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please help

Posted by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 11:37 AM
  • 23 Replies

I Just joined today and although I do not have a child of my own I have a son to be step child that is three and I love him like he was my own. His parents have just in the past few months been potty training him but they are not very consistent .I work with him sometimes even though it is not my place but I am concerned about his development later on. Any tips I can share with his father at least ? 

He also still uses sippy cups and his mother's parents admit to still feeding him in a high chair because they don't take the time to feed him etc. 

Just writing it all out again has made me blistering mad!!! I can hardly stand it. Please help at least get back on being sane.


by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 11:37 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Zirallan
by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 11:44 AM

It's really not uncommon for a 3 year old to be using a sippy cup and there's really nothing wrong with it. Some of them are still very uncoordinated and would make a lot of messes if given a real cup even if they're doing their best to keep it upright.

I'm also not sure what the problem with him being in a high chair is. A lot of 3 year olds aren't even big enough to sit in a normal chair at a table. Also, spills are still quite common because of a general lack of coordination. So long as they're giving him the utensils he's used to eating with, there really is no problem with him having his own personal space to eat. At 3, he should be well beyond the point of needing to be spoon fed and should be at least starting to master eating with a spoon or fork himself. A high chair where he has the space to make mistakes (and potentially a mess) and is easy to clean up is a perfect place for this.

carmensgift
by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 11:48 AM

Well thank you very much for your help. I guess I've been wrong in thinking how I was that he was behind.. I will look at things differently

Jaysmommy32
by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 12:04 PM
Ugh. I can understand your frustration. I'm a preschool teacher and one thing I can't stand to see is a child with NO self help skills because parents/caregivers are doing what's easy and "less messy" instead of teaching them how to do things for themselves.

As far as potty, I would let DF know that their inconsistency is a huge disservice to him. When potty training everybody in this childs care circle must be on the same page and following the same accord or it gets confusing for the child. So they need to sit down and work out a system or method that they plan to use and stick to it and make sure everyone who cares for him does the same.

I'm not gonna touch the whole sippy cup issue but I agree at 3 that sippy should be GONE! Children are gonna make mistakes, but thasts how they learn. You use their accidents as teaching moments. Show him how to properly hold a cup, if he spills, show him how to clean up after himself.

I'm glad you are an advocate for this child, I hope things get better
Jaysmommy32
by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 12:08 PM
Please don't start to look at things differently. I don't want to say "behind" because every child is different BUT the things you have mentioned are BASIC SELF HELP SKILLS that children should have way BEFORE 3.




Quoting carmensgift:

Well thank you very much for your help. I guess I've been wrong in thinking how I was that he was behind.. I will look at things differently


Luvmy2babies22
by Platinum Member on Oct. 26, 2013 at 12:23 PM
I actually agree with both responses. I think that by 3 he COULD not use a sippy and the highchair is probably silly at this point BUT I don't believe either are to his detriment at this point. I'm sure both of my kids were using sippies at 3. Call me lazy, whatever, but Im not strict about food and beverages staying in the kitchen so the sippy allowed them to take their drink with them. They are nearly 7 and 4 now and use cups as they should and are totally functional and independent in terms of self help. I did what worked for my house, period.

Its fine for you guys to do things differently at your house but don't worry about these issues too much now. If hes still in a highchair or on the sippy at 5...you may have a problem.
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Ktina11
by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 12:24 PM
I have three boys and they vary on ability, skill, and determination. While all three of mine are independent children, potty training was ALL over the place with them. Ods was completely trained by 2.5, Mds (who is 5 and 1/2) is mostly trained but ot took 3 years to get him consistent. It was never his priority. Yds is nearly 4 but didn"t begin training til well after his 3rd bday.

The sippy cup would be a question to me if it is truely a sippy cup and not a thermos type. At 3 he shouldn't need a sippy, but to contain spills I definitely understand a straw type or thermos type cup.

He should definitely be feeding himself, even if still in a high chair. We used a booster seat as boys were not tall enough for a dining room table. Yds (almost 4) stilluses one at my parents house.

There is a HUGE growth between 3 &4 so a lot depends on whether he is closer to three or to four. Early 3's still need a lot of help with everything...but by 4 kids generally have found independence and the desire to do things for themself.

Personally, I would change your way of thinking as you said since kids vary so differently at that age. However, I would encourage these tasks for him to do. He will gain confidence as he masters each. Don't stress the potty training...work with him...but ultimately he will do it when he is ready. You can't force him into it and if you try it will likely backfire. Good luck!!
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Luvmy2babies22
by Platinum Member on Oct. 26, 2013 at 12:25 PM
I love some good ole common sense!!! Well said :)

Quoting Ktina11:

I have three boys and they vary on ability, skill, and determination. While all three of mine are independent children, potty training was ALL over the place with them. Ods was completely trained by 2.5, Mds (who is 5 and 1/2) is mostly trained but ot took 3 years to get him consistent. It was never his priority. Yds is nearly 4 but didn"t begin training til well after his 3rd bday.



The sippy cup would be a question to me if it is truely a sippy cup and not a thermos type. At 3 he shouldn't need a sippy, but to contain spills I definitely understand a straw type or thermos type cup.



He should definitely be feeding himself, even if still in a high chair. We used a booster seat as boys were not tall enough for a dining room table. Yds (almost 4) stilluses one at my parents house.



There is a HUGE growth between 3 &4 so a lot depends on whether he is closer to three or to four. Early 3's still need a lot of help with everything...but by 4 kids generally have found independence and the desire to do things for themself.



Personally, I would change your way of thinking as you said since kids vary so differently at that age. However, I would encourage these tasks for him to do. He will gain confidence as he masters each. Don't stress the potty training...work with him...but ultimately he will do it when he is ready. You can't force him into it and if you try it will likely backfire. Good luck!!
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Ktina11
by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 12:27 PM
I was going to quote your too! I thought what you said was excellent!


Quoting Luvmy2babies22:

I love some good ole common sense!!! Well said :)



Quoting Ktina11:

I have three boys and they vary on ability, skill, and determination. While all three of mine are independent children, potty training was ALL over the place with them. Ods was completely trained by 2.5, Mds (who is 5 and 1/2) is mostly trained but ot took 3 years to get him consistent. It was never his priority. Yds is nearly 4 but didn"t begin training til well after his 3rd bday.





The sippy cup would be a question to me if it is truely a sippy cup and not a thermos type. At 3 he shouldn't need a sippy, but to contain spills I definitely understand a straw type or thermos type cup.





He should definitely be feeding himself, even if still in a high chair. We used a booster seat as boys were not tall enough for a dining room table. Yds (almost 4) stilluses one at my parents house.





There is a HUGE growth between 3 &4 so a lot depends on whether he is closer to three or to four. Early 3's still need a lot of help with everything...but by 4 kids generally have found independence and the desire to do things for themself.





Personally, I would change your way of thinking as you said since kids vary so differently at that age. However, I would encourage these tasks for him to do. He will gain confidence as he masters each. Don't stress the potty training...work with him...but ultimately he will do it when he is ready. You can't force him into it and if you try it will likely backfire. Good luck!!

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VintageWife
by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 12:31 PM
Sippys at 3 should be for travel situations like taking a drink in the car or if walking around with it. Otherwise, they need taught to use a regular cup as preschool and pre-k won't give sippys usually.
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amanda_mom89
by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 12:33 PM
My 4 year old SD still uses sippy cups. I don't want stuff spilled everywhere. It's not that she never drinks out of regular cups.. She can and she handles them fine.. But my personal choice is to continue using sippy for my kids until they are a little more still.

But, both Dd and SD feed themselves. Dd is 2. They have fed themselves for quote a while now.

Dd is not potty trained, we've worked on it but honestly I've gotten side tracked with exhaustion from my pregnancy.
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