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Childproofing...How safe do YOU think this is? PIOG ----Edit in blue in original post

Posted by on Jul. 13, 2013 at 4:45 PM
  • 66 Replies

 My ex is getting some visitation with my child.  Since he doesn't have his own place, he's seeing her at his parents' home.  This is getting really ugly with him as he's the one involving court and has a nasty lawyer (that his parents are paying for).  He wasn't even there with me during this pregnancy or birth, but it is what it is now.  She is currently 15 months old.

He wants overnights with her too, and this is where I'm trying to draw the line and that's why it's getting nasty.  He thinks they have child proofed his parents' home great.  I don't think so.

Check out this picture of their living room and tell me what you think.

Notice the couch with the half wall directly behind it with the knick knacks. Behind that wall you can look directly down into the basement. You can also see the baby gate they are using, and it is not mounted into the wall. It is the kind with the spring action. If Vanessa presses hard enough against it, she will knock it down the stairs and fall down the stairs with it.


I feel it is a big safety issue. Does anyone think I'd be taking it too far if I had child protective services look into the child proofing that they've done? I don't want ANY problems with his family, but we are talking about the safety of my child here. If she were to go over that ledge, it could kill her. I also think she could climb over that safety gate too.


------------------------------------------EDIT-----------------------------------------

The couch/wall and gate were my only real scary concerns.  Some of you pointed out some others that I hadn't thought of.  It's always so difficult to talk to my lo's father because most of the time he's unwilling to take constructive criticism.  I did ask that they concider putting up a wall mounted gate at the top of those stairs and asked they get on as tall as possible because she is a climber.  I also suggested they pull that couch out, at least while she's there.  He had that look like I was the one being difficult, until I said "If she falls over and gets killed, 'Kim, I'm sorry I should have listened to you' won't bring her back".  He said he'd pull the couch away from the wall and see what he could do about the gate.  That's the most I can hope for.

As far as the lamp and curio cabinet (that I had not thought about posing any threat), I did not mention those because I don't want him to think I'm going to far with it.  

So all I can do is hope for the best.  Thank you ladies for your help.  I posted this topic in 3 groups, this one had the most conversation about it.  I appreciated not getting bashed (for the most part) because it isn't my intention to fight with her father.  I only want her as safe as possible while she's there.


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by on Jul. 13, 2013 at 4:45 PM
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Replies (1-10):
bzzybeemomof3
by on Jul. 13, 2013 at 4:54 PM
3 moms liked this
Um your crazy. I'm not saying in a mean way. But to call over a clean house with Nick backs. Lol

I don't believe in child proofing, I have 3 kids lo.is 17 months old all my Nick backs are in reach. She knows not.to.touch and.if she does I say no and then say thank you.and she gives it to me and I put it back where it is.

I only put gates up.at the stairs. Mine is not mounted either. Same gate.

There is nothing wrong in that picture.
Indiemom880
by Member on Jul. 13, 2013 at 4:55 PM

It's definitely not up to my standards, but they are making an effort. How much contact do you have with these people? Are they willing to listen to you if you ask for some changes? All the knicknacks look like baskets, which she could damage, but it's unlikely to hurt her, but climb on that couch and down to the basement she goes!

I would ask them directly to change these things. Politely. Really the more positive interaction between you and the people watching your kid, the better. They probably didn't think about the couch/stairwell issue. See what you can do on your own and if that doesn't work, bring this up with the courts. I would hesitate to call CPS before doing what you can on your own. I don't know how CPS does things or how seriously they take babyproofing but calling CPS on him would further damage your relationship with these people and it's possible that CPS won't do anything. I don't know that inadequate baby-proofing constitutes something that they would take action on. But maybe someone who knows better than me can answer this question better than I can.

I worry about the lamp too. Those things are awfully fun to pull down!

kimscorner
by Member on Jul. 13, 2013 at 4:57 PM

 No, I'm not saying anything about the knick knacks...I have those at home too. :)

I'm talking about the fact that all my 15 month old would need to do is lean over that couch and she's going to fall directly down into the basement.

I was just concerned about that.

Quoting bzzybeemomof3:

Um your crazy. I'm not saying in a mean way. But to call over a clean house with Nick backs. Lol

I don't believe in child proofing, I have 3 kids lo.is 17 months old all my Nick backs are in reach. She knows not.to.touch and.if she does I say no and then say thank you.and she gives it to me and I put it back where it is.

I only put gates up.at the stairs. Mine is not mounted either. Same gate.

There is nothing wrong in that picture.

 

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JTE11
by Bronze Member on Jul. 13, 2013 at 4:57 PM
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My DD would have had the stuff on the little table (the remote etc.) destroyed and chewed, pulled the tall lamp over, and had all of the knicknacks thrown over the ledge plus jumped down the stairwell in probably five minutes flat at that age. I don't like the baby gate either.  My DD would have stood there and pushed and pulled it back and forth until she got it loose. When it's a safety concern there should be no compromise. If they want her they should be willing to do what it takes, as long as you're reasonable about it, and I think your concerns are reasonable.

kimscorner
by Member on Jul. 13, 2013 at 5:00 PM

 I didn't even think about the lamp.  I'm just most worried about her going over that ledge.

The knick knacks don't bother me at all.  I have stuff like that too that she always likes to grab.

Their home is very nice and clean.  I don't have any issues with that.  It's just a complete drop off into the basement.

His parents have only met me a handful of times.  I never stood a chance with them liking me because they are very Catholic, and my ex is divorced, and they haven't liked ANY of his girlfriends that he's had since his divorce.  They don't like me either, even though they hardly know me.  Last time I was at their home for about 3 hours with my daughter, they wouldn't even speak to me.

Quoting Indiemom880:

It's definitely not up to my standards, but they are making an effort. How much contact do you have with these people? Are they willing to listen to you if you ask for some changes? All the knicknacks look like baskets, which she could damage, but it's unlikely to hurt her, but climb on that couch and down to the basement she goes!

I would ask them directly to change these things. Politely. Really the more positive interaction between you and the people watching your kid, the better. They probably didn't think about the couch/stairwell issue. See what you can do on your own and if that doesn't work, bring this up with the courts. I would hesitate to call CPS before doing what you can on your own. I don't know how CPS does things or how seriously they take babyproofing but calling CPS on him would further damage your relationship with these people and it's possible that CPS won't do anything. I don't know that inadequate baby-proofing constitutes something that they would take action on. But maybe someone who knows better than me can answer this question better than I can.

I worry about the lamp too. Those things are awfully fun to pull down!

 

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kimscorner
by Member on Jul. 13, 2013 at 5:03 PM

 Thank you.

This is why I've posted this on Cafe mom because I want others' take on this.  I don't want to come across being difficult....I want to get along with this other family that my daughter is going to get to know.

I was only worried MOST about the gate and that ledge.  So, before I say anything to him (I would never talk to his parents about this because although it is their house, he's her father) I just wanted to make sure my concerns were at least reasonable.

Quoting JTE11:

My DD would have had the stuff on the little table (the remote etc.) destroyed and chewed, pulled the tall lamp over, and had all of the knicknacks thrown over the ledge plus jumped down the stairwell in probably five minutes flat at that age. I don't like the baby gate either.  My DD would have stood there and pushed and pulled it back and forth until she got it loose. When it's a safety concern there should be no compromise. If they want her they should be willing to do what it takes, as long as you're reasonable about it, and I think your concerns are reasonable.

 

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bzzybeemomof3
by on Jul. 13, 2013 at 5:04 PM
We have a cut out on our wall that over looks the stairs too. I have never worried about once with.any of my 3 kids. And none of them have taken a plugged either or leaned over it.

I'm sure they will be watching lo and redirect her if standing on the couch. I know here couches are for sitting not standing.


Quoting kimscorner:

 No, I'm not saying anything about the knick knacks...I have those at home too. :)


I'm talking about the fact that all my 15 month old would need to do is lean over that couch and she's going to fall directly down into the basement.


I was just concerned about that.


Quoting bzzybeemomof3:

Um your crazy. I'm not saying in a mean way. But to call over a clean house with Nick backs. Lol

I don't believe in child proofing, I have 3 kids lo.is 17 months old all my Nick backs are in reach. She knows not.to.touch and.if she does I say no and then say thank you.and she gives it to me and I put it back where it is.

I only put gates up.at the stairs. Mine is not mounted either. Same gate.

There is nothing wrong in that picture.

 

JTE11
by Bronze Member on Jul. 13, 2013 at 5:07 PM

To me they're very reasonable, because I have a DD who misses nothing, who gets into everything, and always has. If there was even the slightest crack in the childproofing she would find it in a heartbeat and exploit it to the maximum. Other kids might do very well int that house, but my DD would have destroyed things and probably herself in there with it the way it is. Go by what you know of your DD's habits and personality and go from there. If you are respectful with your requests I hope they will see that you are tying to help your kid, not give them a hard time. Good luck.


Quoting kimscorner:

 Thank you.

This is why I've posted this on Cafe mom because I want others' take on this.  I don't want to come across being difficult....I want to get along with this other family that my daughter is going to get to know.

I was only worried MOST about the gate and that ledge.  So, before I say anything to him (I would never talk to his parents about this because although it is their house, he's her father) I just wanted to make sure my concerns were at least reasonable.

Quoting JTE11:

My DD would have had the stuff on the little table (the remote etc.) destroyed and chewed, pulled the tall lamp over, and had all of the knicknacks thrown over the ledge plus jumped down the stairwell in probably five minutes flat at that age. I don't like the baby gate either.  My DD would have stood there and pushed and pulled it back and forth until she got it loose. When it's a safety concern there should be no compromise. If they want her they should be willing to do what it takes, as long as you're reasonable about it, and I think your concerns are reasonable.

 



Indiemom880
by Member on Jul. 13, 2013 at 5:07 PM


So...you know these people? You know for a fact that they're going to be watching her like a hawk and redirecting her? These people are complete strangers to you, you have no clue how well they care for a child.

We all know you have perfect kids who never do anything wrong, but that doesn't mean that the rest of us do. A 15 month old works hard to explore their environment and all she has to do is think "what is this behind the couch?" and she has a fatal head injury.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're a perfect mom, but allowing your child in an environment this unsafe is not good parenting.

Quoting bzzybeemomof3:

We have a cut out on our wall that over looks the stairs too. I have never worried about once with.any of my 3 kids. And none of them have taken a plugged either or leaned over it.

I'm sure they will be watching lo and redirect her if standing on the couch. I know here couches are for sitting not standing.
Ktina11
by Bronze Member on Jul. 13, 2013 at 5:10 PM
Not to my standard but I am hesitant to see how that would be bad enough for you to disallow the opportunity for him to know his child. I guess you could ask for those specific things to be addressed but honestly you cannot control everything. Try nicely....best option.
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