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Toddlers & Preschoolers Toddlers & Preschoolers

Overcompensating? PIOG

Posted by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 1:11 AM
  • 40 Replies
1 mom liked this

 

Poll

Question: Am I overcompensating?

Options:

Yes! stop trying so hard!

No! you do what you can.

No you're doing your job.


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Total Votes: 100

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My DH says that I am overcompensating for not spending time with my DS. Since DS is in preschool 5 days a week for 5 hours a day I do a lot for his school. I'm class mom. I help with birthday parties and holiday parties (which is kind of in the description of being class mom!). If the teacher says that she needs something for the class or something done I help to supply it or do it. She posts them on a "Giving Tree" on the wall asking all of the parents to contribute.

Recently, she asked for Easter and spring decorations. So I went to the Dollar Tree and got her some.

Then she said she needed Play Doh. I had a bunch that my kids don't use. Apparently every one in my family seems to think that we need it so every birthday/holiday we get 10 or more. So rather than have a bunch go to waste I gave it to her.

When she ran out I mentioned it to DH & he bought some more.

Then she had requested someone take home the paint trays and paint brushes. I left it a WEEK and none of the other parents volunteered, so I took them home and cleaned them.

Then she asked for the dolls to be cleaned. I waited 3 weeks and again NO ONE else volunteered so I did it. I cleaned 10 dolls and repaired 5 of their outfits.

I send her Lysol wipes and spray once a month (more for MY benefit than hers though. LOL. I don't want to get sick.)


So he says that every thing I do for his class is my way to overcompensate and that I do too much. I think that I am jsut doing my job to support his education. Since I'm a SAHM, I see it as time well spent!

by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 1:11 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Luvmy2babies22
by Platinum Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 2:31 AM

I mean yeah, you are super involved but so what?  I don't consider it overcompensating.  It just sounds like the rest of the families aren't as willing to step up...OR maybe at this point there is an assumption that you will step up.  If you are happy to help and do it willingly AND you aren't stretching yourself thin then keep on keepin on.  If you start to feel resentful of doing it all then pull back.

i volunteer as much as I can in my sons K class but I also have a 3 1/2 year old in preschool so I'm juggling that too.  I plan to be as involved as I can.  I'm lucky though, we have an amazing group of parents and tasks get taken immediately and spread out so it isn't just 1 or 2 families doing the lions share.

Wish2Be
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 2:51 AM

You do more than I would, but they are very lucky to have you.

MumsTheWord571
by Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 3:05 AM

I love to do it! I really do. I try to make sure that others have the opportunity to help out too, and the things that I get really don't cost that much if at all. However, just because the other parents won't do it I don't think that the class should go without. I mean really? for the trays I just popped them into the dishwasher. the dolls, I just tossed them in with my regular wash. repairing the clothes took me all of 15 minutes. It doesn't take long, and really, it's simple to do!

IDK. I don't know why he thinks I'm overcompensating. I love to do for the class. Also, I do have my 18 mo DD with me when I do these things too. So the parents with younger siblings could bring them too, but they don't.


Quoting Luvmy2babies22:

I mean yeah, you are super involved but so what?  I don't consider it overcompensating.  It just sounds like the rest of the families aren't as willing to step up...OR maybe at this point there is an assumption that you will step up.  If you are happy to help and do it willingly AND you aren't stretching yourself thin then keep on keepin on.  If you start to feel resentful of doing it all then pull back.

i volunteer as much as I can in my sons K class but I also have a 3 1/2 year old in preschool so I'm juggling that too.  I plan to be as involved as I can.  I'm lucky though, we have an amazing group of parents and tasks get taken immediately and spread out so it isn't just 1 or 2 families doing the lions share.



elasmimi
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 5:37 AM

I do as much as I can for our kindergarten class. If I was physically able to do more, I would. And my dd seems to really love my involvement. As long as you enjoy it, I don't see the problem.

iansmommy9
by Silver Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 7:49 AM
1 mom liked this

I think you do those things because you're committed to your child and his education. My mom was a SAHM and she did a lot of those things. It was pretty cool when you're that little. I work full time and my son goes to daycare 3 days a week and I do all that I can to be involved with whatever's going on at school. (I'm very fortunate to have a position that's flexible most of the time) We've never missed a party of luncheon. As a matter of fact, before scheduling our office Christmas party this year, I made sure I knew when the daycare party was. I told my boss that if I had to pick, I'd have to go to DS's party if it was a day DH was working. It breaks my heart to go into the luncheons and see the kids not have their parents with them. I never want my baby to be that kid. I always over do it with food or whatever they're asking for at school.

It's just my personality to do those things and my husband has learned to not even try to persuade me.

AnnLanders
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 8:42 AM
1 mom liked this

My question is why the school asks for so much.  You're paying them, right?  I understand needing a mom and extra goodies for special occasions and parties, but cleaning paint trays?  

Rushn311
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 9:41 AM

I think what you do is great, as long as you can keep doing it, do it. :)

GwenMB
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 10:07 AM


Quoting AnnLanders:

My question is why the school asks for so much.  You're paying them, right?  I understand needing a mom and extra goodies for special occasions and parties, but cleaning paint trays?  

I agree that they are asking a lot.  Perhaps the teacher is really stretched & can't make sure it gets done herself.  But the cleaning part, esp, seems a bit excessive.

Having said that, I would be volunteering to help if my son's preschool teacher said she needed cleaning stuff done.  I would donate the other things, too, if she said it was needed.  I have donated things when I had something I didn't need but knew she might be able to use.

I do volunteer as much as I can with both of my sons' classes.  I'm in the K class more than the preschool - but part of that is the K class being 5 days a week & the preschool class only 2 days.

I think volunteering as much as you can shows your child that you value their school & education.  Not all parents are able to, but the kids whose parents can do benefit from that.

MumsTheWord571
by Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 11:44 AM
3 moms liked this
It's a private Catholic school, they don't have a lot of money and a lot of parents are on the discounted rates and need the service hours. But they don't do it and wind up owing at the end of the year. Asking for cleaning to be done helps with service hours.

I wait until the parents on the discounted rates have a chance to volunteer, but if they don't it still needs to be done. I donate the hours I do to parents that work full time.

I don't see a problem with helping out the class.


Quoting AnnLanders:

My question is why the school asks for so much.  You're paying them, right?  I understand needing a mom and extra goodies for special occasions and parties, but cleaning paint trays?  


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AnnLanders
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 12:23 PM


Makes sense.  I never considered that the school wasn't rolling in dough.

I pay $1800 a month for one child in a private preschool/kindergarten.  The teachers are well paid and the school makes a killing.  From that scenario, they can clean their own supplies.  Occasionally they will ask for unusual things like empty ethnic food containers, which we're always happy to provide.  


Quoting MumsTheWord571:

It's a private Catholic school, they don't have a lot of money and a lot of parents are on the discounted rates and need the service hours. But they don't do it and wind up owing at the end of the year. Asking for cleaning to be done helps with service hours.

I wait until the parents on the discounted rates have a chance to volunteer, but if they don't it still needs to be done. I donate the hours I do to parents that work full time.

I don't see a problem with helping out the class.


Quoting AnnLanders:

My question is why the school asks for so much.  You're paying them, right?  I understand needing a mom and extra goodies for special occasions and parties, but cleaning paint trays?  




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