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Toddlers & Preschoolers Toddlers & Preschoolers

Help - daughter is a pleaser and a follower.

Posted by on Oct. 4, 2013 at 4:32 AM
  • 13 Replies

I just had a talk with her preschool teacher and she told me (in front of my daughter) that she is a huge follower. That she does everything every kid tells her to,do, and if I don't do something about it now, she was going to be bullied at school. 

Nedless to say I'm freaking out big time. Se has always been a pleaser when it comes to other children. She has a huge heart and would never hurt anyone's feelings. But, her feelings get hurt very easily and she is a crier. Other kids see that and then make her cry even more. 

I consider myself to be a strong woman and want the same for my daughter. I cannot help but feel hit guilty about all of this. Have I screwed up my disgusted by passing my insecurities? 

How can I help her self stem to make her see that her feelings are important and she can do as she pleases and not hat other tell her? Should I find a therapist to help her?

Thanks for any advise. I'm pretty lost 



by on Oct. 4, 2013 at 4:32 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Ryansmommy713
by on Oct. 4, 2013 at 9:21 AM

I think you should talk to her and tell her if anyone is being mean to stand up for herself, tell her if she is playing with a toy and she isn't ready to stop playing with it and someone else wants it, to tell them no. Tell her if anyone hits her,  tell the teacher, because she may not say anything.... I would rather my child be a "Taddle tell" than to be bullied. My son isn't in school yet but this is just maybe what I would do. Good luck :/ 

corrinacs
by on Oct. 4, 2013 at 10:29 AM

Firstly, DO NOT FEEL GUILTY!  You are who you are and she is who she is.  Chances are, these are just some of her traits and its not something that you culd have prevented.  I'm a follower like that and school was a very hard time for me.  I am glad that you are noticing this now so you can practice social interactions with her more easily.

My son is that way and it makes it hard.  He copies all bad habits from his friends (and us).  It makes it hard to discipline him, but we are working on it :).  Mainly, I encourage him to stand up for himself more.  He's getting better and better with it :).  And try not to get too mad at her, if you can.  No matter waht it is she's done, the fact that you are dissappointed should be enough.....if you get too upset with her, you'll only shake her more.

Good luck :)

Luvmy2babies22
by Platinum Member on Oct. 4, 2013 at 11:43 AM
1 mom liked this

 Role play.  Kids learn a lot thru mock scenarios.  Either you and your dd or you and your hubby play different roles while she watches (or partcipates) and explain what an appropriate response is to things. 

All you can do is continue to reinforce right and wrong, appropriate and inappropriate and then demonstrate appropriate responses to a child asking her to do something she KNOWS is wrong or against the rules.  This isn't something she'll get overnight, especially if it's her personality to please and not make waves.  Continue the conversation but don't make it a huge deal, just part of your playtime.  Good luck!

.Angelica.
by Angie on Oct. 4, 2013 at 1:28 PM

bump

preacherskid
by Bronze Member on Oct. 5, 2013 at 1:50 AM
2 moms liked this

She is who she is.  Personally I wouldn't appreciate the teacher saying that in front of my child.  I would teach her what to do if someone picks on her, but not push her to be "stronger" or stand up for herself more.  That teacher doesn't know she will be bullied later in life, I was bullied for years as a child and I have always been the opposite of a follower/pleaser.  Didn't stop others from targeting me.  

For her self esteem, use positive reinforcement.  Point out her talents, and also give her tips on how to improve other things that she may not be good at.  For example, I thank my ODD for getting herself buckled into her carseat like a big girl, and reassure her that she will get better at it with practice since she struggles with the bottom latch.  You don't have to do a lot, little things can have a huge impact on a child.  

Also try not to feel guilty- you may not have had near as much impact on her personality as you think, there is very little research on how children develop the personalities they have.  My mother had four children, we each have wildly different personalities.  She didn't do anything different when raising us, it was just who we were.

ardiaxe
by Bronze Member on Oct. 5, 2013 at 7:24 AM
My son is this way. I did a lot of role playing with him and he loved it and actually applied it when someone pushed him. I would pretend to push him and asked him what he would do. Then I told him to yell as loud as he could " No, don't push me" then tell the teacher. It gave him a lot of confidence.
While at the park some kid pushed him, he yelled out loud those same words and it alarmed the child and his mother. The kid had to apologise and my son was so proud of himself.

My son was always the youngest in his preschool classes and that had a lot to do with his passive nature. The other kids were a bit more mature and knew how to intimidate. Keep role playing, it will
maxswolfsuit
by on Oct. 6, 2013 at 2:55 PM

I agree that roll playing is a good way to teach her how to stand up for herself. 

iansmommy9
by Silver Member on Oct. 6, 2013 at 4:04 PM

 I agree with the role playing.  It's worked in different things we've dealt with.

 

HippoCat
by Member on Oct. 7, 2013 at 1:01 AM

She's still in preschool! If you are a strong woman then she most likely will follow your examples. Maybe it's a part of her personality, but I think she should still be innocent at her age. Opportunities will present themselves to teach her how to be more independent.

Wolfpackmomof2
by on Oct. 7, 2013 at 7:01 AM



Quoting ardiaxe:

My son is this way. I did a lot of role playing with him and he loved it and actually applied it when someone pushed him. I would pretend to push him and asked him what he would do. Then I told him to yell as loud as he could " No, don't push me" then tell the teacher. It gave him a lot of confidence.
While at the park some kid pushed him, he yelled out loud those same words and it alarmed the child and his mother. The kid had to apologise and my son was so proud of himself.

My son was always the youngest in his preschool classes and that had a lot to do with his passive nature. The other kids were a bit more mature and knew how to intimidate. Keep role playing, it will


Great idea!

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