2.

Personally, I don't give attention to temper tantrums.  I ignore them completely until the child is ready to calm down.  My kids don't typically thrash around too much, they more just scream and cry.  On the few occassions where they want to throw something, I put them in their rooms.  Otherwise, I just walk away.  When they are done and ready to speak to me calmly I validate their feelings of frustration but explain that the tantrum was not going to get them what they wanted.

In public, pick him up and take him to the car.  Strap him in his seat, close the door and stand outside until he's ready to calm down.  If you can resume your business after that, great.  If not, take him home. 

Tantrums are a normal part of being a toddler.  Generally stemmed from frustration about being told to stop doing something OR from lack of language skills or a combo.  Other times they are attention seeking but if you never give them attention for a tantrum, they generally find other obnoxious things to do for that!

As with everything, consistency is key.

collinsmommy0
by Silver Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 12:06 PM
Find out why he is having them then stop them before it happens. My toddler (2 in April) was having then a few weeks ago. They were due to him being frustrated with a task. I taught him how to say 'help' & then help him when he needs it. The tantrums decreased pretty quickly.

In public, make sure he has food, water, and isn't cranky (near nap time). I find if I bring something (a toy) and a snack DS is pretty happy in stores.
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80sgirl72
by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 12:16 PM

I have the same issues with my 2 1/2 yr old DD. she started around 18m too. When I am at home or not in a rush I just walk away and ignore it and  let her get it out and then go back to her when she has calmed down. The thing I am STILL struggling with is when we are not at home (like at the grocery store) or if I am on a deadline to get somewhere that I can't just wait until the tantrum passes. She will straighten herself out like a board so I can't get her in the carseat or she will hold her arms straight up in the air, so she falls through my grip trying to pick her up. She is a little bugger.

ChristinaDuff
by New Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 2:14 PM

thank you everyone all these posts were so helpful i will have to try this and see if it will give some relief.

80sgirl72 i know your pain....it is ALL so familiar :)

PEEK05
by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 6:58 PM

Hi, welcome to the group. :)

I have not had to deal with temper tantrums so I don't have any good advice but here is a bump and a good luck.

INLUVWMTHRHOOD
by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 10:58 PM

I am going through this with my 2 1/2 little boy. He is beyond stubborn and throws fits like there is no tomorrow. I have to handle it depending on what he is upset about. If he is crying because he wants something he can't have then I try to offer something else. If that doesn't work then I just tell him no and walk away. Even when he is throwing himself at me I just completely ignore him and go about my business. Eventually he will just move on from it. As crazy as it makes me hearing him scream and cry I know I have to do it. When he gets really bad I put him in his room and put the baby gate up and walk away. He screams and hollers for a few then says, "Mommy, I all done now." Lol.  I know it's hard but you will get  through it. Just have to be strong and CONSISTENT. I hope I can make it as well. Good luck!! :)

ChristinaDuff
by New Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 9:08 AM
It feels much better knowing I'm not alone. :) thank you inluvmthrhood :)
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Mom2hjs
by New Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 9:16 AM

And this is what scared me about having a second child. Because my DD has been really good so far, except for her occasional whinning which drives me nuts! But for the most part she is a really good happy little girl. And you know what they say, if the first one was good that second one is gonna be troouble! 

ejsmom4604
by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 9:17 AM
1 mom liked this

That is a normal age for them to start happening. Most times they are the result of not being able to express themselves verbally. 

The philosophy I personally follow, is they are more than welcome to have a tantrum, but I don't have to listen to it. At that age, I would put the child somewhere safe (playpen, crib, something like that), tell they child you understand they are upest/angry/frustrated (whatever the emotion is), but "I will not listen to a tantrum" and walk away and let them get it out. Usually they are good to go in a few minutes. By walking away and they can't see you, that means they do not have an audience. 

In public, I would say a bit more louder than normal, that "I understand you are mad at me for not getting xyz, but screaming and yelling will not get me to change my mind" then I ignore and continue shopping. I am of the belief that I am there when I can be there, and not for the convience of other peoples lives, so I will continue to shop. By the way, my 22 month old is like that, and this is what I did for my 8 year old. He learned very early on that tantrums don't embarass me, and don't get him anything. 

Good luck, they are hard to deal with. 

Shelly126
by Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 9:49 PM
1 mom liked this
Quoting ejsmom4604:

That is a normal age for them to start happening. Most times they are the result of not being able to express themselves verbally. 

The philosophy I personally follow, is they are more than welcome to have a tantrum, but I don't have to listen to it. At that age, I would put the child somewhere safe (playpen, crib, something like that), tell they child you understand they are upest/angry/frustrated (whatever the emotion is), but "I will not listen to a tantrum" and walk away and let them get it out. Usually they are good to go in a few minutes. By walking away and they can't see you, that means they do not have an audience. 

In public, I would say a bit more louder than normal, that "I understand you are mad at me for not getting xyz, but screaming and yelling will not get me to change my mind" then I ignore and continue shopping. I am of the belief that I am there when I can be there, and not for the convience of other peoples lives, so I will continue to shop. By the way, my 22 month old is like that, and this is what I did for my 8 year old. He learned very early on that tantrums don't embarass me, and don't get him anything. 

Good luck, they are hard to deal with. 


i really admire you! I have to say temper tantrums embarrass the heck out of me and I end up just leaving wherever we are and head back home. I have twin 26 month old boys and their tantrums seemed mild @ around the 18-24 month mark but the last month man have they been a real PITA! They don't really thrash around and throw themselves (hopefully wont start that!) but they really can scream and cry loud, one sets off the other and then they start to fight with each other! Uuggh! I really have had to literally stop and take a few deep breaths myself before dealing with them because I feel like I want to have a tantrum too LOL when we are home I ignore them until they start to yell over each other, it becomes a competition and then they start to push each other a little bit, then I go over and calmly (this took practice) tell them pushing and fighting is not nice and not acceptable and put them in time out somewhere safe.......pack n play usually and stay in site but going about my business ignoring them. When we are out I just wish I could get over it and not feel so awekward and head home so quickly! I usually keep snacks and water with me which sometimes works.
Boy they weren't kidding when they named it terrible 2's though! And 2 @ the same time going through it is a bit mind numbing to say the least! Haha
Thanks ladies for the advise!
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