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Advice for stopping this...

Posted by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 6:40 PM
  • 8 Replies

Type of behavior...

I have a friend, (yes I am posting for her as she doesnt have a computer atm), who's son is 4 yrs old... When he get's disciplined or doesnt get his way, he throws this whiney, screaming tantrum.. In my house, being all wood floors, it's echos and sometimes is ear piercing.. 

Now today she just found out her 2yr old has autism.. Bless her heart but relief because now there is an answer to her concerns...Her and I have googled, and researched and cant seem to find a solid solution to get her son to stop this behavior... 

Do you lovely ladies have any ideas?

PS - We've put him in the corner and he screams, we tried putting him isolated in a room and he screams..

by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 6:40 PM
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Replies (1-8):
Luvmy2babies22
by Platinum Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 6:46 PM
1 mom liked this

who cares if he screams?  sure, it's loud but what harm does it cause?  let him sit there until he calms down.  buy ear plugs for the rest of the house.  he's frustrated and that's how he's venting it.  you can use his calm times to reinforce appropriate behavior.  also validate his frustration AFTER he's calmed down and is ready to talk.  let him know "i understand you are frustrated because _______ but screaming isn't appropriate.  you are a big boy and need to use your words."

another thought, although i'm not familiar with autism, is that maybe it's behavior he's learned from the 2 year old.  i feel like i've heard that autism can cause extreme outbusts in kids and if he's gotten attention for them, maybe the 4 year old thinks that's the way he needs to be "heard".  again, no experience with autism so i may be not even in the ball park but it was a thought :)

DACIA79
by Bronze Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 6:48 PM
My son has high functioning autism (pdd-nos) I treat him the same way as my other kids Ive never accepted his diagnosis as a reason to misbehave or not succeed in anything

Try Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA therapy) to work out those issues she just has to call her insurance the earlier you get therapy the better the outcome.

Good luck
MissyMegs
by Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 6:52 PM


Quoting Luvmy2babies22:

who cares if he screams?  sure, it's loud but what harm does it cause?  let him sit there until he calms down.  buy ear plugs for the rest of the house.  he's frustrated and that's how he's venting it.  you can use his calm times to reinforce appropriate behavior.  also validate his frustration AFTER he's calmed down and is ready to talk.  let him know "i understand you are frustrated because _______ but screaming isn't appropriate.  you are a big boy and need to use your words."

another thought, although i'm not familiar with autism, is that maybe it's behavior he's learned from the 2 year old.  i feel like i've heard that autism can cause extreme outbusts in kids and if he's gotten attention for them, maybe the 4 year old thinks that's the way he needs to be "heard".  again, no experience with autism so i may be not even in the ball park but it was a thought :)

Well it keeps us from getting together cause I honestly don't like to listen to it, and being 10 wks from having my third baby, I will definitely not be tolerating it at all, but because he's not my child, all i do is tell him to stop, and i let her do the rest of the discipline.. 


mommaFruFru
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 7:19 PM
Try more structured fun at your play dates. Or just don't have them till he out grows it. Mr 4.5to was a screamer... He is still very vocal. But it does get better
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HopesNDreams
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 7:36 PM
He will continue to scream as long as it gets him what he wants. They will have to be serious about getting rid of the behavior and above all consustent.

He gets put in a safe corner - no toys, pillows, furniture, etc. Then, he is told when he is quiet he may leave the corner. This may take a while - repeat the statement every 60 seconds or so. Once he stops screaming and can leave, repeat the demand - clean up, for example. This will likely restart the screaming, so back to the corner and start again. It would not be surprising for this to last 45 minutes or longer at first. This same procedure needs to be done EVERY time. If they give in after an hour, for example, they have taught him he can have what he wants if he screams for an hour. It is exhausting, but it works.
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MissyMegs
by Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 7:40 PM

Thanks... Yeah.. She is horrible with being consistant at times.. but I am hoping she will start putting her foot down in which this last visit, during easter, was more enjoyable.. She actually ignored his crying (not screaming) tantrum .... 

Roo1234
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 4:21 PM

Become more tolerant adults.  So I just want to be clear, she has 2 sons (one age 4, one age 2) and the younger one has a diagnoises of autism?

Check out some of the "expert" blogs such as Dr. Laura Markham that are about positive parenting.  

At younger ages (even some older kids) need guidance and parent led tools to help them learn to deal with their frustrations, disappointments and anger in better ways.  Rather than isolating him (which isn't working) work on whispering quietly in his ear that he needs to take a deep breath.  Have him repeat the action until he quiets down and then help him to find the words to express what he is feeling and thinking and help him to find a better way to make his needs and wants known.  Make it clear that a tantrum makes it impossible to give him what he wants, and that even if you say no about something specific, there are other options that might work.   Repeat as often as necessary until he masters the skill.

MissyMegs
by Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 4:36 PM


Quoting Roo1234:

Become more tolerant adults.  So I just want to be clear, she has 2 sons (one age 4, one age 2) and the younger one has a diagnoises of autism?

Check out some of the "expert" blogs such as Dr. Laura Markham that are about positive parenting.  

At younger ages (even some older kids) need guidance and parent led tools to help them learn to deal with their frustrations, disappointments and anger in better ways.  Rather than isolating him (which isn't working) work on whispering quietly in his ear that he needs to take a deep breath.  Have him repeat the action until he quiets down and then help him to find the words to express what he is feeling and thinking and help him to find a better way to make his needs and wants known.  Make it clear that a tantrum makes it impossible to give him what he wants, and that even if you say no about something specific, there are other options that might work.   Repeat as often as necessary until he masters the skill.

You are correct in your first sentence.. 

And thanks for this.. good idea 

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