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Toddlers & Preschoolers Toddlers & Preschoolers

I feel like a s****y parent

Posted by on Nov. 6, 2013 at 5:05 PM
  • 8 Replies
My ds is in prek. His teacher stopped me after school during pick up and said he hada rough day. As in he was being rough.He was squishing and pushing and kicking other kids. He even told the speech pathologist he likes to bully tucker. Were talked until we're blue in the face about how is not ok to do that and how it makes people feel and how he can't act like that. It doesn't seem to do any good. We've tried taking away privileges and giving time it's and spanking. This has been a problem school starred but has gotten worse as the years gone on. His teacher is going to talk to the principal. I'm at a loss here add could really use some advice. He knows how it makes people feel and says he doesn't want to be mean and that's why he is mean. I don't know what to do to make him stop and I feel like I suck. Please someone offer some advice
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by on Nov. 6, 2013 at 5:05 PM
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Replies (1-8):
Luvmy2babies22
by Platinum Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 7:53 PM

 Are you the same one who posted about your child intentionally making this same kid cry a few weeks ago?

I'm telling you that there is something going on with your kid that he is intentionally seeking this child out to bother and others.  You are NOT a shitty parent.  This is something going on with your son.  You clearly sound like an involved and concerned parent but there are some things parenting alone cannot correct.  I would seriously seek out a referral to a child psychologist and see what they say.

Knowing that something is mean and actually FEELING bad about it are 2 different things.  He needs empathy work and I would turn to a professional at this point.

mem82
by Silver Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 8:19 PM
1 mom liked this

I suggest going to school and observing. Watch and see what is going on. You might get a few answers.

cookinmommyof1
by Bronze Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 9:09 PM
I am the one who posted about that. His do I go about finding a child psychologist? Do I ask his ped for a referral?


Quoting Luvmy2babies22:

 Are you the same one who posted about your child intentionally making this same kid cry a few weeks ago?


I'm telling you that there is something going on with your kid that he is intentionally seeking this child out to bother and others.  You are NOT a shitty parent.  This is something going on with your son.  You clearly sound like an involved and concerned parent but there are some things parenting alone cannot correct.  I would seriously seek out a referral to a child psychologist and see what they say.


Knowing that something is mean and actually FEELING bad about it are 2 different things.  He needs empathy work and I would turn to a professional at this point.


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Luvmy2babies22
by Platinum Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 9:18 PM
That's where I would start. Good luck, I know how frustrating it is but I would be willing to bet this is something that can be turned around quickly with proper support.

Quoting cookinmommyof1:

I am the one who posted about that. His do I go about finding a child psychologist? Do I ask his ped for a referral?




Quoting Luvmy2babies22:

 Are you the same one who posted about your child intentionally making this same kid cry a few weeks ago?



I'm telling you that there is something going on with your kid that he is intentionally seeking this child out to bother and others.  You are NOT a shitty parent.  This is something going on with your son.  You clearly sound like an involved and concerned parent but there are some things parenting alone cannot correct.  I would seriously seek out a referral to a child psychologist and see what they say.



Knowing that something is mean and actually FEELING bad about it are 2 different things.  He needs empathy work and I would turn to a professional at this point.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
cookinmommyof1
by Bronze Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 10:32 PM
Thank you for your advice. I was also reading online since tips to use positive reinforcement to help the situation. Dh and I talked with him tonight about it. He said he was mean because he didn't want to be mean. I have no idea what that's supposed to mean


Quoting Luvmy2babies22:

That's where I would start. Good luck, I know how frustrating it is but I would be willing to bet this is something that can be turned around quickly with proper support.



Quoting cookinmommyof1:

I am the one who posted about that. His do I go about finding a child psychologist? Do I ask his ped for a referral?






Quoting Luvmy2babies22:

 Are you the same one who posted about your child intentionally making this same kid cry a few weeks ago?




I'm telling you that there is something going on with your kid that he is intentionally seeking this child out to bother and others.  You are NOT a shitty parent.  This is something going on with your son.  You clearly sound like an involved and concerned parent but there are some things parenting alone cannot correct.  I would seriously seek out a referral to a child psychologist and see what they say.




Knowing that something is mean and actually FEELING bad about it are 2 different things.  He needs empathy work and I would turn to a professional at this point.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Luvmy2babies22
by Platinum Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 11:18 PM

 Remember he's young.  A "why" question like that is pretty abstract.  It requires insight that most 3/4 year olds aren't capable of yet.  He most likely cannot articulate exactly what triggers the behavior and an impulse control issue contributes to him acting on the impulse.  I think I said to you in your original post that the behavior itself isn't super concerning IF it were spur of the moment kind of stuff:  kid bugs him, he reacts inappropriately.  It's the "premediation" (for lack of a better word) that would concern me.  I honestly do not believe that there is anything seriously wrong with your child but I do think it's worth looking into.  Anyway, good luck!!!

Quoting cookinmommyof1:

Thank you for your advice. I was also reading online since tips to use positive reinforcement to help the situation. Dh and I talked with him tonight about it. He said he was mean because he didn't want to be mean. I have no idea what that's supposed to mean


Quoting Luvmy2babies22:

That's where I would start. Good luck, I know how frustrating it is but I would be willing to bet this is something that can be turned around quickly with proper support.

 

cookinmommyof1
by Bronze Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 11:35 PM
I've noticed at play group that if a kid won't play like he wants them to be gets frustrated and sort growls a will push ir squeeze the other kid. We were having luck with redirection there. At his conferences last week guys teacher said he knows what he is doing is wrong because he'll usually do something like stun into a kid or push and then apologize. I'm hoping working with him on the proper way to deal with various emotions helps and I will bring it up to his ped


Quoting Luvmy2babies22:

 Remember he's young.  A "why" question like that is pretty abstract.  It requires insight that most 3/4 year olds aren't capable of yet.  He most likely cannot articulate exactly what triggers the behavior and an impulse control issue contributes to him acting on the impulse.  I think I said to you in your original post that the behavior itself isn't super concerning IF it were spur of the moment kind of stuff:  kid bugs him, he reacts inappropriately.  It's the "premediation" (for lack of a better word) that would concern me.  I honestly do not believe that there is anything seriously wrong with your child but I do think it's worth looking into.  Anyway, good luck!!!


Quoting cookinmommyof1:

Thank you for your advice. I was also reading online since tips to use positive reinforcement to help the situation. Dh and I talked with him tonight about it. He said he was mean because he didn't want to be mean. I have no idea what that's supposed to mean



Quoting Luvmy2babies22:

That's where I would start. Good luck, I know how frustrating it is but I would be willing to bet this is something that can be turned around quickly with proper support.


 


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HippoCat
by Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 11:49 PM
Maybe there is something sensory going on- like he is craving the deep impact on his body that pushing another kid might give him. If it is worse at school there could be something that is overstimulating to him that he doesn't know how to respond to appropriately. You could try giving him some squeezes on his body or massages and see if it helps. I don't know... Possibly worth a shot.
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