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Holy Cow!!!!

Posted by on May. 24, 2013 at 6:52 PM
  • 4 Replies
I have a 4 year old dd who will turn 5 this summer. Within the last couple of weeks she has gotten quite an attitude. She doesn't listen to what dh and I tell her to do, or what anyone else tells her to do for that matter. I will give a couple of examples. At dance last week her teacher approached me and said "I can't get Cambree to stop talking during the dance, I asked her several times to stop and she refused to". I talked to dd about this later that night, and asked her why she was talking during her dance. She responded with "because I wanted to". I told her that she can not just do what she wants to do and that her dance teacher is in charge so she should have stopped talking when she was asked to. She responded with "I didn't want to stop talking". I told her that it doesn't matter what she wants when a grown up tells her to do something it is important that she listens to them and I then explained why it's not ok for her to talk during the dance (they are getting ready for a recital next weekend). She didn't seem to care. Today at lunch time she was sitting at the table while I did the dishes. She asked me if she could have another cracker and I said yes. A few minutes later she asked for another one and I said you can have one more, and then you are done because you have had enough to eat. I turned around a few minutes later and she has two crackers in her hand and each of them have bites taken out of them. I told her it was not ok for her to do that and after I turned back around she threw them both in the garbage. I told her that she can not just throw food away because it was wasteful and if she didn't want them she shouldn't have taken them. I told her to go to her room and not to turn her tv on. A few minutes later I walk past her room and her tv is on. So I unhooked it and took it out of her room. I asked her if she was upset about losing her tv and she said no. I went on to ask her if she got upset, angry or even sad when she got in trouble or got things taken away for making bad choices. She said no, she didn't care and she didn't feel anything. This worries me, so I was wondering if this is "normal" 4 year old behavior? Or is this something we should talk to her doctor about? Any advice is appreciated
by on May. 24, 2013 at 6:52 PM
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Replies (1-4):
BlueJane
by on May. 24, 2013 at 7:17 PM
I'm dealing with something similar with my 4.5 y/o. My friend who works in early childcare says it's normal for kids to test boundaries. It's so frustrating. Sounds like you're dealing with it better than me. I seriously need to work on my techniques. I resort to yelling way too easy. Just be firm and consistent. And don't let her pull that crap. And pray like crazy that it all woks out in the end!!
MamaJ8329
by on May. 25, 2013 at 3:40 PM

BUMP!

CLEKate
by on May. 25, 2013 at 3:54 PM

It sounds a lot like what my 4 YO boy does.  He says all the time that "he doesn't care" but I can tell he does't always mean it.

You need to set the boundaries and stick with them.  You said no TV, she had the TV on, you took it away.  That's good.  Keep doing this to reinforce that what you says, goes.

You also need to avoid sending mixed messages---you told her that she shouldn't have that many crackers, then you get on her case for throwing them in the garbage---what did you want her to do with them after she had taken them?  IMO, she did what you wanted by throwing them out--you had told her no more.  Then she got punished for doing what she probably thought you wanted her to do.

 

 

Now I am going to ask: Why does your 4 YO have a TV in her room?  Is it really necessary?

MamaJ8329
by on May. 25, 2013 at 6:06 PM

 After she had taken two crackers I told her to eat them since she took them. She tried to put one back in the package and I said no, don't take a bite and put it back in. I told her she could eat the two she had taken and I put the rest away. I didnt think about it possibly being mixed messages. There is a tv in her bedroom because when we moved into where we live now I was pregnant with my son. She was in what is now her little brother's room, and what is her room now was my step son's bedroom. When we had the baby we moved her out of the smaller room and put her into the bigger room. When we did that we never took the tv we had in there for him out. It was just one of those things that got overlooked. No, it isn't necessary and I am not going to put it back in there.

Quoting CLEKate:

It sounds a lot like what my 4 YO boy does.  He says all the time that "he doesn't care" but I can tell he does't always mean it.

You need to set the boundaries and stick with them.  You said no TV, she had the TV on, you took it away.  That's good.  Keep doing this to reinforce that what you says, goes.

You also need to avoid sending mixed messages---you told her that she shouldn't have that many crackers, then you get on her case for throwing them in the garbage---what did you want her to do with them after she had taken them?  IMO, she did what you wanted by throwing them out--you had told her no more.  Then she got punished for doing what she probably thought you wanted her to do.

 

 

Now I am going to ask: Why does your 4 YO have a TV in her room?  Is it really necessary?

 

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