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Advice Please!!

Posted by on Aug. 30, 2013 at 1:21 AM
  • 11 Replies

I have two daughters. They are 17 months apart. Ages 3 and 2. Their dad and I divorced about two years ago. It was "his home" so I was the one who had to move and make a new home for my daughters and I. They were transitioning well. Now its like we have hit a brick wall. My oldest tells me she doesn't want me and dose not love me anymore. She only wants her dad. It is to the point were she cry's when I pick her up from him. And she repeatedly reminds me that she doesn'tlike me. Sometimes I feel like its his fault. He doesn't discipline them like I do. He doesn't discipline them at all. I really would like to think he wouldn't tell her to not love me but hes pretty low at times.I know toddlers go through stages but I feel helpless. It hurts so much to hear such a sweet little girl that I love so much tell me these things. So, how do I handle it?  

by on Aug. 30, 2013 at 1:21 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Junebaby18
by Nannerz on Aug. 30, 2013 at 1:55 AM
That sounds like normal 3 year old stuff. They will tell that to you at 8, 12 and 15 also. Don't let it affect you. Just realize that what she is doing is developmentally normal. Just keep telling her that you love her and that will never change, no matter how she feels about you.
Luvmy2babies22
by Platinum Member on Aug. 30, 2013 at 3:28 AM
I don't know that its normal behavior for most toddlers but may be more common in kids splitting time between parents. I suggest seeking help from a professional to help you navigate parenting kids as a single parent, someone to help unravel her feelings about the situation and maybe someone to help you and your ex negotiate parenting strategies that are in the girls' best interests. GL
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tiarra7022
by Member on Aug. 30, 2013 at 12:32 PM

I think its normal. Especially if he is the fun parent. Not saying you are not fun but if he just lets them do what they want then of course they will want to be with him. I would just give it time. It wont be the last time you hear these things and normally if you hear them you are doing you job. Good luck 

cookinmommyof1
by Bronze Member on Aug. 30, 2013 at 12:36 PM
Ds does that to me sometimes. Drives me nuts. Usually it's when he doesn't get his way he'll tell"I hate you! " and storm off
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sahmw2010
by Bronze Member on Aug. 30, 2013 at 12:44 PM
The only experience i had was because he was brainwashing her telling her that i was mean because i took her away from him and was mean by making her do things she didnt want to do. NOT saying that is what is happening, that is the only experience i have. Here we are at 8 almost 9 and she still tells me she hates me and i am mean for making her clean her room and not lettin her play with her freinds.
sgillen
by on Aug. 30, 2013 at 12:48 PM
1 mom liked this

Just try to remember that when you discipline them, it is because you love them. You want them to be a safe, happy, well rounded person. If your ex doesn't discipline them, maybe right now he will be the favorite but in the long run you will be the one they turn to when they truly need someone. All he is doing is setting himself up for a superficial relationship with these little girls, they will go to him for a quick "yes" and that's it. They will come to you when they are hurt, sick, sad, mad, and so much more.

Maybe you could try having a special mommy daughter date and doing some things she really loves for now?

allmy3girls
by on Aug. 30, 2013 at 5:57 PM

I would ask him what  is going on at his house, I would tell him about the behavior of your 3yr old she is still too little to understand but tell her daddy lives there and she lives here, tell her mommy is sad when she says stuff like that..not to bribe her but traet her to a special lunch and tell her she is mommy's big girl  I would seriously talk to the dad ..good luck  hope  things work out  its hard for kids that young 

IQuitCounting
by on Aug. 30, 2013 at 6:03 PM

Kids do that.  All kids go through a phase where they say things like that.  Just remember she doesn't fully understand how much those words can hurt.  Take the time to explain to her that it does hurt your feelings when she says things like that, and that frankly, she's not allowed to talk that way.  My son has told me he doesn't like me (and there's no issues like divorce in our home), and his father as well, and we explained to him that while it's okay to be mad at us, to tell us he's mad or upset, etc. and to tell us why, it is simply not acceptable to say things like he hates us.  We made sure to tell him it hurts our feelings, remind him of how me might feel if someone, if we, were to say something like that to him.  Turn it back around and take it as an opportunity to teach your daughter empathy.  Kids are not born with that, or rather, it's a like cutting a diamond, you have to help them bring out what is there.  They are very egocentric by nature.

PEEK05
by on Aug. 31, 2013 at 1:50 AM

It's not his fault.  She is only 3 years old and having a really hard time adjusting to the fact that her home was just torn apart.

allmy3girls
by on Sep. 1, 2013 at 11:22 AM

ask your ex what is going on at his house..tell him the behavior changes in your daughter when she comes from his house...your daughters are really too small to understand but tell the older one  'she is making mommy sad mommyy loves her  why dont she love mommy'  see if she will respond...but I certainly would talk to my ex...

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