Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How to let go and go with the flow?

Posted by on Nov. 14, 2013 at 5:48 PM
  • 12 Replies
1 mom liked this

Any other anal/controlling moms out there?? I need to learn to relax a little more and have fun I suppose.

I feel like all day long with my 22-month old daughter I try to do a mix of fun and educational activities, and feed her healthy foods. Then DH gets home and feeds her chips/ice cream and lets her watch TV/play guitar hero with him.

How do I not let this totally stress me out?? He thinks I just "nag" him all the time and that he can't do anything right. Do I just need to calm down a little? How do we find the middle of the road? I know it's important to teach my daughter balance and moderation, just not sure how.

Any advice is appreciated!!

by on Nov. 14, 2013 at 5:48 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by Member on Nov. 14, 2013 at 5:50 PM
O let it go. Everyone hasn't slightly different parenting styles. It's not going to kill. Do something fun with her like he does sometimes. Maybe that will help you loosen up.
by Platinum Member on Nov. 14, 2013 at 5:59 PM
3 moms liked this

 I'm a control freak but not when it comes to my hubby parenting our kids.  He certainly does things that I wouldn't do but I trust my hubby 100%.  I trust that he has their best interests at heart and will just do things his way.  He's actually more apt to say "ask Mommy" vs. handling some things himself.  Once, years ago, I was upstairs in the office and my son asked for something (trivial).  I heard hubby say "go ask Mommy".  From upstairs I shouted down "no, he asked you!"  I knew what I would have done but my son was looking to his father and it's my job to support him, not undermine him and he needs that confidence too.  The answer my hubby gave was not life or death.  It didn't matter.

I think that's your key:  really recognize issues that are crutial vs. trivial.  Is your hubby letting your child run in the street?  Say something.  Is your hubby forgetting the broccoli with the dinner he just prepared?  Leave it alone.  Is your dd hanging out a 2nd floor window on your hubby's watch?  Say something.  Did he forget to put socks on her?  Leave it alone.

Any consistently arising issues that you really feel are imporant (discipline methods, etc) then sit down and have these discussions privately and come to a compromise.  Your job is to support his unique and special relationship with his daughter and vice versa.  He may not always do what you would like but it won't kill her to eat a few potato chips with Daddy.  Really, what is the worst thing that will happen other than eventually (as she gets older) creating some fun memories with her Daddy?

by Ruby Member on Nov. 14, 2013 at 7:26 PM

What if he sticks to one thing, either ice cream or chips, not both.  TV and guitar hero is o.k if it's not going on for hours, imo. 

by Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 8:08 AM

Thanks ladies! I appreciate the advice. I can see I need to lighten up a little :)

by Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 8:14 AM

I have gotten to the point of letting go. Like you i tryed to fill my 20 month old daughter's day with healthy food, active play and a little education from time to time.. SHE however will go a whole day requesting nothing but fruit snacks (off all the foods)... and some days guess what.. thats what she eats. Either i feed her this or she goes hungry. 

LEt your husband take care of her how he does, my husband has a lazy way of taking care of mine too. He often forgets to change her diaper, and feeds he cookies or goldfish. He props her in front of the TVwith him and they watch his shows. BUT sometimes he sits down and reads to her, sometimes he cuts her up fresh veggies, sometimes he takes her out in the yard while i get chores done or whatever. I've learned to relax about it because if i dont trust him to watch her, then i'll never get a break, so i just forget about it and relax with my time "off".

by Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 10:26 AM

You're exactly right!! I enjoy being able to go to the gym two nights a week while hubby watches DD and puts her to bed. I try to remind myself that if I criticize too much then he will get upset and won't want to watch her.

by Tikeetha on Nov. 15, 2013 at 11:40 AM

Yep.  I am controlling.  Just relax and let them create their own fun.  Don't nag him about it and just focus on the fact that she's getting the best of both of you.  Breathe and go get your nails down, run out for drinks with your girlfriend, take a bubble bath or do anything for you.  That definitely helps me.  Good luck!

by Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 12:01 PM

You have to find middle grounds with your DH and stick to it. I can see a little bit of myself in you, but have learnt to let go and that not every minute has to be educational. Or a little bit of a dessert will not kill DS. DS had not had tried anything sweet until he turned 2. 

I am much happier now. Even though still trying to nagotiate some "can and can't s" with DH. I suggest you let go a bit too. 

by Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 12:07 PM

I think you guys are the middle ground. When she's with you its healthy food and educational activities and when she has dad time its some junk food and free play time. She is getting a balance from you guys. Trust and believe a little junk food and "junk"TV lol won't be harmful lol now if he is feeding it to her by the bucketful then say something.

by Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 12:24 PM
1 mom liked this
I am in a similar boat. I want to teach my children so they'll be super smart and create good lives for themselves. My dh plays and has loads of fun with them. I was able to let go more when my second came along. I personally know I have anxiety issues, and mild depression. I think that plays a part. Also I was a smart kid and grew up fast. My dh is still a kid at heart. Thanks for posting this I am interested to get advice on this too. And glad to know I'm not alone.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)