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Advice needed for my just three year old son

Posted by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 9:38 AM
  • 11 Replies

Hi All, 

I just had a talk with my son's teacher.  He's been attending a pre/ preschool program two mornings a week since January.  I asked her how everything was going and she said that he does pretty well, but, he definitley pulls things out of other kids hands and yells in his friends faces.  She said that some of it is age appropriate. He is never around other kids and is our first.  I walked away from the talk feeling like an awful mom.  She also mentioned that she thinks he'd really benefit from structure throughout the summer too and to put him in some sort of program.  That made me feel bad  We don't really have a strict routine at home and I am not on him all the time to pick up his toys etc.  Is my being more lax am I hurting his development at school?  He just turned three on March 13.  Any insight to the sharing, aggressiveness????


by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 9:38 AM
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by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 10:18 AM

I don't think you not making him pick up his toys is causing him to take things away from other kids and yell at them.

Do you have playdates with other kids his age very often? With playdates, they play right near you so you can help guide them in play and teach them how to behave and how not to behave. A teacher can only do so much about naughty behavior, but you, as his mother, can really set him straight. Just make sure you teach him what TO do and let him know in no uncertain terms what he is NOT to do.

Also, when driving my DS to preschool, especially right at first, we'd talk about behavior the whole way there. "Will you bite other kids?" "No" "Will you share your toys?" "Yes" "Will you push other kids?" "No" so he knows exactly what he will and will not be doing.

by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 10:25 AM
He is vvery young still and sharing and such can be hard especially if he isnt used to it. I agree that doing playdates/playgroup may help a lot. Good luck
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by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 10:36 AM
He's an only child and the whole sharing thing is new to him I think he would benefit with a summer program to get him use to other kids and the idea that he has to share
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by Platinum Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 10:40 AM

i don't think that a lack of routine is detrimental to kid's development.  routine doesn't create social skills...socializing creates social skills!  we don't have a strict routine at home but my kids have always been around other kids and/or in a class of some sort (swimming, little gym, music, playdates, park, etc).  

i do agree that you should have him involved with other kids.  even if it's frequent trips to the park.  you don't have to pay a lot of money to get your child around other kids.  then you just need to play closely with him and show him how to behave and what is appropriate.  this isn't a huge deal so don't feel horrible about it.  he can certainly learn these skills at school but, as you are seeing, there is a learning curve.  he's still young and this is totally age appropriate but also something you can work on so that's good news!

by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 12:02 PM

I think it has more to do with the fact he hasn't been in a preschool situation moreso than anything else.  Its easier to teach children to do things at home and be successful, but working iwth other children for a common goal isn't something that comes naturally.  I think he just needs more practice on the subject :).  I think his teacher is right, perhaps a summer program where he's involved with the other kids more often.

But make sure you talk to hima bout why yanking things from others and yelling in thier faces isn't nice at all!  He may just not know how to deal with frustrations or sharing just yet....but it will come :).

by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 6:19 PM

I am glad you are asking for help. Parenting is a learning experience and you are doing good by asking how to deal with certain new behaviors. We all have been there as moms, and thank God for ladies like the ones here that can be supportive and give you good advice. I know that Focus on the Family has some articles that may be helpful to check out (I am affiliated with this organization). Here is one: I Need, I Want: Infant and Toddler Anger. I hope it helps. Hang in there!

by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 8:00 PM

Don't feel bad. He's an only child that's never had to share before. 

I think once he gets used to school and having to share, the problems may go away. 

Don't feel like a failure. 

When he's at home and he's playing, you should try playing with him and ask him to share his toys with you. 

You can also try play groups so he can be with kids more. 

by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 8:02 PM

If you want to teach him to quit grabbing toys from other people, make sure you never let him grab ANYTHING from you. If he makes a grab, hold on to it and make him ask for it.  Then, sometimes you give it to him with a "that was such nice asking!"  Other times, tell him he has to "wait his turn" and make him wait for a minute or two.

As for the advice from the teacher...her opinion on stuff is all part of the price of admission.  Take it in a building-forward spirit rather than a worrying-backwards one.

by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 8:17 PM

Thank you for bringing this up. My ds will be 4 in May and start preschool in September. He has never been around a crowd of kids in a class and I am worried also. One thing that was recommended to me other than the playgroups was t-ball. It was cheap and he made friends along with us. I think themore they arearound groups of kids the easier it will be for him.

by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 8:37 PM

Well, if he hasn't had a lot of interaction with other kids, it's not surprising he's not into sharing and such.  Do you have him share with you at home?  I know many parents, especially with an only, tend to cater to the child rather than take time to teach them the world doesn't in fact revolve around them (because you're life sure seems to).  With our son we make sure he learned to share with us, not just with other kids.  We also taught him that sometimes he doesn't get what we have.  If for example I'm having a piece of candy, he doesn't get one too.  He only gets treats when he earns them.  But I'm an adult, I get to have one when I feel like it.  All of that is to teach him that he doesn't always get his way.

As for the structure at home, yes, this is important, but you don't have to be a freak about it.  I would simply recommend having things like wakeup time, lunch, and a "homework" time in place over the summer.  Set aside 30-60 mins to work with him on letters, numbers, art, etc., so that he doesn't lose what he learned over the course of the school year.  I know with my son even just the two weeks off for Christmas and half his alphabet is gone if I don't work with him.  It's crazy.  So if he's home for any reason we do flash cards and work with a workbook just to keep things fresh in his mind.

Also sometimes the local parks or libraries will have activities over the summer that you can attend where he'll be exposed to joint play with other children.   There's also playdates with other moms with kids his age.  Work with him, be consistent, and take every opportunity you are presented with to teach him that sharing works in his favor as well.  When you see a kid sharing in a movie, talk about it, tell him how good that kid is being, how it's nice to share with friends and it's nice when they share with us.  Remind him that if he doesn't share, other's won't want to share with him.  No fun that one.

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