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Toddlers & Preschoolers Toddlers & Preschoolers

4 yr and 1, 2, 3, warnings ?

Posted by on Jul. 13, 2013 at 11:05 AM
  • 18 Replies

My  4 yr old will do something wrong,  and I will tell her that by the time I count to ten she needed to pick up or but shoes on etc., and she will tell me to stop counting, instead of doing the task I ask her. Then I put her in time out, and I still can't get her to do the tasking that I'm asking.  Any ideas out there?

by on Jul. 13, 2013 at 11:05 AM
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Replies (1-10):
LAH2x
by on Jul. 13, 2013 at 11:15 AM
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We will count to 3,  if needed to get the task accomplished. Time out doesn't work with mine, however losing a toy has always worked for motivation. Then we allow her to earn the lost toy back by listening the next time we ask her something.

Luvmy2babies22
by Platinum Member on Jul. 13, 2013 at 11:26 AM
3 moms liked this
My kids are so trained that I don't even have to verbally count anymore. I just hold up fingers! They certainly don't always comply but usually I don't get past 2.

In your scenario I would count, put in timeout, after have her tell you why she's there and then ask again. If she still wont do it, back to timeout. Continue until the task is done. If its 2 hours of back to back 4 min timeouts then so be it. Keep with it so she knows you mean business.
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JenniL05
by on Jul. 13, 2013 at 11:29 AM
1 mom liked this

She still needs to do the task though or she doesn't learn anything. I always do the 1,2,3 thing with my kids (2 and 6) and if it's not done by 3, then they still have to do the task and then they get time out or other appropriate punishment. For example, if my 2 year old throws his sandwich because he'd rather have a cookie then he gets a 1, 2, 3 to pick it up and if it's not picked up I make his litle hands pick it up and then he's not allowed cookies the rest of the day. Good luck! :)

sahmw2010
by Bronze Member on Jul. 13, 2013 at 11:42 AM
1 mom liked this

 i only count to 3, and as soon as i say 3, immediat consequences. my ds decided to be smart and say 2 as soon as i said 1, so i said 3 and put him in corner. also, i use it when ds runs off at the store. all i say is 1, and he comes back. if later he runs off again, i say 2, i dont restart. if i get to 3, he goes in cart

sahmw2010
by Bronze Member on Jul. 13, 2013 at 11:43 AM

 same here. lol

Quoting Luvmy2babies22:

My kids are so trained that I don't even have to verbally count anymore. I just hold up fingers! They certainly don't always comply but usually I don't get past 2.

In your scenario I would count, put in timeout, after have her tell you why she's there and then ask again. If she still wont do it, back to timeout. Continue until the task is done. If its 2 hours of back to back 4 min timeouts then so be it. Keep with it so she knows you mean business.

 

KLove_Mom
by Member on Jul. 13, 2013 at 11:48 AM
1 mom liked this

If the method isn't working you obviously need to find what does work with her.

Time outs work with my kids when they are being mean to each other, or throwing fits, but don't seem to work for willful disobedience to me. 

I actually don't like counting for my kids to do something. If I say to do it, they should do it. I give them several chances to obey, but don't just stand there and count.  If I have to stand there and count, then I might as well just do it for them.

So I say it once and then go do something else. Then I say, "I told you to do ...". The 3rd time is "If you don't do ... then ..." 
The key is to make the consequence something you can follow through with right away. Don't make it outrageous like, no tv for a month, or not having a birthday party. 

For my kids, taking things away is the most effective. Either, not getting to watch tv at the next time, or taking their favorite toy and putting it on top of the fridge for the next hour.

If we are out somewhere like McDonald's or the swimming pool, I tell them ahead of time that if they don't listen when I say something we will leave. If they throw a fit about leaving, then we won't get to go back to that place again any time soon.

My kids still rebel and don't listen, but by telling them what the consequence will be and then doing it when they still don't listen, they learn to obey the next time.

Another good idea is to make an incentive to actually listening. Or make it a game or race. "Let's see if you can put on your shoes before Mommy gets her purse from her room. ready, set, go."
Being proud of her when she listens when go a long way to future obedience. 

PEEK05
by on Jul. 13, 2013 at 12:09 PM
1 mom liked this

We count to 3 and always follow through.  We rarely ever get to that point anymore. We did when she was 2 and 3 but as she got closer to 4, she fixes her behavior or do what she is being told to do at 1 lol.

Indiemom880
by Member on Jul. 13, 2013 at 1:42 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm not a huge fan of the counting method. I just don't see it working a whole lot of the time and it just seems like, the child should do what you ask immediately--not in ten seconds. Plus, I see a lot of parents really doing it wrong and it bugs me, like, they'll get to 9 and then 9 1/2 and then 9 3/4 or just plain start over counting! lol

If it's not working for you, I say just do something else.

I don't know if this would work for you family, but in my house I just try to talk to my child like an adutl and be cheerful about requests and it doesn't feel like to the child that they're being told to do something. I wish I could give you an example in person because it's way too hard to describe online. It works really well. If you can figure out a way for them to do what you want without them feeling like they're giving up their control. Like, instead of "pick up these toys", you could say "What do you say we pick up these toys and then we can blow bubbles in the back yard!" Or whatever fun activity they like.You could also have a fun clean up song so it feels more like a game.

A lot of why kids don't want to do what you say is that they don't want to give up their control over their life. If you change the way you say it and hide the requests, they feel like their control is less threatened.

othermom
by Silver Member on Jul. 13, 2013 at 2:49 PM
1 mom liked this

I count to three. If they don't do it they go to time out, then they get to come back and do it. If they still don't back to time out or other punishment

itsm3
by on Jul. 13, 2013 at 4:28 PM
1 mom liked this

i tell dd "i'm going to count to three and when i get to three, not only will i pick it up, but it goes straight into the garbage (if it's some silly thing)". or i'll tell that that it will be confiscated for 3 days if i get to it first.

she knows i'm not kidding too because i have totally tossed things out when she tried to test me so by two she's up and running.  i dno't use time out for stuff like that; i save timeouts for really bad things.

however, i do use positive reinforcement so when she gets up and does it even before i start counting, i'll thank her and tell her that she made a really good decision.

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