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Advice Needed: this is actually about my 6yo kindergartener She is gettng...

Posted by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 1:50 AM
  • 6 Replies

this is actually about my 6yo kindergartener. She is gettng iin trouble at school. Her best frend tellsher to do thngs & then tells on her. Ishould break up the frendship, shouldn't I?

by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 1:50 AM
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Replies (1-6):
MzShorty787
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 1:53 AM
her friends r telling her to do stuff then telling on her?? that don't sound like friends to me, u should tell her that those kids r bn real friends and shouldn't listen when they tell her to do stuff. if she's anything like my niece who is also 6 and u explain it to her she will understand and stay away from those kids
MzShorty787
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 1:54 AM
even if she has to tell the teacher the children r tellin her to bad things
erinsmom1964
by Carrie on Apr. 26, 2013 at 2:05 AM
1 mom liked this

First start off by putting the blame where it belongs...on your daughter instead of buying into this bull story your getting.  IDC if she tells her to jump off a bridge your daughter needs to be responsible for her own actions PERIOD.  man if she can work you this good at 6 your in serious trouble.

Luvmy2babies22
by Platinum Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 2:32 AM

i can understand this a bit.  my son is also in k and had some trouble in the beginning of the year.  he joined a group of boys that was mostly great but there was 1 kid who was the leader (he was the oldest) who wasn't too great.  there was one instance where i was told that my son had told a girl her clothes were ugly.  i was shocked and didn't think this was anything that would come from my son on his own.  after talking to a few other people i found out that the other boy started it and my son joined in.  let me just tell you that my son and i had a BIG talk about being a good friend vs. being a bully.  about the fact that he can only control himself and he knows right from wrong.  he did NOT like being called a bully at all and was mortified that i said his behavior was bully behavior.  on his own, he wrote a letter of apology to the little girl and i wrote an email to the mom.  the funny thing was that this little girl was one of his first friends in school, he just got caught up.  they have been really good friends all year long.  we have not had a single issue with this since then AND the other little boy was removed from the school.  his mother withdrew him claiming it "wasn't a good fit".  i was thankful for that but still wouldn't have used him as an excuse for my son's poor choices.

i do understand that kids can get caught up with their friends and wanting to be liked or funny or whatnot.  however, i also agree with erinsmom that you cannot control that other little girl and you need to focus all your energy on your daughter and her poor choices.  she's young but she needs to start to learn that she only controls herself and she needs to know what is appropriate and not.  if she needs help or is being pressured then she needs to report it to the teacher.

.Angelica.
by Angie on Apr. 26, 2013 at 2:49 AM

I really think you should start working with her on peer pressure. it doesn't matter if she is getting in trouble because someone else told her to do something, she should know right from wrong and be able to make a her own choice. so she is then at fault, even if she didn't come up with the idea.

I'm not saying it will be easy, and i am sure my son would do whatever his friends say, but he would learn not to the hard way.

ApathyAngel
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 6:59 PM

 I agree with the other moms who suggested that you teach her to be responsible for her own actions, regardless of what her friends say.  However, what some people don't understand is that saying it and doing it are two completely different things, and while your daughter may understand the difference between right and wrong when you talk to her, your words fly right out the window while she's unsupervised and in the situation.

All issues with peer pressure stem from a lack of self-esteem.  Start simple, by asking her what activities she wants to do that day.  Let her start leading your time together.  Also try role-playing.  Let her know it's a game, and that you want her to pretend that you're her friend.  Suggest doing something she knows is against the rules, and get her to say no.  As she gets better and more confident saying no, start arguing with her a bit, the way her friend would.  For example, you suggest that she colors on the walls or something.  She says no, and then you say something like "come on, it will be fun!  Don't you want to have fun?"  Then take it a step further and say something like "If you don't, then I won't be your friend anymore."

As she gradually builds confidence in herself, she won't feel the need to misbehave in order to gain her friend's approval.  The goal is to teach her to make her own decisions.  Maybe the friend will learn that she can no longer manipulate your daughter and they will continue to be friends.  Or maybe your daughter will decide that being friends with her isn't a good idea and will end the friendship herself.

In the meantime, definitely reprimand her for the bad behavior, whether it was her idea or not.  In the end, she's the one who did it.  She's the one who made the bad decision to go along with what her friend said.  She needs to learn now that she has to take responsibility for her own actions.

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