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Advice Needed: My four year old is out of control We are...

Posted by on Mar. 22, 2013 at 5:13 PM
  • 14 Replies
My four year old is out of control! We are both stuck in the same house everyday all day long and only rarely go out(shopping or to meet friends and family). Finding things to do and to keep a routine is very hard to do ecspecially since my daughter cannot seem to focus on any one thing for more than 10 minutes at a time if I am lucky. I am running out of ideas and my frustration is getting the best of me. Even when we do go out she is awful, to the point where I would rather not take her anywhere ever again, but I don't have a way to get around it. She is bossy, and pretty mean too. She hits, flails, screams, cries, kicks and bites me. She also never "talks" no matter what she is saying or doing she is always yelling and it's quite frustrating. I have tried what seems to be everything and nothing works! I find myself screaming and yelling because simply talking or getting on her level and explaining just does not work and at the end of the day I feel like a horrible parent. I love my daughter more than anything and I am trying my best to do what I can to make it better for both of us but I don't feel like I am in control anymore! I have tried time out, the corner, putting her in her room, counting and walking away but no matter what she always wins, she has an abnormal capacity to cry and scream and I mean literally for hours, which is way too much for me to handle most days (my days end with migraines alot). I feel horrible for even thinking about it but sometimes I just want to put her in her room and hold the door shut so she can't come out. And she isn't this bad literally all the time it is just most of the time in various ways on different days (except for the yelling, screaming, not listening) which happen probably 6 of 7 days a week. I just don't know what to do anymore! I am literally at my whits end here and I hate myself for it!
by on Mar. 22, 2013 at 5:13 PM
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by on Mar. 22, 2013 at 5:16 PM
sounds to me like u need a baby sitter and night hard wen ur stuck in the house all day ..
by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 12:09 PM
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Wow,I don't know. I would try to get out of the house more. Kids that age can get really wild when they are cooped up in the house all the time.

by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 12:15 PM
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How much interaction has she had with peers? You may want to see if there is a group close by (walking distance) or something where she can go a few hours a day a couple days a week. That will give you each a break from each other, and it will give her a chance to work on social skills. Plus the fact that she is going to need to learn to behave for school in Kindergarten. 

by Silver Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 12:16 PM
I'd definitely get out of the house more. Library story times, a local kids museum/zoo, indoor play areas or parks....we leave the house most days because Ds goes nuts if we are home all the time.

Also, do you take time to teach her how to behave in these situations? Reading books on behaving nicely, role playing games, etc can help.

A reward system may help as well.

And I don't understand how you 'can't have a routine - set up a general routine each morning & stick to it.
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by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 12:20 PM

Yeah, why are you stuck in the house so much? I agree that is probably part of the problem. I think we need a little more info.

by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 8:24 PM

I may have not explained enough in my former post. It's not that we are "stuck" in the house, it is just that it has been a really long winter, my daughter isn't a kid that likes the snow so we are inside alot, I do take her out to the indoor waterparks and pools and tried sledding. We do go out but there are also very few options to do much of anything considering we live in VT in the middle of nowhere. I also don't have my vehicle most of the time because my fiance has it at work and keeping it is just a hassle and it's also a little less money out of pocket for the extra trips in the gas tank.

We do however spend alot of time together, I mean literally every day other than every other Saturday nights when she goes with her grandparents so we do tend to bump heads quite often, she also really does need to be in some type of pre-school or headstart which I already am in the process of getting done but there are long waiting lists for those things. I try to do as many activities as I can with her to keep her busy and from getting bored without turning the tv on or putting her in front of an electronic device because I don't think it's healthy. It really all boils down to her behavior, she is really lovely to be around and I love her more than anything I just am not sure how to discipline her without scarring her for life. She is very bossy and she can be pretty mean also. She has a very big vocabulary and not really any bad words other than a couple which she doesnt say very often anyway. A is very smart and honestly half the time she is smarter than all the adults around her, the way she talks and acts and puts things together, its really indescribable. The problem I feel is that she doesn't take us, her parents and peers seriously....I feel like she is literally in control with her behaviors. Like I said previously she is very hard to take out of the house and into public anyway and when her behavior is bad at home rewarding her with going to a special destination seems counter productive to me. I guess I just need to figure out a way to get her to obey the rules that are set and to behave appropriately in different circumstances but I don't know how or what to do. 

by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 8:33 PM
I have tried libraries, reading and making up games with her but her focus is basically NIL. My daughter basically never walks she is always running, she never just talks she is always yelling even if she is just talking to you it's almost normal but it's not if that makes any sense. We obviously have a routine with getting up, having breakfast and snacks and lunch and dinner but it's the gaps in between that are hard to fill with activities. I have done everything with my child, or what seems to be and she can't focus. From painting to writing to singing to nature walks and puddle jumping all things that she really does enjoy but she won't do for more than 20 minutes max (with the exception of Play-doh which she will play with for over an hour). I honestly just dont know what else I can do with her to keep us both busy so we arent bumping heads all day. What types of role playing games would you suggest?
by Bronze Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 8:38 PM

Put her in preschool this worked with my ds she needs interaction with kids her own age in a school setting she will see the other children listen to the teacher and she will follow their lead it will also help her out with learning school skills and being away from you and give you time alone. Also get her a hand held game like the leap steer explorer it will keep her busy and teach her too my ds loves it !!

by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 9:22 PM

 I would get out of the house more. Find a playgroup. Find out what local events are at your library. Go to the park

by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 10:13 PM

I agree with getting out of the house. Especially outside play as much as possible. Take her to a park, let her run around. Or even mcdonalds. get a dollar burger and water and let her play in the play area. 

One of the best things this winter has been a mini trampoline for the kids to get some energy out. 

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